* * * My Words, My World, My Way * * *

Please Write: ALewisPDX@gmail.com

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Adult Changing Station

Oh dear lord. I'm not sure what to make of this. I've been passing this sign in the Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport for years as I make my way back and forth to the gates. I've always glanced over at it, giggled a little, wondered a little what goes on behind closed doors. But last week, I swore to get a picture of it for this post. I've seen "Child Changing Stations" for years here and there. But this is the first and only "Adult" one. Now, believe me, I know that MANY adults need changing in one way or another. (And if you're into that sort of fetish, rock on!). And I'd like to believe that it's as simple as going inside of this little room and coming back out a changed man or woman -- much like Superman changes clothes. Maybe we could send the likes of George W. Bush, or Karl Rove, or even Dick you-know-who (I love to say his first name) into this little room. Do you think they'd come out changed people? One can dream, can't they? So, carry on with your lives, you adults. And, hey, if you need changing, I've got the perfect spot for you to do it. Terminal 2 at Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport.

UPDATE: Oops, some of you have obviously taken me a little too seriously and may have even thought that I was making fun of those who actually do use changing rooms for their intended purposes. Au Contraire! This boy is more than experienced with cleaning up adult bodily fluids and have spent more than my fair share of time in life taking great care of in-laws, fathers, mothers, grandmothers, and partner. I am no stranger to the needs of others and meeting those needs. This sign is odd because it uses the word "Adult." Most restrooms for this purpose are placarded with "Family" -- you'll see them everywhere. So, ease up, kids. You know I love you. And me? Make fun of others for the serious needs that they may have in their lives? If you think that, you don't know me very well, I'm afraid. I'll work on that.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

A Smile Is More Than What's On My Face

You know, I've been thinking a little. Since yesterday when a friend said to me, "You don't smile much....I liked the old Lewis that smiled and used to have fun." Why don't you just stab me in the back? Now, I'm not a guy that is given easily to what people say, or don't say, about me. I'm not quickly driven by the wind, opinions, or viewpoints. I'm the "Let me think about it, mull it over, weigh all of the sides" sort of guy. I don't mind admitting that I'm this or that -- although I used to be. But his point has me thinking. I don't think that I've ever been much of a smiling sort of happy-go-lucky dude. Giggles and frivolity don't do much for me. I think that I'm much more a serious thinking sort of fellow. Quite happy with a cup of coffee and a book. Alone, even. I don't need parties or clubs or loud music -- and games leave me horribly bored and unchallenged. They seem to sort of get in my way of a peaceful life. I am quite content to be happy, which I am; consistent, which I try to be; level-headed, which I have become more of. But I'm also aware that there are times for a little less seriousness. Times to cut loose and have a little fun. My fun times are not riddled with sticking my foot out to trip someone, or tossing leftover plastic bags at somebody, or giving someone a wet finger in the ear as I pass by (well, I'd do that for some). Junior high was a long time ago. My moments of pleasure are filled with close friends, dinners, coffee and desserts, movies, BBQs, movies, walking, reading, picnics, bookstores, and travel. I love a good musical concert. My sense of humor is probably more dry than a good old fashioned British gin. I love having a good time with people, ribbing them a little, causing them to think "Is this guy serious or not." I love that sense of confusion.....and love it even more when a smile comes across their face and they realize that I'm having a great time. So, I'm not sure whether I should take his point to heart and need to change something I'm doing or not. If I were trying to identify myself with someone who I think I'm like, I'd have to say Bea Arthur playing the part of Dorothy on The Golden Girls. Sassy, coy, witty, snappy and, yes, serious most of the time. But loving life? That I think she and I both are.

And in reading my blogs today, I ran across this from my friend over at Being Normal. How appropriate after my above thoughts.

Monday, May 26, 2008


Well, well.....what have we here? Look at what I spotted on the back of a car in the parking lot. I had to actually put my car in reverse, back up, get out, and take a picture -- I just knew you, my inquisitive readers, would want to ponder this. What is it? I've just done a Google search but didn't see it anywhere. I'm not sure if I should feel jittery with happiness or tremble a little with fear. But, I have to say, I sort of got goosebumps when I saw it....and not in a good way.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Phriends in Phoenix

In spite of staring blatantly, unabashedly, at Arizona State University guys all evening at the Mexican food restaurant, we did actually make it down the road a bit for a night cap....an evening sweet at the "I've been here forever" (just like Barry Manilow) Sugar Bowl in Scottsdale. Voenix Rising is a fantastic guy. We had a nice time of fellowship, food, and a little fun staring at designer jeans, fuzzy college boy legs, tattoos, and biceps that just could hardly stay inside of the tight t-shirts any longer. Thanks, Voenix, for taking the time to come out and have a blast. I appreciated being able to meet another blogger in person and enjoy the friendship of another human being on this nutty planet of ours. Here's his whole twist on the festivities.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Signs of the Times

From the men's room at the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. Looks like somebody skipped out on grade school spelling one time too many. Probably too busy looking at the sixth grade boys out on the playground in their PE shorts.

And from Portland, this fantastic snippet of rainbow purportions:

We're Going to Have a Gay Mayor next year! Great job, Sam Adams!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Big Boy Says It All

So, we're in the middle of packing, throwing away, reworking, revamping, downsizing, blah blah blah. We had this HUGE, GIANT computer desk and hutch to get rid of. It's in three unwieldy pieces, heavy, awkward.....and in the basement. Not so pretty with two gay boys who hate to break a sweat dragging that mother up from the depths. So, I run an ad on Craigslist at 8:30am.... saying that it's "free" and to be picked up after 10am. At 9:45 we're hauling piece by piece out to the curb and, low and behold, here sits a truck already waiting...... with daddy and two boys inside. And guess what one boy was wearing and looked like:

Pic is a little hard to read...but it says "Anorexia Survivor" on it. Oh my.

Friday, May 16, 2008

When the Roll Is Called Upon Yonder

Why is this so necessary? I mean, hello!, there are other people with back ends that need wiping in this world .... well, in this household, for that matter. No, seriously, it's fine ...... I'll change it for you.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Anybody Want to Buy a House ??

You won't believe the beauty of this fabulous CORNER LOT in the quiet, friendly Roseway neighborhood. Two OVERSIZED BEDROOMS plus a GIANT MASTER bedroom include closet space that you just can't find anymore. It also includes a full dry painted and usable basement, perfect for storage, craft work, or an office area, along with your INCLUDED front-load washer and dryer. 2247 square feet including the big basement. Vintage hardwood floors, updated designer kitchen and bath, and a private quiet backyard that you'll never want to leave. CENTRAL AIR CONDITIONING and a warm GAS FIREPLACE round out a light-friendly home, tons of low-E, argon-filled VINYL WINDOWS. Plus new INSULATION in the attic and floors. All STAINLESS ENERGY STAR KITCHEN APPLIANCES STAY with the home. Easy access to four Tri-Met lines (71, 12, 72, 33) as well as all major NE Portland streets. The warm, inviting DESIGNER COLORS throughout are made complete with included 2" plantation blinds. You'll find built-ins, a refinished bathtub, and new lighting fixtures throughout. All porches and sidewalks have NEW CONCRETE. You'll find paved patio areas in both the front and back of your new home perfect for meeting your friends, family, and neighbors. This showplace comes with a clean detached garage with opener, professionally designed and landscaped yard with stone retaining wall -- it's all in vibrant bloom right now for you to see. It sits on a corner lot that you just won't want to miss. It's spotless, all up to date, and squeaky clean for your move in. You'll be proud to call this charming 1928 English style home yours. Stop by today, please, and pick up a flyer. You'll be glad you did.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Why I Hate Yard Sales 101

During a recent reprieve from my better senses, a yard sale was to be had in my front yard. So, THIS PAIR OF SUNGLASSES: PLUS THIS PAIR OF BOXER BRIEFS:

Rode off into the sunset on his bicycle. I'm still trying to figure out why I'd go to anyone's yard sale and buy a bright blue pair of sunglasses and their boxer briefs and ride away on my bicycle. I've got horrible thoughts in my head. Is there any reason I hate yard sales?

Thursday, May 08, 2008

My Head Is Spinning

neutering, taxes, escrow, HOAs, neighborhood, hospital, kidney stone, bad attitude, anger, candles burning, lockbox, flyers, For Sale signs, interest rates, preapproval, doggy doo doo, lawn mowed, garage sale, basement cleaning, change for yard sale, Craigslist to list house and garage sale, finding New Mexico quarter, lighting in house "just so," Los Angeles, San Diego, Seattle, removing shoes to walk through homes for sale, rejected offer, family fights, fantastic new townhomes, Mother's Day card in the mail, property taxes, still looking for Utah quarter, using plenty of Febreze for that fresh scent, half baths versus full baths, closet space, storage, cleaning out closets, putting junk on the side yard with "Free" sign on it, wondering why I want a higher mortgage payment, new rug for the bathroom, hoping that Mason is okay during his surgery today, eating at Taco Time........shall I go on?

Sunday, May 04, 2008

One Bible Verse Over the Cuckoo's Nest

It is the Lord's Day, after all. So, I deemed it only appropriate that I bring you One Bible Verse Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Having grown up in church, and having my back end etched for eternity in the pew, I often wonder if I caused other's grief....say, when I was out in public with my youth group, wearing t-shirts that exhibited the "Glory of Jesus" or some other fancy verbiage that someone decided should be promoted. I ran into a group of red-t-shirted boys and girls today with something about "Missionary" and "Bible" and "Faith" and "Mission Trip" and "Mexico" on the upper left-hand corner of their shirts. They were the usual rowdy and obnoxious that you'd expect from teenagers .... except that they had these special shirts that promoted their clear commitment to saving the world. They yelled, threw things, tossed garbage around, stood in the way of others without regard, had their Bibles out for obligatory reading sessions, and offered few "please" or "thank yous." Have times really changed that much? And the leader of the group? She was a middle-aged woman toting the same t-shirt with a freshly-bleached dew on her head, pulled back into a nice pony tail. She pranced all over the place, over and over, with two of the most giant bags of candy you've ever seen. In every one's way, her giant bag on the floor where no one could pass by, and down on her knees with panties, toiletries, jeans, and bras doing their best to escape the confines of her suitcase. Shall we say it wasn't pretty? I think that maybe they had all memorized one too many Bible verses, and not really the right ones, quite frankly. Checked out and a general oblivion to others gave me the distinct confirmation that I hope none of these kids is ever President. I hope that the mission field is ready for them. Because I was clearly ready to see them go on their way.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Family Pain and Disfunction

A bit of family trouble and medical issues this week. To all of you who are laying awake nights wondering, and have increased your use of medications to calm the fears, I'm a bit deterred at the moment but promise my soon return.