Have you ever had no place to go? No place to call "comfortable" and "like home." Ever been lost -- out of sorts -- your mind, and even your heart, pulled in multiple directions. Maybe familial, possibly religious, could even be self-imposed. Who knows. And who cares. But the feeling of having no place to go is not pretty. We saw Latter Days for the second time tonight. If you haven't checked it out, you should. Especially if you're from a religious family or upbringing. And even more especially if you're from a Mormon family. And, most of all, if you've ever been without friends or someone to turn to. The character played by Jacqueline Bisset pulls the whole thing together for me. I mean, the woman can utter the most simple of words -- "Welcome" -- and it twists my heart strings. I guess when you've experienced not being welcome in your life, you know what that means......to feel welcomed, I mean.
I am blessed with countless friends. Countless. Most of the ones I have today have come into my life over the last ten years since my coming out. The prior ones? They're gone. Disappeared into the maze of religiosity and fear. Couldn't handle me. Couldn't deal with homosexuality. Didn't want to deal with their own internal fights over right and wrong. I'd love to name my friends, by name, right here. To thank them. And wish them the same joy they've brought into my life. Accepted me when others wouldn't. Welcomed me when others couldn't.
From yesterday's fear of rejection, to the actual art of rejection, I have come this far. To today. Through yesterday. And toward tomorrow.
For this Memorial Day weekend, I salute not only the military folks in our nation....but all of you, my friends. The ones I know. The ones I don't know. The ones that I've emailed or blogged with but never met. I salute you, I honor you, I thank you. For being my friends in this life. No matter what season we find each other in, I will always be thankful for your belief in me, even when I am less than reasonable, and for -- especially -- welcoming me to your homes, your lives, and to your table. It's nice to have a place to go.
19 comments:
No, thank YOU, Lewis. This post represents so much of what has happened to me within the last 5 months.
that was spot-on!
having someplace to go to call 'yours' is as vital as good water and air.
That speaks so much of your character, but it's only natural! You're one of the most sweetest bloggers that I've never met! :-) Thanks for that Lewis!
Lewis,
If you ever get north of the border, you're always welcome at my table. It's a habit we got into over the years, Mom and myself, whenever we set the table, we always set one more, just in case.
Latter Days is a wonderful movie.
Wonderfully and truly spoken.
Your blog feels like home to me.
I love this post, Lewis. And I'm crazy about that movie. You nailed it with the role Bisset plays - when I watch her I feel like, just let me be that kind of person to others, and let someone else be that for me.
I have felt as though I had no place to go, though in fact I always have.
As Robert said, you're one of the sweetest bloggers I've never met. That will have to be remedied, and soon.
That movie is so awesome, and one of my favorite lines of Jacqueline's/Lila's:
Lila: "Guilt distracts us from a greater truth - that we have an inherent ability to heal. We seem intent on living through even the worst heartbreak."
Christian: "How?"
Lila: "Practice."
Happy Memorial Day.
I have to agree with Doug and Robert,"you're one of the sweetest bloggers I've never met."
I loved your response to my last post. Made my day.
Nice post Lewis! Friends come and go all through our lives and it is sad when they don't accept us for who we are. I am no different than anyone else...except I like men... not women for sex. One of my favorite lines is from the Wizard of Oz... A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others.
Have a great weekend everybody!
I corrected some typo’s from last night’s comment. I was blurry from a long day when I wrote it.
=========================================================
Lewis, I am sad that when you came out, that so many fell away from friendship with you. What can I say? There are those for who religion is a cult, a drug, and a very man made highly organized and somewhat arbitrary game. These souls are actually quite spiritually barren and faithless: their sense of religion is brick and mortar, material, dogmatic, and oh so brittle.
Then there are those souls for who the sense of faith has well taken root, deeply and most mysteriously, in their soul. Their sense of faith is quiet, and transcends all the bric-a-brac do-dads, and pretzel-logic dogmas, and earthy country-club hierarchies of spiritually dead cigar chompers (tired flabby uninspired old men) sitting around arguing about meaningless and worthless dogmas.
The faithless of humanity are threatened by any deviance from their artificial cult-as-religion belief system, and tend to circle the wagons into an “Us” versus “Them” last stand at any sign of trouble. “Them” is always painted as evil and “Us” as divinely inspired who can do no wrong up no matter how repulsive and sick “Us” becomes. The ones for whom real faith has taken root seek out and celebrate truth wherever they find it growing, across the width and breadth of the human experience, all times and places.
When I left the Mormon Church, I lost all my Mormon friends, save for a a precious few. One was my roommate. He was a Central American (Guatemalan), and faithful Mormon. His elderly mother also stayed rock solid with me. She was an illiterate Mayan India woman, but had an ancient and wise soul. I would have really known that I was a piece of crap had she not liked me, as she possessed the uncanny real intelligence to be able to look into one’s soul and see it for what it was: good, or not so good. I learned so much from Danilo about taking care of a mother, as he took care of his. I miss him, and think of him often. I loved him dearly, though I was not “in love” with him (he was gay). He was a very sweet and humble man, and real humility is most attractive. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
==>Have you ever had no place to go?
Oh boy Lewis, I don’t really want to get started on that question, as it can lead me to tears (too late). One of my favorite songs, sort of a tape loop that is always running in a hidden cubby of my soul, has the lines:
“But oh that magic feeling, no where to go”. http://www.lyricsdepot.com/the-beatles/you-never-give-me-your-money.html
There is a part of me that fits in no where in this world. I like to think that it is for the next world, perhaps. Ironically it fuels my artistic creative drive. Relentlessly creative vision. A sense of something beyond this world that fills me and comes out in whatever medium I touch.
Um...this is getting a little too heavy for polite chit chat blog comments, so I bid you and yours a sweet and restful “Goodnight”.
Sometime I will tell my story of how I came to join the church, and how I came to leave it. But not tonight.
Oh, and add my vote to affirm your sweetness, you little social butterfly boy.
it does speak of your character as Robert says. I really enjoyed this post, and now I really want to go see that movie. I was lucky in my coming out process, everyone was really supportive
Truly hope we get to meet one day, and have that coffee on a veranda, overlooking the African Savanna.
Thank you Lewis for a wonderful blog. Good to 'read' from one so grounded!
Right back at ya, Hon! :)
Your blog feels 'home' to me. In terms of the genuine warmth and good vibes I get when I read such insightful posts like today's.
Thanks for the warm & fuzzy, Lewis!
(and you already know how I feel about Latter Days. Pass me the Kleenex, hon...)
What a wonderful post :)
I love that movie, and I'm glad you've found a place to call home with so many people in so many ways, because to be loved is the best feeling of home.
Have a great day and thank you for all the joy you bring into people's lives! xoxo
Did I ever tell you that my neighbor Kenny that I wrote about was Mormon? I had a bit of a time getting through some scenes in that movie...
On the funny side, Mark Twain read the Book of Mormon and said it was "chloroform in print."
Post a Comment