Say You, Say Me -- With a Twist

"Well, honey, thank you," he said to me.....on his knees in the forward First Class galley as I walked through the front L1 (left-hand side, door 1) door at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport a few days ago. He said it with that nearly instant familiarity of knowing another gay person when you meet them. I halfway expect a hand snap and wave of the hand along with the Honey part. He was right. You see, I always travel with goodies when I fly. One bag for the Customer Service Agent at the gate and another bag for the flight attendants when I enter the boarding door. As one who loves receiving, I enjoy the giving as well. It makes the world go 'round -- a quasi more pleasant place to exist. It's earned me seat changes, First Class upgrades, lots of free cocktails, bottles of wine, free food, and lots of conversation about the industry, the trip they are on, my life, their lives, etc. Friends to be had all around. On this particular day, the goodies had earned me a free First Class upgrade on a 3hr. 10min. flight from PDX-ORD. I feasted on a cheese omelet, potatoes and onions, ham, fresh fruit, a danish, coffee, and juice. And I enjoyed The Duchess as well. But, I'm seriously digressing here.


The flight attendant, Glen, did not suffer from an ounce of shyness nor any lack of ability to dive right into my life....with quick and dirty conversation, instant come-ons to me, and language that I'd use....but never at work with someone I'd only just met. His hands were on me instantly. The touchy, feely sort of guy. Now, I'm no prude, believe me. I was just surprised. He smiled. Sat next to me, and grabbed both of my hands to look at the rings on my fingers -- where did they come from, did I have a partner (a quick assumption on his part that I was actually gay!). He asked why I'd moved from one side of the airplane to the other side. I pointed out that it looked like there had been a dog on the other side and that there were dog hairs everywhere. He quickly exclaimed that it looked like someone had been shaved over there. And, by the way, "You could shave me." Umm. I uttered. I sort of glanced away, not really embarrassed (because I'm rarely caught red-faced)....but more just still sorting out this whole thing. He reached his hand out to my arm again and sort of brushed me....in a sexual titillating sort of way. "Oh, f**k you," he said. Quickly followed by, "No, f**k me!" And then the Customer Service Agent was at the front door with his final paperwork....ready to close the door and leave. He disappeared with a quirky smile. His pants too short and sort of unusual, strange sort of shoes on....nothing really fitting of the flight attendant profession. And the matted down, greasy hair.....um....not really. It was like a scene out of a movie.


He sat with me much of the flight. I was doing my best to listen to David Cook's new CD. He came back right after takeoff to see what I'd like to drink (remember, I'm back in the main cabin.....he's the First Class flight attendant). I ordered up a Diet Coke. "With Jack Daniel's or rum," he wondered? Nah, not today, I told him. He went on about it being a Friday afternoon and a perfect time to have a drink. And, by the way, "Are you staying in Albany tonight," he asked? Yeah, a couple of friends are picking me up. "Oh," was his response. So, I had the Diet Coke by itself. But a nice bottle of a California Chardonnay appeared before the end of the flight. All wrapped up in a cloth for taking home with me.


He was a very nice guy. And, again, I'm not unfamiliar with the lines of flirting among men. I love that stuff -- and can dish it out quite easily. But I just kept thinking how odd that he was so in my face and so straightforward and so flirtatious while at work, in uniform, in front of other people. I was flattered. But not attracted. I appreciated the conversation and the offers for additional services. And he left me still thinking about that "F**k you; no, f**k me," line. Reminds me of the old song.