Pride, Arrogance and High Powered Attitudes

Woops....that's about the only way I can describe this picture. You can't see it overly well...but you can see that the route went to the right (east) of MSP before it made a few turns and headed back. It's the flight plan for Northwest/Delta flight 188 last Wednesday, October 21, when it was supposed to have landed at Minneapolis but, instead, decided to burn up a little more fuel before it made its way back to MSP. The pilots were, apparently, in a heated discussion about their company's pilot scheduling component. And, having heard such discussions many times in my 15 years in the airline business, I can only imagine that it was, as they said, "heated." Airline employees in general, and especially pilots and flight attendants, are quite passionate about their jobs, their schedules, their seniority, and what they believe they "should have" and what they "shouldn't have." It's nearly always a constant battle between union and company -- employee and management.

I love my job, don't get me wrong. And I've got a long list of very valuable friends in every single position in the industry from management to front-line customer service personnel. They are people typically given to good times, laughter, and enjoy their jobs. But not always. The recent turbulent history of the airline industry has lent itself to a growing dissatisfaction of pilots and other with their jobs. They don't like their salaries, their management, their hours, their meals, their hotels, their schedules.....oh yes, their schedules! And that's where this particular story takes us. Apparently they were discussing their schedules. Remember that Delta and Northwest Airlines have merged. Northwest, as we've always known it, will go away. It will become Delta. And these were two Northwest pilots -- they are going to be merged into the Delta airlines pilot seniority list somehow -- no guarantees, they may actually lose seniority, may have to start over at a place that they aren't today....it may not be pretty. The first part of next year, there will actually be combination crews of former Northwest and former Delta pilots and flight attendants on board. And their schedules may definitely be affected. Remember, these are folks who have typically devoted a giant chunk of their time to having been educated and trained to be in charge of a multi-million dollar airliner with the lives of passengers at stake every day. It's tough -- very much so.

You must understand that the pilot in command (PIC) has complete authority of any given flight. If he doesn't feel right about any particular portion of the fight (unruly passengers, freight, weight and balance, safety issues, fuel, cabin customer service components such as lights, etc.), he has the total authority to say "No, I'm not going." He or she can, single handedly, do essentially what they want. They may have to answer for it but rarely so; but in this industry, anything blamed on "safety" will rarely be questioned. And, anything can be blamed on safety, believe me. Anything. Pilots have no direct report....no direct supervision or person to whom they report. Pilots, and flight attendants for that matter, can get a little crazy sometimes with the freedom that they have. They can come across as police enforcers. They can make decisions, or statements, that will not always be questioned. They have giant latitude in making decisions on their own. And that freedom of authority can, occasionally, get out of hand. And, believe me, I'm not pointing fingers -- I've been there and done that myself, sadly.

I've seen some of the best pilots in the world. And I've seen some of the worst. I've questioned pilots when I genuinely believe that I've needed to. But when that happens, I'd better be prepared with a damned good excuse for asking. In fact, I recently questioned a pilot about why in the world he failed to notify the flight attendants about an inflight mechanical failure of a nonessential component that resulted in an eight-hour delay for us. He wasn't happy and we got into a bit of a tiff about it. The delay isn't the issue. The failure to communicate is. His response? He claims that I was acting unprofessionally by questioning his authority and judgment. And he claims that since it was nothing that concerned me, that he chose not to say anything. I call those sorts of judgments errors. Big errors. It's the sort of thinking that got Northwest/Delta 188 in trouble. Thinking they know it all. In fact, just this morning, I overheard three pilots chatting about this little issue on the employee bus as we made our way from the employee parking lot to the airport terminal. Guess what? They justified the pilot's actions! If there hadn't been three of them on the bus this morning, I'd have spoken up -- I'm not known for being a wallflower or overly demure.

There are pilots that are pleasant, friendly and always speak to me. And there are those who will never say a word. (And, to be fair, there are flight attendants who do the same.) It's much like a doctor -- they are GOD. They hate to be questioned or asked to explain their decisions. They have the ability to make your flight, your day, your life, as easy as pie. Or like total hell. It's like any other job in the world.....we get so used to doing what we do that we lose touch with the harsh reality that today is a new day, new faces, new opportunities -- and that we still have to be diligent to pay attention, double check all that we need to, and make it the safest flight possible. Pride, arrogance, and high powered attitudes don't count. Especially in this industry, that remains essential. This isn't a "bash the pilot" post. It is, however, a reminder to all of us to remain engaged and active in our jobs, our lives, our families and responsibilities.

So, when I hear about pilots who accidentally go 150 miles beyond where they are supposed to because they were having a heated discussion about their management and their scheduling, I am concerned. I don't care what they were doing in the flight deck. It matters not whether they were eating, sleeping, on their laptops, giving head to each other, or reading a newspaper. I don't care if they like their jobs, were happy, or hated their management. What does matter, unequivocally so, is that they failed at being the pilots in command of a flight. They failed at receiving and responding to radio and text calls. They were not coherent or in control. A coherent person would have not only heard the radio call, but actually responded to it as required. They failed at being in charge of their flight. And it took a flight attendant's interphone call to remedy that. And for that, my friends, they should be fired.

(De)Fragmented Friday Fineries

Momma in law is home as of yesterday afternoon. We had her entire apartment cleaned as best we could and rearranged so she could move easily with her walker without tripping. Her refrigerator and freezer are stocked so full you wouldn't believe it. She seems to be in good spirits now that she's out of the place she hated so much. I have one thing to say: If I ever end up in a hospital or rehabilitation center, I hope that I treat other people pleasantly and appreciate others for what they do for me without griping, complaining, and flying off the handle at them. Enough said.

I miss my hubby this morning. For the second time in the recent weeks, he's found his way out of bed in the middle of the night because of an inability to sleep. It's been very stressful being the sole caregivers for the aforementioned MIL -- No other family members here to run errands and take her to appointments and no family helping reimburse us for the mounting costs of helping her maintain her life. We've had little time together, no gym time, and a busy work schedule. And we've had very little Mason and home time. So, neither of us have been sleeping well. We've been trying to find time for a trip to the Oregon Coast -- it's only 1 1/2 hours away and we haven't been there in more than two years. But, there's no time. And I need a trip to Boise to see my mom and sis.....and there's no time for that either. So, all of that to say that we need to get better sleep and regain some sense of normality.

Did you know that most (all?) schools nowadays have a zero-tolerance drug policy -- and I mean no aspirin, Tylenol, no nothing. So, one of my family members in 8th grade found that out the hard way. She found some sort of pill underneath a school desk and split it with a classmate. (I know, I know....very very silly.) She's a bright, educated, smart, intelligent and beautiful young lady and it surprised me more than you can imagine. So, another classmate watched them do this, turned them in to the school officials, and they were both suspended immediately for a minimum of five days while the school Board sorted out the issue. That's how it works. No questions, no nothing .... you get expelled .... no matter the drug, the story behind it, nothing. She went to the ER and had a drug test which showed no narcotics in her system. Then she is required to go before the School Board and plead her case, just like in court. The fine for actually being the "distributor" of the drug? The remainder of the semester off....until January! Fortunately for her, the School Board believed her story and allowed her to return to school with a requirement to attend some sort of drug classes. So, be warned, zero tolerance means exactly that.

My increasingly slow Sony Vaio laptop is bugging the hell out of me. I do all of my regular scans for viruses, run the defragmenter, clear the cookies, and all of that.....but it's not all that much better. I mean, I click on something and it's like I don't even know if it's registered the click or not...I wait, and wait. Dial-up speed (remember the OLD days??). Nothing appears to be wrong, and I can't find a definitive answer. So, I'm not sure what to do. It's just one more thing to add to my list of life's annoyances right now. So, after we climb into bed last night, hubby appears to be asleep when I see his eyes closed but his mouth say, "Aaaapppplllleeee." And then, "Maaccc Booooookkkkkkk." And then pretends to be snoring. I rolled him over and pry his eyes open to look at me. He said, "Just make sure they save one more for me because I want one too." I guess we both have a hankering for a Macbook. He tells me that he won't be surprised to see one on my desk when he returns from Seattle today.

And one more little teeny tiny thing: The Northwest Airline's pilots that accidently overflew their destination a few days back? You know, the ones that went 1:20 without radio contact? The ones that said they were having a heated discussion about company policy in the flight deck and were distracted? Fire 'em. Now.

Brutal Harshness of My Frail Humanity

I'm not quite sure where this is going. But I do know it's going to be honest. You've been warned. If you're the type of person who can't deal with straightforwardness, I'd suggest grabbing the Sunday comic section from last weekend's paper. I've had it. And not just today. It seems to be happening on a day-to-day basis. I keep on saying to myself and my partner, "I've had it." I'm edgy, irritated, upset, and angry and the slightest, oh say, driver who doesn't signal or people who stop at the bottom of escalators in spite of the fact there are a hundred more folks coming right behind them. Even taking the dog for a walk is getting on my nerves. Those are the sorts of things that are like pouring gasoline on a small fire.

As you well know, my MIL has been in the hospital and now in a rehabilitation center for two weeks. She's a horrible patient with even worse patience. It's always like dealing with a child in an adult's clothing. Yeah, okay, so I can sort through that on my better days -- I've known her long enough. But what I can't deal with is the effect that her actions, words, and thought processes continue to have on me, us, both of us. She has officially set "Wednesday as the day I'm going home." Oh, really? No doctors have been consulted, no social workers have advised, no home care has been arranged, and she can't even walk more than around 20 feet at a time. At home she's got an aging dog with breathing difficulties, has to cook and clean for herself, and her apartment is filled with so much furniture that you wouldn't believe it -- all things that we've tried to get rid of for years in an effort to simplify but are all things that she just has to have. She lives in a senior apartment without assistance or care. By herself. I told her yesterday that her going home has a giant mental heaviness that sits on my head because we are the only two responsible for her -- that I'm concerned for her being by herself and that it's us that have to deal with her continued issues. It's like talking to a doorknob. She doesn't care. "I can do it -- I just have to get out of here," she says with that wild-eyed, throw-caution-to-the-wind sort of look in her eyes. Um, yeah....okay, we'll see how that goes. And all of this from a woman who, in a fit of rage and anger, told me several years ago to "Get the hell out of my house and don't ever darken my doorway again." Makes it really tough to even want to help out. And it's not like I don't think she doesn't appreciate our caring....it's simply that I don't think it just doesn't make any real difference many times. It's never quite good enough. (Note to self: Remember this paragraph when we get a phone call in the middle of the night......)

I'm the sole driver in our family -- neither she nor my partner drive. And her other two sons don't live here and have minimal involvement on any sort of productive, essential level in her day-to-day care. Remember, you never know exactly who is going to be wiping your ass at any given point in your life. And if you're looking for a "thank you" from those that you should be receiving a "thank you" from, good luck with that. Caregiving is a real bitch sometimes. And I've honestly really had to sort through that in my mind for years now. And at times like this, I don't do a very good job at it and realize the brutal harshness that is my frail humanity. The pressure's on and there a lot of extra things that have to be done right now. I am solely responsible for anything that requires driving -- her trips to the grocery store, to get her prescriptions, to take her to doctor's visits, to get dog food when she runs out, and and and and........ and, again, I've reached my limit. I don't have the luxury of saying, "No." Occasionally I do. But I feel badly for knowing that I've denied an elderly person their sense of well being and that I'm not being nice. But I just have to draw the lines sometimes. I just cannot do it all.

Whiner? Perhaps. I'm not above confessing and sorting through my shortcomings. Just serve me a nice Brie with the whine, would you please? And a glass of chilled pinot gris would be lovely as well. I do it rarely but I'm afraid that I'm about to be doing it more and more often. These are issues that started long ago and battles that I've waged in my own head and soul for many years. And the feelings have not been resolved. And it's these pressure cooker sort of times that bring out either the best or the worst in folks, you know. I'm an organized, straightforward, logical, common sense thinker sort of guy. I get things done. A mover-and-shaker sort of dweeb. I do not do well at playing games, living with drama and the same old tired stories that I've heard for years. And that doesn't play out well in the land of Oz -- where fantasy, dreams, wishes, and hopes rarely come true.

I wish I were more like my own Mother sometimes. She's quite the woman -- always putting herself second and others first. I consider her and my long-passed grandmother frequently. They both had that innate quality of beauty, consideration for others always, and the gift of providing for others at all costs without complaint or the bad attitudes that pervade me today. I wonder if I can buy, purchase or even steal a better attitude? Either that or somebody's going to strangle somebody.....I swear it. I'm looking for duct tape, bed sheets, and razor blades as we speak.

Whose Going to Wipe Your Ass ?

Seriously. Whose going to wipe it? When you can't. When you are too old to do it, or your hands can't get down there the way they are supposed to. Have you thought about it? Probably not. But if you're demented like I am and try to do now what you're supposed to be so that your future years have as few problems as necessary, maybe you have considered it.

My mother in law has been in the hospital and now a rehabilitation center for nearly two weeks now. She lives alone since my father in law passed away more than a year ago. It's not the first time I've given this ass-wiping ceremony some thought. I've had more than my share of illnesses in my family. But who in your life right now, today!, will be by your side to clean up after you, cook for you, buy your groceries for you, take you to your doctor's appointments when you can't drive, pay your bills for you when you are living on straight Social Security and can't afford them, and yes, wipe up your bottom properly? Will it be your children? If you have none like me, then you can shoot that idea right out the window (maybe I should adopt a handsome young 18-year-old for these purposes??). Maybe a neighbor will help out. Or a friend. Or someone in your church, club, or little group. Or, perhaps, a combination of all of the above. I do know that you can't truly depend on anyone in particular -- children move away and have nothing to do with their parent's day-to-day care any longer except for an occasional obligatory phone call ..... husbands and wives and partners die or move or divorce ..... friends and family come and go. I'm not sure that anyone can truly be counted on for those end-of-life years that really look better on paper than in real life.

So, go ahead, push that call button that's been clipped onto your sheets -- push it and just wait....wait and see how long it takes for someone to show up to help you get onto the toilet. Or who shows up. I wonder who it will be. Let's see now, where is that call button........

Um Hum.....

Um hum.....this is my kind of morning. I love weather, all kinds of weather, sunrises, sunsets, snow and rain, gray and blue. This is what we had to endure this morning.

Vacation? Holiday?

Or shall we call it a holiday? Either way, it's been interesting. And I've got a bad attitude. So, go ahead, point fingers at me and call me bad names. I'll still have one.

Sean and Jeffrey didn't come to Portland at the very last minute....something about a little bowel obstruction, tubes down his throat, a lengthy hospital stay, and possible impending surgery. But, nonetheless, we have hospitals here.....(kidding, so don't start the hate mail). Needless to say, I was very disappointed.

My Mother in law fell and injured her leg. She's just finished six days in the hospital and is now in a rehabilitation facility. She's cranky and a very bad patient with a bad attitude. And she's gone way down hill. I'm hoping for a speedy recovery but, I have to say, when you take an 80 year old and stick 'em in bed, it's not a good idea. Our days have been filled with talk of Living Wills and Powers of Attorneys. Fingers crossed.

I've been sick and have felt like doing absolutely nothing -- but, instead, I've been doing everything...... Congested, head cold, bit of a sore throat. That always makes things better, doesn't it?

We had a giant party here on Sunday evening (to remember Sean and Jeffrey who were not able to join us, celebrate National Coming Out Day and the Equality March, and Christopher Columbus too). Lots of good friends, drinks, and food.....but it probably wasn't the best time for a party.....in spite of what you'll see in this picture.

Holiday? Vacation? Not so much.

Holy Hump Day !

I can't quite find the time to formulate any beautiful, white-picket-fence-laden thoughts, I'm afraid. In between bouts of having to work (it's a money thing), we're getting ready for the arrival of our good buddies Sean and Jeffrey tomorrow. You'll recall this post outlining the festivities! I can't believe that they are almost here......yippee! There are toilets to scrub (well, just one, actually), doggies to bathe (well, just one, actually), and floors to clean. Oh, I guess I'll wash their sheets as well, just out of my good-natured heart. And, by the way, if you're in the Portland area and would like to stop in this coming Sunday afternoon, October 11, at 4pm, you're more than welcome to -- we're having a little get together to introduce all of our Portland friends to Sean and Jeffrey -- email me for details if you'd like.

In addition, my MIL took a fall when her legs became tangled in a dog's leash yesterday. Not good when you're more than 80 and already have a hard time walking. So, 911-ambulance-ER = No broken bones. ....whew. But, I do have to admit, that sitting in the ER waiting room for numerous hours provided me with enough fodder for six year's worth of blog posts. Let me put it this way: Wal Mart has NOTHING over the ER that I sat in last night. Nothing. There was a young lady cornered by two hospital security guards and asked about her reason for being in the hospital, who she was, what she was doing, etc. They told her they'd be right back with her. And what did she do? Made a bee-line for me....ME! She came right over and sat next to me in her winter coat with the hood pulled up and her little cutsie pajama bottoms and slippers. I should have offered her a cocktail.

So, today is going to be spent sorting out MIL's condition, whether she can go home and function alone or not. And to top it off, she has a really bad attitude about hospitals and doctors. She is agitated, upset, irritated, and angry. It's not pleasant. I can hardly wait.

The weather has been more than perfect. Cold nights, fantastic fall days. I love it. In fact, I love weather....all kinds. So, that's a good thing.

Oh, by the way, do you all have your orders placed with Amazon for Going Rogue, Sarah Palin's latest and, perhaps, greatest? Hehehehe. Smooches.

One Year Ago Today -----

One year ago this morning....5:30am Pacific time....my father in law passed away. As we all here frequently about many things, I can't believe it's been a year. Seriously, it feel like it's been maybe six months or something....but a year? Nah, it just couldn't have been. And today, I'm in Chicago, and tomorrow I go to Anchorage -- I'm away from home and feeling like I really should be at home to stick close by my amazing man and his mom on this day. I remember writing about him a year ago. I must say, my dear husband and his mom have both been real troopers this year. They've picked themselves up, dusted themselves off, and carried on just the way he would have wanted. So, to my lover, I commend you -- for the choices you've made, the advances you've taken, and for the times you've not felt like doing the right thing but have anyway. I hate being away from him today. So, today, we remember.......and we learn, and we carry on -- hopefully better people than we were yesterday.

A week from today, Sean and Jeffrey will grace us with their presence in our villa. Small villa, but villa nonetheless. Sean has done a superb job of spelling things out for us all. Honestly, I haven't been this excited for a while about much -- I love enjoying brand new experience with people. It's friends like these that make the world a better place. We can hardly wait boys! And, by the way, if you're in Portland, you are more than welcome to join us at our condominium on Sunday, October 11, at 4pm for a get-together....bring a snack and share it with some of the world's greatest people.

I finished a 24-hour layover in Los Angeles yesterday and had the chance to meet two more amazing bloggers that I'd only known online until yesterday. Jim from Jim's Notes picked me up at my hotel and took me to Hermosa Beach where we sat up on the second floor over looking the Pacific Ocean on a beautiful sunny day. Jim and I snarked ourselves up and down the streets trying to find the main drag to take us where we wanted to go. We practiced the latest in cuss words, made fun of people, cruised handsome California beach boys (well, I did....he was wondering why my head kept snapping in every direction), and walked out to the end of the Hermosa Beach Pier and watched the fisherman. What a day. And then, I coerced Wil from WAT Central into coming ALL of the way in traffic at dinner time to my hotel after his long day at work. We enjoyed snacks and a yummy Amaretto Sour in the hotel's restaurant. We bantered about life, relationships, fake people and why they have such a hard time existing in relationships, his family history and his job. He's a honest guy and, like me, will always tell you the truth in a matter-of-fact sort of way. Many, many thanks to both of my newfound in-person friends for making time for me. I really appreciated our time together.

And to continue the "meeting new people whirlwind," I had the chance to meet, laugh and giggle with Derek of The Thoughts of a Princessa of Mexico. We live in the same city, we Facebook together daily, and yet we'd never met in person....but that's all changed now. Derek is fun-loving, happy, pleasant, and positive to be around -- he leaves you feeling good about life. Derek, you're a doll and the pleasure was all mine.

And now, for more exciting fashion news, my hair is longer than it's been for a very long time. I'm not quite sure why or how long it's going to get or exactly what the style is supposed to actually be or look like....but I've decided that I'd like to have it a little longer, a little shaggy sort of look maybe. So, we'll see. It's sort of like starting out on a cross-country road trip without a road map. But, hey, that's all a part of the goodness of life...right?

Two Weeks' Notice

In just under two weeks, we are going to play host to a couple of the world's greatest friends. And we couldn't be happier. These boys have hosted me/us several times and have gone out of their way to make our stays with them picture perfect. They've even washed the sheets on my visits. They have allowed us to invade their home, allowed us to be a part of New Year's 2009, lay naked in front of their fire, swim in their pool, drink Cosmos with them, ride in the car to/from Provincetown for Bear Week, picked us up and delivered us to the Albany airport at the most ungodly hours, and have always done it with a smile. We're more than happy to be able to reciprocate. In fact, I don't know if you'd call this irony or what, but they will arrive here on October 8....exactly, precisely, one year to the date since I arrived for the very first time on their doorstep and said hi to people that I'd only known on the internet up to that point....I think that's weird, quite frankly. Eerie. Meant to be? I think so.

Sean and Jeffrey have developed into the kind of friends that I expect to be around for a while. It's one of those internet relationships gone high on crack. Happy times, good times. And they've introduced us to a whole world of good people who have turned into some of our favorite people. And our week with them this past July at Bear Week in Provincetown was nothing short of a super cool freakishly fantastic time.

We've got such a long list of things for them to see here in Portland that we're not exactly sure where to start. It's also pretty cool because neither of them have ever been to the West Coast.....and it'll be the very first time ever for one of them on an airplane ride! We've got restaurants galore to eat at, gay bars to peruse, and the Columbia River National Scenic Area to check out. We're also going to host a party at our condo for a bunch of our friends so that we can introduce them to our measly little groupies. And, of course, Mason is nothing but on pins and needles with anticipation -- worried sick that he won't compare to the cuteness of Sean and Jeffrey's little Clyde E. Breen. I have a feeling it'll be love at first bite. Oh, and there's just one other little piece of excitement -- if you've followed Sean's blog or Jeffrey's blog for any length of time, you'll know that he/they/WE! spends an exorbitant amount of time at the nearest Target store.....you know, the one with big red balls in front of it.....well, there's great news......we've got a brand new giant Target super store with groceries and all opening very near us exactly on the weekend they are here! We'll definitely have to take in the festivities...and maybe even get a bag of popcorn or a slushy or something.

So, that's it. I could go on and on...and I'm sure we all will while we're jammed into the 850 square feet that we call home. Look out boys, you're in for the ride of your life!

The Madness That Is Mondays

First and foremost, here are the boys showin' off their panties -- shameful little things that they are. It is Monday, you know.....

Secondly, I'm off to Seattle this afternoon to rendezvous with my Hubby for our annual Recurrent Training. He's done a nice job of telling what we're required to do in his post. I'll be glad when it's over and the pressure is off. We've done this for many, many years so you'd think it gets easier. It does in some ways. In other ways, it's always a nerve-wracking to be yelling and shouting airplane evacuation drill commands.

We had the chance to meet Mark and His Hubby from Tales of The Sissy. What a nice couple....we really enjoyed their casual and relaxed company. They loved Portland -- so, who knows...we may have them as permanent residents at some point in the future.

Our summertime has not come to an end yet....we're going to be basking in the 90s again over the next few days -- it's such a lovely city and the blue sky always shows it off so nicely.

We've got out-of-town visitors coming in October for nearly a week -- that story will be forthcoming very soon! Suffice it to say, that we're excited for the visit and the opportunity to say Hi to these friends again. I know, I know....you're on pins and needles with anticipation......

Hope you all enjoy your week, wherever you are and whatever you're doing.

Just a Casual Acquaintance

I'm feelin' kinda funny inside (no, not the "one who can easily hide," either). I've been Defriended. Horrors! Now this isn't by someone that I don't know, or someone that I've had a disagreement with, or someone that I've never met.....nope, it's by someone that I've known for a number of years who simply decided that I am a "casual acquaintance" and that his Facebook page is for "friends and family." It's the funniest thing because I always considered us friends. We've bantered back and forth on FB for a long time. We know many, many mutual friends. We get along well, I think. We are both sort of smart asses. Now, I totally understand that each person in this big wide technology world has to make decisions about who they will email back and forth with, who they will be friends with on Facebook, and all of that. And I know that our needs and wants change over time. It's happened to me as well, I must confess. And I know full well that each of us has to give permission to one another to make our own personal decisions and that we must live with those decisions. Truly, the Defriending part isn't the entire point of my thoughts.....the irony is that it came on the heels of my post the very day before on What Draws Us Together and also reminds me of my writing early last year on What Do You Call Me? My intent here is much a much wider thought than the simple defriending.

My work schedule plays a pretty big part on what I get to do in life and what I don't. I typically get up at 4am and am in bed by 9pm.....in addition to being out of town much of my life. Those work hours don't play well with typical Monday-Friday sort of schedules and it has kept me from being able to participate in many activities throughout the years.

I am not the type of person that will chat you up every single day of my life. I won't call you on a daily basis nor feel obligated to email you, check in on you, or "make sure you're okay"...unless there's a need to. If you need honest help, I'm the first guy to be there to assist -- I will run to the grocery store for you, walk your dog for you, drive you to the doctor, cook a hot meal for you, and even do your laundry and, yes, clean your bathroom for you. I'm all of that, and more! But I'm not the pat-you-on-the-back sort of guy nor do I frequently exhibit the warm and fuzzy feelings that some require. I am the sort of guy that enjoys a beer or coffee with you, digs getting to look at gardens and trees and flowers and the sky, loves learning about new places and things, is more than happy to sit and stare at the earth and all that she offers. I have ended friendships over the other party "needing" for me to check in with them every day -- over others "requiring" me to spend my free time with them. I am the kind of guy who will not typically over analyze our relationship -- I will consider it good and fine and okay unless there's a good solid reason why it isn't. I won't lay awake nights wondering if you like me or that I do, or don't, like you. I'm the kind of guy who can go without seeing someone for six months, or even a year, and pick right back up where we left over -- without guilt, without wishing that we hadn't waited so long, without feeling badly. I love it for what it is, not what it is not.

So, I have been thinking about the long list of 123 friends that I have on Facebook not to mention the others on Twitter or who read my website or that I know in person or that I work with or that I meet via a mutual friend (can I actually use the word "friend"??...maybe its just an acquaintance.....) or that I say hi to in the coffee shop downstairs or or or or. And then I consider the many times while I've got Mason outside in public when I say to him, "Look, Mason, there's another nice lady....she's our friend"....trying to show him that she is not our enemy and that he is supposed to be nice to her. Maybe I should stop lying to him and tell him that "There's a lady we've never met -- don't trust her because we don't know who she is or what she is going to do to us." I counted them this morning......I have actually met 77 of my Facebook friends on at least one occasion. I certainly don't count all 123 as "friends and family"....most of you are, indeed, "casual acquaintances" that I enjoy and don't mind using the word "friend" at all. Some of you I see much more regularly than others. Others of you I have only met once -- and the reality of that is that may very well be the only time we will ever have the good chance to actually meet in person. I honor that time. I don't count it badly that it won't happen again. Others of you, hehehehe, may wish that you'd NEVER met me....... ahh, it's all good times, isn't it.....

I've discovered this whole Facebook and Twitter and texting world to be quite shallow. There is rarely depth amidst the posting and Twitting. It does not take the place of conversation, or phone calls, or one-on-one dinner or chatting. If we're looking for any sort of depth, it won't often be found online. So, I take it for what it is.....good, acceptable, enjoyable ..... the posts, the quick updates, the "here's what I'm having for dinner." It allows me to keep in some sort of contact with a huge number of adorable people that I would never have had the opportunity to meet otherwise. So whether I call you friend, family, casual acquaintance or something else....it is what it is and I appreciate it for that.

I guess what I'm wondering is now that I'm not this friend's friend on Facebook, what am I? Oh, that's right, it's a casual acquaintance. It's an interesting world we live in, folks. Laden with technology, I've been relinquished to a casual acquaintance in spite of knowing the guy for years. I'm going to have to think about that for a bit, I'm afraid.

What Draws Us Together

I had a chance to catch the article Is Happiness Catching from the New York Times Magazine over the weekend. It definitely prompts one's mind to think about who is in your close circle of friends and what effect they have on you and what affect you have on them.

The article leans toward the fact that positive people have a bit more influence on negative people than the other way around. It also points out that there is always a common denominator in any group -- something that has drawn them together -- and that it is difficult to sustain outside of that common denominator for any length of time. Say, for example, that there is a group of friends who have known one another for quite some time because they walk at the mall every single day of their lives. Within this group, it would be difficult to be a part of it and not enjoy walking and good health. Your time within that group would be limited. It goes on to say that smokers have a tough time hanging with non-smokers over the long term. And that overweight people typically don't tend to migrate toward a group of gym rats and folks to try to take care of themselves -- and that happy people don't hang with negative for very long.

It's interesting food for thought on what ties us to our friends. We certainly have differences but there has to have been some common ground to bring us together and then keep us together. Differences? Commonality? What is it that has brought you to reside within the group of people you spend the majority of your lives with? Are you the influence on them or are they the ones influencing you? Interesting.

Trip of a Lifetime -- Bring a Pretty Dress

Trips. Pairings. Lines. These words are etched in my mind. I have used them for the past 15 years. They are my life. They are what I do. They are what I live. You'll see what we call a trip pairing in this image (I think you can click on it to make it bigger...). This is one single solitary flight attendant or pilot trip. Each month we get hundreds of these trips printed (well, they used to be printed...nowadays they are only online) for us to peruse. They show up on the 5th of each month.....we all live and breath for the day that the pairings are released for the following month. I work out of a fairly small flight attendant base -- we only have just over 300 FAs here -- so our "bid packet" is relatively small. The bid packet contains all of our trips for the following month. For example, on September 5, we received our October bid packets. There are 30 pages of trips to choose from (trips like you see in the image above). Large FA bases would have hundreds of pages of trips to look through and choose from! FAs choose trips for a million different reasons -- every one seems to have a different set of criteria -- and those criteria change from month to month.....child care issues, spouse work schedules, special days needed off, don't want to work weekends, don't want to go to work early or late, want or don't want particular layover cities, like to work a particular type of aircraft, and the list goes on and on. We FAs are picky people as far as what we like and don't like in our trips.


So, I go through our trip choices and pick out the ones that I like. Those come at the top of our choice list. Then I pick out the second tier of acceptable trips and so on with the least desirable trips at the end. We use an electronic bidding system whereby we input all of our choice parameters and the system builds a "line" for us for the following month. For example, my October selections look like this:

1. Want maximum time (want to work the most I can in the month).
2. Want October 7-8th off (I start vacation on October 9th and want to extend it by two days).
3. Want Mondays off (hubby is out of town on Mondays and it's easier for doggy care).
4. Do NOT want these trip pairing numbers: 6007, 6008, 6307, etc. (icky poo poo trips).
5. Do want these trip numbers: 6028, 6037, 6041, etc...(these are trips I ideally want).
6. Do want these trip numbers: 3087, 6689, 2398, etc (these are my second choices).
7. Do want these trip numbers: 8774, 2883, etc. (these are my third choices).
8. Don't want to work all-night flights.
9. Don't want to work flights that overnight in Mexico (many people love them, I can't stand them).
10. Don't want to work flights that end after 10pm (ideally I like to be done in the afternoon).


It's a very flexible system that typically provides me with nearly whatever I ask. So, the bids are due into the system by 09:00 on the 10th of each month and then the lines are awarded by 09:00 on the 13th of the month -- we live and breath for the release of our schedules for the following month. And we do this every single month, over and over, year after year. It's a real time consumer but it's also a little fun for those of us analytic types.

In the trip I've shown above, you can see that it is:


* A 4-day trip that has overnights for two nights in San Francisco and one night in Tucson. It "shows" (start time) at 06:25am (one hour before departure) on the first day and ends at 20:44pm on the last day. Also note the "pay" column versus the "duty" column -- for instance,the first day's on-duty time is 9 hours 26 minutes but the pay for that day is only 6 hours 16 minutes. Our pay is complicated to say the least. But it's also worth pointing out that we are only paid when the doors on the aircraft are closed -- we are NOT paid for the one hour before departure nor sit time in between flights. We are also not paid for any of the time spent during boarding nor deplaning. Delays on the ground are not paid either. You are gone from home on this trip 86 hours and 34 minutes (the bottom right number on the pairing).

The pay for trips that go out away from my base and back to my base in the same day are fully taxable trips. Some of the pay for trips that leave my base and do not return to my home base until some other day in the future is not taxable so it pays tax wise to work overnight trips that stay away from home base.

My schedule for September has a variety of "turns" (out and back in the same day) to Denver, Los Angeles, and Orange County. It also has a few overnights in Austin, San Diego, Los Angeles, Seattle, Chicago, and Anchorage.

So, that's it in a nutshell. Complicated? Yes. Anybody want to apply? You'll need a pretty dress, scarf, hat, and gloves.

What If I Didn't Have That Thought?

So, what if I didn't have that thought? The thought that I didn't want to go to work. Or that I thought so and so was overweight. Or that person sure is an idiot. Or that woman sure is a horrible person. Or that I wish that parent would control their child. Or that coworkers, friends, and family wouldn't have bad attitudes. Or that certain people wouldn't use handicapped parking spaces when I don't think they should be using them. Or that negative attitudes really piss me off. Or that toxic relationships beat the hell out of me. Or that I wish certain parts of my life were different than they are. Or that I wish people would learn to enjoy the sunrise instead of be all hacked off that they have to get up to go to work. Or that the evangelicals would be the ones to end up in hell. Or that screaming children really send me over the top. Or that other people could be the ones to change instead of me. Yeah, so what if I didn't have that thought? What if it never entered my mind. What if it plain old never even happened?

For All of My Bear Buddies

Now you know where you can for a trim. I don't think the $8 includes the tip, though. And if any of you missed out on our Provincetown Bear Week 2009 pictures, check 'em out here. Grr.....Grrr.....