Bits and Bobs of Discovery

Ahh, these little moments of discovery in one's life. Dusting off boxes, looking for a special Mother's Day tribute to post (and not finding it...blech)....but, alas, the gems in the rough appear...blatant, honest weirdos poking their groovy faces through into the year 2007.

Don't giggle too much, please. This post of pics seems to go perfectly with the one from yesterday (below) on "Being of this World but not in it." Things are coming full circle, it seems. And, my dear wonderful friends, how no one knew about me or were able to tell is way beyond me. No laughing or cackling now. Here are a bunch more.

Being In the World -- But Not Of the World

I remember 1978 when I was on a spring break trip with 240 high schoolers...mostly juniors and seniors....and two of us who were sophomores. We were spending one week on the East coast checking out all of the typical tourist sights and learning about our country's heritage. It was my first time there and it made a huge impact.

Our first night there, we were in Williamsburg, Virginia, in a Best Western motel. There were four of us in each room, two to a bed. I got no sleep the entire week. Wanting to get down and dirty with the guy in the bed with me and, at the same time, totally afraid and paranoid that it would happen. Nothing did. What did happen was that I watched Saturday Night Live for the very first time. You see, we didn't ever get to partake in that type of show at home (nor did we get to stay up that late). I remember feeling so much like I was doing something that I shouldn't be doing. You know, really living on the edge of something "adult." The rest of the week brought me even further that direction with drinking beer in the hotel room with other kids, seeing all of the adult shops in Times Square, and watching other people my own age go ape shit at being away from home by themselves for the first time.

I remember listening to my AM transistor radio, with the antenna pulled as far up as it would go and angling it just right for the best reception. I heard songs like Smoking in the Boy's Room and Chevy Van, among others, that I just knew were not in sync with my Bible-believing, church-going upbringing. They just didn't fit together very well -- we were supposed to be "in the world, but not of the world." Every time I'd hear them, I'd think that this was a long way from the lessons I'd heard in Sunday School.....and that this was probably what it meant to be doing things that would taint my good behavior and turn me into another one of those "worldly individuals."

Then, The Streak came out and became a horribly popular song. It was played over and over on stations everywhere. Every time I'd hear it, I'd almost get embarrassed to think of a person running with no clothes on in front of others. Never! How uncomfortable it made me feel. Almost like I shouldn't be doing or listening to this song.

A world away, that was. Thankfully.

Straight As An Arrow

A couple of buddies trying to decide where to go for dinner and then begging me to go with them:

The Dudes: Come on, go with us.

Me: Nah, I think I'll just hang out in the hotel.

The Dudes: You tell us where you want to go and we'll go.

Me: Can't I just stay at the hotel and not go?

The Dudes: No, we need you to go with us. You're the straight one around here.

Oh my god, if I'm the straight one, we're all in trouble. I think they must have been smoking something.

Yep, I did go. Korean BBQ which would normally never have been my choice. Clay pot rice and veggies. Delicious. Oh, and did I mention the green tea ice cream? I'm getting fat.

What Do Others Say About You?

What are five words/phrases that other people use to describe you? Scary, huh? Now, I don't mean five goodie-too-shoo words that you think other say about you. I mean, hard core words that you've heard other people use to describe you....both the lily white pure yummy stuff and the you-have-to-be-kidding-there's-no-way-I'm-like-that sort of things. I'll go first (yeah, I know there are six, not five, but the number isn't really important):

1. Cold/Not Warm and Fuzzy. (Black and white...so realistic and practical.)
2. Hard to Get to Know. (I spent 35 years hiding who I am.)
3. Funny/Dry Sense of Humor/Don't Know if I'm Serious or Not
4. Serious/Need to Have More Fun/Loosen Up.
5. Organized/Realistic.
6. Wise Beyond Your Years. "You'd be a good Counselor."

These things should not really be things you do but, rather, who you are...inside...your core being. Some of these things are pretty hard to swallow for me. There was a day when I was majorly defensive at hearing less-than-pure thoughts from others about myself. As if! The monster can still rear its ugly head if I'm not careful. In some ways, I guess I'll probably have to keep that in check for the rest of my life. I think those of us who grew up not really being able to be ourselves get all screwed up sometimes. It's not an excuse (because I can't stand excuses)....it's just the way it is. We spend a good chunk of our developmental years hiding, covering, making up stories about who we are. So, as an adult, we tend to have a stilted point of view....both of ourselves, others, and the world around us. And it can cause real trouble as others from the outside try to peer into our lives and take a look around. They get mixed up sometimes. And, sometimes, they are spot on. Questions to consider:

* Has the list changed over time?
* Is the list more or less "positive" or "negative"?
* Do you think you're getting better or worse as your life progresses?
* Are you where you want to be?
* Do you seek out other's opinions of you or do you just want to hear them?
* How do you respond to what you hear others say about you?
* Do you take what others say defensively or openly.
* How does it make you feel?
* Do you take other's thoughts as a tool for improvement?

A very special thank you to all of you who helped put me well over the 10,000 mark by the end of yesterday. I hit an all-time record for the number of hits in one day and the number of comments in one post. I had responses from so many new people as well as my good old reliable standards. To those of you who put posts on your site or asked your friends to email me, you're way cool! As a thank you gift, I would love to buy you dinner next time you're in Portland or when I'm with you. My treat. I appreciate you all so much and have enjoyed meeting each of you....some "virtually" and others in person, on the telephone, or via email. It doesn't really matter. I consider each of you my friend. And that's really what makes the world go 'round.

Anybody in San Francisco or Oakland and would like to have dinner on Sunday or Monday evening, hit me up. Love to see you.

Help Me Break 10,000......Today!

You'll see that my stat counter is approaching 10,000.....and probably will hit it late today or tomorrow. Not that bad for a six-month-old blog that knew absolutely nothing about the whole deal that long ago.

I'm hoping you can help me jump the 10,000 mark in a huge way. I'd like to see how many hits I can get in the next 24 hours. I know, I know....we all want the fame and fortune and hits. Our egos beg for it. Our clickers just itch for it. And we check, over and over, to see if the number have erected.

Would you mind helping me? Pass along to your readers, your email list, your porn list, even your mother-in-law, my site and encourage them to take a look today. I would really appreciate you pushing me over the 10,000 mark in a big way. I'm shameless, I know. And, please, let me know what I can do in return.

Domestic Partnerships in Oregon!

You'll never believe it. Oregon's senate sent a Domestic Partnership bill to the governor yesterday and he's expected to sign it. Gladly and happily. We'll be the 9th in the nation to have such a provision. And, thankfully and appropriately, the Oregon Family Council has stated that they will not seek the signatures to put the bill up to vote for Oregon citizens to decide on. This is the second pro-human being bill to be passed along to Governor Kulongoski in the last several weeks. Check this out too.

So, celebration cake and ice cream? A favorite cocktail? Clink a glass to us today, would you please?

May Day Yard and Garden Tour

UPDATE (3:28pm PDT): Look here for some really cool pictures of the hail storm that passed through about an hour ago....check out the little Hawthorn tree blossoms in the hail stones.

I had originally planned on posting this yesterday...right on May Day 2007. But I discovered that YouTube only permits files up to a certain size...and this one is larger than that. So, this one is from blip.tv. It may take longer to load, be patient. I also can't figure out why the video stops every so often. Help! If you're struggling to see it, try this link: http://blip.tv/file/217087/
I wanted to take you on a little tour around our yard and garden. Hope you enjoy. Don't forget to listen to the May audio greeting on the left side too.

Click To Play

Yard and garden tour, May Day 2007

Tramping Around Like Any Good Blogger Should

I've been tramping around this week. Spent Wednesday evening in Orlando with Sorted and his wonderful man, CTO City, and Actorschmactor at the Orlando Ale House. It was my third visit, and the last for a while. As expected, we had a blast. Thank you guys for taking the time to be such great hosts and have dinner with me. You're the best.

Last night, I met Jimmi for the first time in Phoenix. We had such a great, relaxing evening. Began with dinner at Ticoz complete with a coconut/lime mojito and a blood orange margarita. We enjoyed getting to know each other and then moved down the road to Kobalt where we continued the good times. I can't believe he spent a Saturday evening with me! I thought that only the special girls got that time frame reserved for them. Jimmi, you're awesome....I had a blast.

Grace

Have someone ever extended a portion of grace to you? Have you ever extended grace to someone else? "Of course" is probably the answer to both. There are numerous formal definitions to the word "grace." There is the "seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion" which reminds me of old classic movies, with beautiful women and men, gliding gracefully across the dance floor. It also reminds me of a couple of people I know who carry themselves in such a graceful way. If I ask a born-again Christian about the word, I'm nearly positive I'll hear a response about "divine love and protection bestowed freely on people; the state of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God; or an excellence or power granted by God." Many a sermon has been preached along those lines. And then there is the short prayer said before many a meal or the title that some are called such as "His Grace." That's what I like my honey to call me in more formal settings....you know, maybe at a silver tea service gathering among the formally dressed and coiffed.

But have you ever been granted "mercy; clemency; a favor rendered by one who need not do so; a temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve"? I have. There have been numerous times in my life when I've been a real asshole and done or said things that should have brought down terrible consequences for me. And sometimes they have. Or said things to others in a fit of anger or without thinking before speaking. Sometimes, that has led to a knock-down, drag-out fight. Other times, the person just looked at me and said "I understand." No retribution, no hatred, no rebuttal. Grace extended. Or mistakes made that can't be undone....it's too late.....I've really screwed up. And there was someone else saying "I'm going to overlook it. I know you've made a mistake and won't do it again." And suddenly it's like you have a new lease on life. A new chance and a new fresh start. And at some other point just beyond that, you realize that, by all rights, you should have been sent to the gallows or dungeon. But that you weren't. If you have been there, and I know you have, you know exactly what I mean. I did not used to be a person who would easily ask for forgiveness and say "I'm sorry." And I am not proud of that. I hope I'm getting better. I'm trying to "put on the softer side of Sear's" as the commercial goes.

Have you extended grace to anyone recently? I hope so. Because I believe in karma or "it all comes back around." It's just a way of life that I hope to foster. And I hate the thought of what not doing it does to my physical and emotional body....in my head and heart. Even if they deserve the worst....and many times, they do. Just like I have, numerous times. I think of the hurt I caused my ex-wife when I even married her in the first place knowing that it didn't stand much of a chance. I think of the harmful, unmerited words uttered to my partner in fits of anger. I think of uncalled for sighs or rolls of the eyes or "you're annoying me" body language I have been prone to from time to time. Or actions taken that cannot be reversed. It's not pretty. And, still, the grace was offered.

I hope you'll pass grace along to someone today who doesn't deserve it. Someone who yells at you, doesn't speak back when spoken to, cuts you off in traffic -- or, more personally, your family, friends, or partner when they have bad attitudes and tell you that you're a pain in the butt. You probably are.

And that's the perfect time to reach out, extend grace and unmerited favor, and begin to develop into a different type of person. The person like Grace Kelly, Mother Teresa, or one of those who we think of when we think about the word "grace."

Daring to Bare It All

"Anthropologists logically presume that humans originally lived naked, without clothing, as their natural state." This quote from Wikipedia is one that I can relate to. After 35 years of hiding, covering, and afraid for anyone to see me for who I am, I have given up on all of that crap. I pretty much am a "take me as I am" kind of guy. A little abrasive sometimes, opinionated, and sort of just "out there." It's me! And, occasionally, I'm even a nice guy (imagine that).

I grew up in a household of horribly modest people. Good people, beautiful people...but not a bare ass cheek would be seen. I would go to take my bath, close the door, lock the door, and then even pull out the sliding drawer that would block the door from being opened....even if the intruder would use a little paper clip to unlock the door from the outside and disgrace me. And a wash cloth always stood as sentry -- nearby, waiting -- just in case the fortress was invaded. Those days are far gone. I'll bet that my hubby will rue the day that he and a good friend took me to my first nude beach. I haven't stopped going since.

I had just moved to Portland....it was my first hot summer. They decided to take me to Rooster Rock State Park, about 20 miles east up the Columbia River Gorge. Truly, an unbelievable place to spend the afternoon. I remember my heart racing and eyes darting around....nervous, scared, and wondering. They both kept their shirts on. I took the plunge and dropped it all. And now I can't quit.

As the weather warms, I'm already thinking about how high the river levels still are...and that takes up much of the beach and leaves the paths muddy. We've got two beaches here and both are incredibly amazing places to go au natural. I've met some people there, read books, layed in the sun, listened to every conversation you can imagine, seen families with children, watched heterosexual couples go at it, and (with any luck) I'll have an I-pod to take with me this summer. I even bought a season parking pass last year at Sauvie Island. I have a good friend who likes to go to. So, when we can, we go together. Snacks, drinks, and good conversation for the day. Oh, and major amounts of sunscreen and mosquito spray too. Can't have bugs biting our little wee-wee's. Weekends are very busy....you have to get their early. The weekdays, when most are at work, are some of the greatest times ever. Quiet, peaceful, sometimes I'm the only one there. The barges carrying wheat go up and down the river at Rooster Rock. The huge ships carrying new Hyundais and Toyotas to Portland pass by Sauvie Island.

I've run across people that I know....and it can get just a little uncomfortable for a minute or two. But I've learned that I am right there with the anthropologists when I feel as free and good as I do naked in the sunshine on a warm summer afternoon. No cares, no worries -- and, certainly, no clothes to cover up anything. What in the world is there to hide...really? I never thought I'd be this way. Never in a million years. I spent so much of my early life being embarrassed and shy about my skinny white body. My discovery has led me to know that we're all different, with or without clothes. The spectrum is wide on who will drop their drawers at the beach. But, I promise you, it doesn't really matter. When you're 90 years old, it will definitely not be something that I regretted doing.

So whatever it is that brings you pleasure, enjoyment, and peace in your life, go for it. Life is definitely too short for worrying about having a good time.

Side Note: I'm on my way back to Orlando tonight for another dinner with The Bloggers of Orlando tomorrow night. It's my third visit in six weeks. I just can't quit.

Procrastination

Are you a procrastinator? As I started into thinking about this post, I was going to tell you that I'm not. And, for the most part, I'm definitely not. I believe in getting things done. The only thing I hate worse than having to do something is the feeling that there's something that needs to be done that has not been done.....does that make sense? I hate things hanging over my head. Like the two gallons of paint that are at the top of our stairs...in our bedroom. The date on the top of the can? February 17, 2006. Yes, over a year it's been sitting there. It's actually been put into the closet at the top of the stairs now. Out of sight but not out of mind. No excuse, no reason.

For the most part, however, I am not a procrastinator. I am in love with getting things crossed off of my "to do" list. That's a feeling that makes the day better. I believe in putting things behind me rather than leaving them out in front of me to look at. Especially if they are unpleasant tasks. The days, weeks, and months seem to go so quickly and are so full of things that each of us must do. Every day seems to bring enough trouble of it's own. Rather than piling up yesterday's troubles along with today's, I honestly try to keep do things as they come up. The shorter amount of time they are on my to-do list, the better.

So, if you are a procrastinator, why are you? If you are not one, why are you not one? Who taught you what parameters you live by today in this regard? Do you wish you had been taught differently or are you happy with the way you are today?

Years ago, I heard someone say that there are three words that will guarantee that you're not a procrastinator and guarantee that your tasks are done on time:

"Do It Now."

Those three words are the single answer to solving procrastination. Simple, yet, truthful and the answer to solving procrastination issues. Now, where is that paintbrush? (I hope you'll enjoy the picture of our pink dogwood tree. It sits in our backyard and we love it.)

Discrimination? Not Here!

Today we woke to this headline in The Oregonian. I knew it was coming. It has been since the 1970s. 34 years to get anti-discrimination legislation passed in what has been a relatively blue state. Me and McDonald's were joined at the hip early this morning after a CT scan on my sinuses. McGriddle with bacon and cheese, hash browns, OJ, a cinnamon melt (if you haven't had one, you need to...just one) and a coffee....cream and sugar, please. And there it was....the headline poking its way into my early morning. Before I could stoop down and take a look through the paper vending machine, my eyes were wet. Totally wasn't expecting that (the moist eyes or the legislation). My favorite quotes out of the article were these: "To complete a struggle that has gone on for so long was a feeling of relief and of satisfaction that Oregon is a better place today than it was yesterday." "There are a lot of Oregonians who feel a lot better about living in the state today." Oregon is the 18th state to pass such legislation. Not that we ever have experienced it, but we'll soon be able to go into restaurants or theaters here and not fear being kicked out because we're of the same sex. Yes, it still is legal to throw someone out of a movie theater, restaurant, or other public setting in more than half of the states. It does have a religious exemption, however. Businesses that are church-run can still boot us out on the street....that's why we don't frequent placed like Elmer's. Too many church overtones in spite of good food and they contribute plenty of money to anti-gay causes in our state. There is still a motel near our home that is run by Eastside Foursquare Church. They will be able to continue turning away same-sex couples. (I think they're supposed to feel good about being able to do promote hate.) Please, don't frequent this motel or it's associated coffee shop. So, I hope you'll join us in celebrating today. Take a look at the article and enjoy. It happens so seldom in this nation anymore. Let's bask in the glory for a while. Okay?

Here's another article from today's Oregonian. Judy Shepard, the woman well-known as Matthew Shepard's mother, came to visit Jesuit High School students this week. They are preparing to present The Laramie Project next week. It's really monumental considering the conservative nature of the school. They have launched a program called "Crusade for Respect." I would throw my arms around them if I could. Mrs. Shepard says that "Hate is a learned behavior. I blame society for teaching people it's OK to hate." Today, I applaud them. They are doing their best to put an end to hate right where they live. Are you?

East Meets West

Our Memories of India will never be the same. With the fate of Sanjaya at hand, my second meeting with The Orlando Brigade has happened! What a great evening of conversation (we could actually hear ourselves this time....as opposed to last). Met Ctocity for the first time, and alt.>Mike, Sorted, and I Deal With It all returned for second helpings of bad boy, back alley, down and dirty talk. Being in an Indian restaurant and all, we thought it appropriate to have a little toast to Sanjaya....that did a lot of good. Irony. Check out the pics. Sorted and I had spent the afternoon tooling about town, having a delicious lunch at Crispers, and shooting the breeze with each other. You guys all rock. Seriously. Again, I don't care what the papers say. You boys are good people. See you (again) next week.....same time, same channel. And best wishes to you all for a successful time this weekend in the Orlando AIDS Walk. Now, as for the coming weekend.....I'll be making stops in Phoenix and Oakland.....any takers for dinner???

To Thine Own Self Be True

Today I celebrate my 10th Anniversary of coming out. It was April 17, 1997, that I filed my divorce papers, went home, and began making horribly painful telephone calls to my sister, brother, and then (in person) to my mother. As most of these stories go, it was crazy and terrible at the time. Today? I wouldn't trade it for the world. I am indebted to all of my family, friends, and my partner for helping me along and taking good care of me along the way. My message of wisdom? To thine own self be true.

I'm just home from a terrific long weekend in Philadelphia with some really cool new friends that we met on our Caribbean cruise a few months back. We spent my honey's birthday there under I&A's excellent care....complete with birthday dinner at a French restaurant that sits in an old general store alongside the road. Ooh, it was yummy. We did the quick Liberty Bell-Independence Hall-Christ Church-Betsy Ross House tour, spent the afternoon at Longwood Gardens (check out the pics), drank wine and margaritas, ate delicious home-cooked food, and -- for the finale -- spent Sunday under 5 inches of rain and woke Monday morning to snow. Roads under water, the whole works. But who cared....when you're with good friends, it really doesn't matter. They took such good care of us. We're looking forward to reciprocating sometime this summer.

Tonight I am back to work.......to ORLANDO! Fly all night, rest up a bit tomorrow morning, and then Sorted has graciously taken the afternoon off to spend with me again....all of that before we meet up for dinner with some combination of alt>Mike, Achtorschmactor, I Deal With It, and whoever else may be around. This will be my second visit with "The Orlando Brigade" in a month. And, that's not the end of it....I'm going back again next week too. I tell you, my hair is going to be in a mess from the wind blowing it in every direction. The body clock is all screwed up (these sorts of things happen easier and more frequently as we age, boys....don't forget).

I'm quite remiss in reading blogs, responding to emails, and posting. My apologies....but it's going to be a bit longer.

Happy Birthday to the Love of My Life

Friday will mark my honey's birthday. He is an amazing man that has faced obstacles, trials, and all of his life with determination, gladness, and always a willingness to allow himself to change and evolve into a more beautiful person. For all he does for me, and for all he puts up with, I offer this tribute to him today. I love you and Happy Birthday!

We will be out of town visiting friends in Philadelphia until next week. I won't be posting or reading your blogs until we return. Also, I'm on my way back to Orlando next week to join up with the wacky and crazy group there! Scary.