10 Years Ago Today

Alaska Airlines Flight #261 -- Ten Years Ago Today

These voices will always haunt me.

LoverBoy and I had a 3-leg day together....PDX to SEA to SFO to PDX. We were with our good friend Kelly. It was the last leg back home when a passenger came to the back galley and actually pulled the fabric curtain across the entry way. She looked at us and said, "I'm not sure if I should tell you this or not but one of your airplanes has crashed." And that began our horrible day. We had to finish our flight not knowing exactly what had happened. With pleasantries and such, we continued our duties. We made the decision to notify our pilot crew as well as a deadheading crew on board. We landed in Portland without incident a short time later and were met by my brother-in-law (customer service agent for our company) with a stone-faced look on his face that I will always remember as I pushed open our forward L1 door. "Are you all aware of what has happened," he asked? "Make sure you call your families to tell them you are safe," he continued. You see, when an airplane crashed, families and friends immediately set to wondering whether it was you that was working that particular flight -- their son, daughter, mother, father, friend, neighbor, brother or sister. And that was the very first time that our two mothers had actually spoken in person to one another on the telephone -- both of them worried that we were working that flight as they made frantic phone calls to each other.

So, we gathered with other crew members for a while as we watched news footage from just off Point Magu near Anacapa Island in California. People staring at us, passengers watching, many crying...even in the airport. We had worked that particular aircraft several times in the weeks prior -- it had a broken forward galley coffee pot that was still broken on January 31, 2000. It would never need to be fixed. We finally ventured home, just the two of us, to a "message machine" (as they used to be called) filled with 27 voice messages: "Call us if you're safe," "Are you okay," "Are you flying today?," "Where are you guys?" Many of them crying, shaken quivering voices.

Flight #261 was operating from Puerto Vallarta nonstop to San Francisco. It encountered trouble off the southern California coast and never made it to SFO. It had 88 fantastic people on board including more than 30 of what we call "non revs" (those airline employees, friends, parents, children who pay little or nothing to fly). They were our friends and coworkers. It has mostly stopped now, but for several years afterwards I played the role of flight attendant over and over in my mind -- wondering what they were doing, were they standing or sitting, were in their jumpseats or not, were they injured even before the crash, did they scream or yell or cuss. I never have had an resolve on answering those questions.

It's me, you know. And LoverBoy too. That's what we do for a living along with many thousands of others who you may know. Just a quick Denver turn, or Phoenix. Or a four-day SEA/DEN/ORD like I'll start tomorrow. It's so routine. We love our jobs and wouldn't trade it for anything. But today, I remember. And wonder.

You've Got a Friend

On this day in 1971, Carole King's Tapestry album came out which included You've Got a Friend. Be sure you listen to it.....and pay attention to that part about If the sky above you Should turn dark and full of clouds And that old north wind should begin to blow Keep your head together and call my name out loud. Wow. Timeless, I say. (Thanks to Jim's Stuff for reminding me...)

Set Your Intention

Set Your Intention. Maybe it's balance. Maybe it's strength. Maybe it's flexibility. Each time yoga begins, the room quiets, the lights are typically off, and the first chords of music emit from the speakers. The room is floor-to-ceiling glass windows on three sides which gives me ample opportunity to stare into the sky .... something that is definitely on my Top 10. We are always reminded that whatever intention we set for our yoga practice that day is to be taken into the rest of our lives -- to home, work, into relationships and into our jobs. Okay, yeah, I'll work on that -- again.

Tomorrow begins (one of my very few) Bachelor Weekends....just me at the pooch for the entire weekend. Horribly rare. I'm looking for peace, quiet.....along with doing the unusual, the atypical. Who knows what will happen.

MIL is not in good shape. We were there yesterday with a home health nurse and an Occupational Therapist. We arrived shortly after MIL had told the OT to get out, that she didn't need her there and had no interest in her little tests and mental scoring systems. They are really concerned that she is living by herself. Her color is terrible and she gets winded simply by standing up and moving around a little. MIL is dangerously close to being moved into a long-term care facility. (A good place to reference my first paragraph in this post above....about setting an intention.)

Next week I have another long four-day trip which will place me in Seattle, Denver, and Chicago for overnights. I can't wait. I haven't stayed in Denver in years and have never ventured out of the hotel in Chicago. And, as you well know, February is a perfect time of year to be in those two cities (ahem).

Sister is flying over to PDX to visit for a few nights with us before we all drive from PDX-BOI with the Pooch for a visit with my family in Boise. It's a long overdue trip to see my family and is usually overshadowed by drama and created-situations here surrounding MIL. We'll see. Good news, though....we're hosting a LOVE-IN on Valentine's Day afternoon. A time of kisses, loving, feeling good and then passing it along. God knows we all need more of that smooching crap.

Flowers and Sweat

I'm thankful today. It hit me as I was on the treadmill, the tail end of my workout. I was thinking about my good friend who has decided it's time to begin a blog with regard to being grateful -- something I totally concur with. You'll want to stop by The Grateful Bunny when you have the chance. Simple, grateful, thankful, a perfect reminder. I mean, if you're into that sort of thing... and I am.

So, back to today. I spotted four different forsythia bushes in bloom today -- bright and yellow against the stark gray of concrete walls. Umm hum. Very very nice to see this time of year. I'm thankful for that.

And the gym. I'm so thankful that I have arms and legs that operate -- many don't. I'm thankful for the financial ability to be able to afford paying for the gym each month. I'm thankful that my body screams only for a short time before it gives it up and kicks into workout mode. The sweat that pours out feels so good -- like the toxins are going away, like the oxygen is moving, everything functioning the way it should. It's warm inside. Great music. The energy of being around people actually doing something with their lives, putting forth some effort toward making something of themselves when many choose not to. It feels so good. And I'm grateful for all of it.

Winter Whee!

Holy smokes, Batman! An entire week without posting. Umm yeah, that's not good. At. All. My apologies. I mean, not that there are any die hard readers anyway but nonetheless --

MIL has chosen again to go down the "Piss Us Off Trail." She's good at that. You'll remember that she fell in October and has taken a very long time to heal. But over the last few weeks it's been a mess with her losing keys, medications, address books, etc. My honey fills up her medication box weekly so all she has to do it take out the AM and PM pills at the right time. But in a recent scan of her apartment, there were Vicodin pills laying helter skelter all over the place. There has been a stove burner left on high with nothing on it. She has broken a glass and was unable to get to the floor to clean it up. She can't take out her dog to crap any longer so he goes upwards of 12 hours without going out. It's not pretty. So, another cry for attention because she loves it so well, she calls 9-1-1 in the middle of the night for a trip to the ER. She is there around an hour before she screams that "she's going home and not staying any longer." Huh? Why did you come here in the first place? She treats the nurses and doctors like crap. She tells people off. She is rude and inappropriate. Until someone outside the family comes to visit....then she is all peaches and cream, smiling, happy, talks about her Bible studies and such. We can't figure out if this is Doctor Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. To his giant credit, my lover boy has done his best to be diplomatic and still point out that her behavior cannot continue. Whee! Around we go again! She's supposedly headed home today. To live alone. To not be able to take care of herself. I think I'm going to steal one of those aforementioned Vicodin ASAP. And one of my new favorite cocktails.....crushed ice, Canadian Club, a squeeze of fresh OJ right from the fruit, and Diet Spring/7up. Delicious. It goes well with Vicodin, doesn't it? I have this sinking feeling that my upcoming bachelor weekend is in jeopardy.

January 31 will mark the 10th anniversary since our company's airline disaster off the southern California coast. I remember the day quite well. We knew several folks on board. We had worked that particular aircraft numerous times including only a week or so before it buried its head into the Pacific Ocean. I am thankful for my life today and will do my best to continue to strive for better things in life.

We discovered dried blood inside Mason's left ear. A trip to the vet (because the hospital with MIL wasn't quite enough in one day) confirmed a giant yeast infection in his ear. Cleaned it out and sent us home with antibiotic gel twice a day. He is much better but, for some reason, doesn't like to have clear liquids squirted into his ear. I discovered a few spring bulbs trying to poke their heads out of the ground while I was on a walk with Mason the other day -- a very good sign indeed.

I'm on day two of six in this stretch of flying. Appears to be 10,824 miles this week. It looks like this: PDX-SAN-SJD-SAN-PDX-SAN-PDX-SAN-SJD-SAN-PDX-PHX-PDX.

Mid Winter Comings and Goings

After last season, I vowed I would not watch American Idol this year. I'm just having a difficult time coming up with justifying sitting in front of the television for such lackluster entertainment. So far, I watched part of the audition shows from this week. I must be stopped before I get into this season.....

I have jumped right back into the gym routine over the last month. Our gym added a 3rd floor to it and it is so nice to have more space to spread out and enjoy the workout. It's sort of a kick to sweat.

Our sweet, lovable, non-aggressive Mason has taken to growling and trying to nip a person or two and another pooch. They are people that are not particularly enamoured with him and the other pooch is a dog that does not behave well in public and has been aggressive in the past with other dogs. I do not allow Mason to have bad behavior -- and he always gets into serious trouble with me when he misbehaves. It's just odd that it has just now cropped up. It must be curbed.

We have played Bingo for two months in a row with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. I had no idea playing games with boys could be so much fun and can see this being a regular event for us.

My lover boy will be absent from the nest for an entire weekend later this month while he disappears with who knows who do to who knows what. The Pooch and I will be home alone. I am trying to decide what exciting activities I will be including in my bachelor weekend. It is very seldom that I'm home alone and I want to make the most of it -- I want to do things I typically don't do and see people that I don't often see. I have thought about taking Mason somewhere for the weekend. And I've considered having someone come and visit us for the weekend too. I just don't want to do the same old things and really want to make it count. Ideas??

February will bring me to 15 years at my company. I can't believe that my air mattress-air hostess-trolley dolley-stewardess career has been that long. February will also see us spending a week in Idaho with my family....a visit that is long overdue.

A Song In My Heart

Momma was the singer. The one who taught us to first appreciate singing and music. I was thinking today about the very earliest of songs that I remember. My mother would teach us the words, the melodies, and -- way more cool -- how to harmonize. We would journey down the road in our 1967 blue Chevy station wagon during the late 1960s and early 1970s with the three kids piled in the back and my mother doing her best to tell us how to harmonize. And these are the songs I can most well remember at a very early age:

Red River Valley

This Land Is Your Land

Marching to Pretoria

Battle Hymn of the Republic

Adeste Fideles -- Oh Come All Ye Faithful

Oh Come All Ye Faithful had (and still has) that very cool harmonic part in it during the "Come and behold him, born the king of angels......oh come let us adore him, oh come let us adore him.." part. I still sing it today, mostly at Christmas time.

First she would sing the harmony while we all sang the melody. And then we'd switch to learn the other part. I loved it. And still do. Harmony is the thing I most often identify with in a song when I hear it. Music has always been an important part of my life, thanks to my mother. She MADE me take violin lessons for a year or two and piano for eight years or so. I went on to travel as a bass vocalist with a contemporary Christian music group called The Continental Singers for twelve years -- a very long story that you may remember from my distant blogging past if you've been reading my site for a long while now.

But it all started with my mom. Her lightheartedness, her smile, her spirit and energy to teach us, mold us, and help us learn new things in our lives.

Time

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Did you know all of that stuff above? Wow. I've got a fairly tall order in front of me for the coming year....well, for the rest of my life, in all reality. Lots to do internally. Plenty to keep working on. I hope you'll join me.

UPDATE: And here's how The Byrds would beautifully spell out what I was trying to say above. Thanks to my friend Stephen at Post Apocalyptic Bohemian for the musical reminder!

The Long Shadows Fall

The long shadows stretch their way across the nearly frozen earth. Most all of the myriad of trees are devoid of the frilly leaves attached by a thread to their branches during much of the year. The longest day of the year has just passed. And we've got a blue moon tomorrow -- on the very last day of 2009. Ominous and fun.

Call me crazy if you must, but I enjoy this time of year. The color of the sky is such an unusual one. (Well, that's if the sky in Portland is ever anything except for gray...which I also get into.) The blue is a quiet blue. A peaceful and unobtrusive blue. A winter sort of pale blue. There are birds, but few. We do have many flocks of beautiful geese who winter here by the hundreds. I love knowing that they are safe and able to rest here with us in this season of cold and delight. Delightfully barren. I think I also enjoy this time of year because so many other people don't. I tend to migrate toward the underdog in that way many times. The lesser known or enjoyed is often the one I gravitate toward.

It snowed about three inches across our city yesterday afternoon. It was Portland's first measurable snow of the season and created nothing but trouble. Portland is just that way. Some years (last year!) we had about 20 inches on the ground right now. And some years we have zero. It looks like the winter wonderlands that are scripted in fantasy poems, songs, plays and books. I like it when things are asleep. Quiet. In resolve. Peaceful. Contemplative. And that's the way I see winter. Especially this portion when the nights seem to stretch on forever and the warming rays of the sun are not seen nor felt. I was staring at the one of the trees outside of our window just this morning -- watching how the dark, barren branches simply hang. Nothing to do but recuperate from a long growing season. Resting up for next season. For the next big hurrah of their lives. In fact, they aren't made to keep going, to always have leaves on their branches. They are designed to regenerate and recreate each season.

Me too. Happy Fresh New Year my friends. To each of us.

Ghosts of Christmas Past

The ghosts of Christmas past have visited again. I've just returned from Mason's walk along Fremont Street -- right alongside the Rose City Cemetery in Northeast Portland. It's not unusual for me to stare through the fence at the grave stones...thinking and wondering....I'm just that kind of guy. And tonight is deliciously cold. Perfectly clear with a strong possibility of fog. I checked out the stars above and I always take a moment to enjoy the amazing color of the sky after the sun has set.

And we're alone, Mason and I, until hubby arrives in a few hours from his working trip. And it's not unusual for me to be reflective during alone times. I've been considering the many Christmas Eves, year after year, that we spent at my grandmother's home in south Boise along with every other possible family member living nearby. There would be about 30 of us complete with a table of sliced ham for sandwiches, potato salad, a giant green salad with Fritos on it, and baked beans. Great Aunt Ruth would have made what seemed like a million Santa Claus cookies for each person. And my father would drive us slowly through downtown Boise on the trip back home -- so that we could look at the department store windows with their displays and decorations. Christmas morning would find us in our pajamas, cavorting and frolicking around the living room and tree. My mother always having prepared a special holiday breakfast for us. I swear, my parents took the best care of us. I miss my dad on days like this. And I am highly aware of the nearing of the end of my mother's life. It makes me sad. I miss those days.

But tonight, happily, my lover will be home -- in the city and home that we love. We may go to our favorite late-night Christmas Eve service at a beautiful old church in downtown Portland complete with top-notch organ music and followed by everyone going outside onto the nearly-deserted streets to sing Christmas carols at midnight. Mason will be with us, of course. And tomorrow brings ten of our favorite friends and family over to share the holiday with us. We'll dine on spiral sliced ham, roasted pork tenderloin, brussel sprouts roasted with walnuts, garlic green beans, scalloped potatoes, and some delicious dessert. And it will be all better. The ghosts will be gone. Until some other memory prompts their soon return to my head.

Merry Christmas -- to friends and loved ones -- those we see frequently and those who we may never have the opportunity to meet. For those who put up with me, for those who love me and have stood next to me, I thank you. I wish you the best Christmas ever.

Where In the World Is the Cheer?

Is there any particular reason why I'm short $300 that I didn't have to spend in the first place in only a few short hours this morning? Oh yeah, groceries, a ham for Christmas, trip to Target and the liquor store. I've been on a very long six-day trip which set me down in such faraway ports as Los Angeles, Seattle multiple times, San Diego, Denver, and Dallas. I have today off, and then work the next three. And today is totally filled with errands, shopping (alas, I'm minus the aforementioned funds), we have appointments the remainder of the day and I work tomorrow. I haven't read any blogs in a week. I haven't posted here in a week. I haven't been to yoga in months. The gym hasn't seen my sweat in numerous months, either. My presence on Facebook has been pretty limited -- umm, except for that little post on Saturday evening about my watching the Glenn Beck Christmas Special on Fox News. Yeah, bitch, there's a good time. My sleep is fitful. I've been having headaches for several months now. I'm wondering why not everyone who is invited to Christmas dinner RSVPs when they are asked too -- I mean, if I'd been invited to a free Christmas dinner, I'd respond...right? I have a bad attitude and really don't have much cheer in my stocking. I've been trying to drum up some yummy childhood memories to relive with you here. But, they just aren't there. Nothing is coming to me. So, that's it. Merry Christmas for those celebrating. Well, it's Christmas anyway -- whether you celebrate it or not, really.

PS -- I haven't even brushed my teeth or taken a shower today and have been out in public! It's now 1pm.

SoCals Vocals Ramp It Up

My fellow good-friend-o-blogger buddy David over at Someone In a Tree has a cousin participating in NBC's television show The Sing Off! airing tonight through Friday. I just watched a trailer for the show -- it made me feel so good, so alive, so energized. I haven't even heard of the show until now. But I can tell you that I will be watching.

From my limited understanding, the SoCals need to end up in the finals on Wednesday in order for television audience members to be able to vote for them for the Friday finale. Obviously, David and his family have a giant stake in this deal. So, check it out, would you please? No orchestra, no instruments, no karaoke. Just hot vocals by a bunch of fired-up folks in this world of lackluster television shows and blah. I hope you'll take time to watch in your busy schedules.

My Christmas Wish List

I've just discovered what I want for Christmas. How could I have overlooked it? I'm registered at Target if you're interested.

We Dun Been Ta Church......

We Dun Been Ta Church..... having experienced an energetic Portland tradition last night for the first time, we joined our good friends Alex and Paul at the Oregon Symphony's Gospel Christmas program at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall in downtown Portland. What a great time of year to be in any city's downtown area -- with the shoppers, sparkling cold winter nights, and everyone in warm coats, stylish hats, and finger-warming gloves made in China.

We stopped first for Happy Hour at another place we'd not been to yet (you'd think we lived under a rock, for god's sake). Saucebox. A very trendy, cool place filled with sexy wait staff in black t-shirts. Sweet potato spring rolls, spicy cold Chinese noodles, onion burgers, and edamame. Oh, and liquid too -- Sidecars! Then it was off for a leisurely stroll up Portland's trademark downtown street....Broadway. Past the historic Benson Hotel and it's annual giant Christmas gingerbread house and pretty lobby tree, through Nordstrom for expensive lip balm for dry cracked winter lips worn out from kissing, into Banana Republic where I did my best to chat up a nice young salesman, a breeze through Columbia Sportswear's flagship store in which I found no shortage of expensive things I wanted, a quick stop for dessert at Flying Elephant's Deli where I looked for my friend Stephen, and finally to the concert hall.

What the concert lacked in traditional Christmas-type music, it more than made up for in its energy and enthusiasm. The hundred or so vocalists are from quite a number of local churches and provided a performance that would rock anybody's world. They've been doing this with the Oregon Symphony for 11 years now. It was filled with the spice that lacks in many of the circles that I run in -- good old fashioned gospel Christmas music complete with hand-raising, foot-stomping, and worshiping. Praising and hand waving and standing up in appreciation and honor. It was clear that the four of us gays were like fish out of water. Although I did spot a few other typically Portland types -- sort of au natural, funky-hat-wearing, gray-haired, Subaru-driving, recycling sort of folks. I kept saying to myself, "I love this concert but I don't really fit in with the audience." Weird, but true. Everyone looked conservative. And I had to stop counting the number of fake-blonde-bottle-jobs I saw (are their any white women that don't have their hair colored nowadays??). I kept overhearing people around us talking about "praying for this or that," or "what a good job the Lord gave me." And the cross! The giant gold cross that gentle nestled itself between the aging breasts of the mid-50s woman in the top, center row of the chorus -- it kept catching the rays of spotlights just so and beaming itself right into my eye. But I'm just that way. I like things that are out of my element or activities that I'm not typically a part of. Sort of expanding my four walls in that way. It's good for us. To see how the other side lives.

So, it was a blast. A wild, rockin' explosive time of blues combined with gospel backed up with a full symphony and all done in a holiday sort of way.

Multnomah Falls Frozen!

What a day. We've had below-freezing temperatures for many days now. It's been clear, ultra cold, and a bit unusual for us. After my morning turn to Orange County, we headed east out of Portland up I-84 to Multnomah Falls. It's just up a ways past one of my favorite clothing-optional beaches (Rooster Rock), about 20 miles east of us up the Columbia River. The falls are one of the highest in the US. And right now, they're frozen! In fact, there were many such areas along the shear cliffs as we drove along. Amazing views. If you have never been here, it definitely needs to be on your list. And you wouldn't believe how many photographers were out there -- it was at least as busy as a summer day. Enjoy the pictures here.