Tallinn, Estonia -- Reflections on the Old and New

The summer of 1986 found me in Tallinn, Estonia, which was part of the U.S.S.R. at that particular time.  I wrote about my encounters with the KGB and smuggling Bibles and other items into the former Iron Curtain city several years ago and being followed by the local police.   You know, just normal everyday things!  I'd go back and read this former article if you haven't already.  It has so much to do with this current, particular post.

A few days back, I opened the New York Times travel article to discover that it was calling Tallinn "A European capital of culture....a sense of optimism in the air.....it's citizens are among the continent's most cheerful people."  Holy smokes.  That's just something else.  Who would have ever thought.  The article continues on to describe a scant 36 hour whirlwind tour through Tallinn.  Eating, touring, visiting, browsing, fashion and, of course, the past.  The dark past riddled with watch towers, KGB, underground activities and such.  Those are the days I remember.  These new days that the New York Times is describing I'm not familiar with.

I decided to check out the hotel that we stayed in while we were there.  (Again, read the above article first...)  It was the only hotel where tourists could stay at the time.  Operated by Intourist, the government agency who oversaw every single person coming into the USSR for tourism purposes.  We were only permitted to be in certain places, at certain times, with our assigned tour guide.  What I didn't know until today, was that the Viru Hotel actually housed the areas KGB listening post.  They used a secured area on the 23rd floor of this hotel for their purposes.  I can't remember which floor my room was on.  But I remember the warnings about telephones being bugged, two-way mirrors, housekeeping staff who weren't really "housekeeping staff."  Check out this article.  I was so happy to find it.  I also discovered that one of the churches we sang in housed a KGB listening tower in its spire.  Fascinating! 

I'd love to make a trip back there someday.  To reflect and remember.  And to enjoy the newfound fortune of fashion and food as well.   Oh, and I could even go and stay at the newly refurbished Hotel Viru.  I'm assuming that they have removed the listening devices from the lamps and vases.

My Ignorance Is Just As Great As Your Knowledge

"The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant threat winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that my ignorance is just as great as your knowledge."  -- Isaac Asimov

Do you realize that there are people who will read the above quote and not even get it?  Not even be able to comprehend it or understand what it means?  And then I read that "In Mississippi, 52% of GOP respondents say Obama is Muslim...12% believe he is a Christian and 36% are unsure.  In Alabama, 45% of Republicans say Obama is Muslim....14% believe he is a Christian and 41% are unsure."  Dare I say that Alabama is smarter than Mississippi?  And what about all of the others -- Louisiana, Idaho, Tennessee, Georgia, Utah....shall I go on?  


We live in a nation who no longer forms opinions based on fact, the truth.  We no longer think.  We feel.  We believe our ignorance, our sources!, are more important than actual knowledge.  And that will be our demise.

The Big 5-0

Good lord.  50 years old.  Today at 6:20pm (Mountain time since I was born in Boise, Idaho).  I can't believe it.  But like my mother told me recently, "If you can't believe it, think about me and what it feels like to have a son who is 50!"  She's right.

The good.  And the bad.  The ups and the downs.  Happy and sad times.  Like everyone else.  I have more aches and pains than I used to.  Tummy upset from coffee or creamer or something....more than I used to.  I don't sleep as well.  I get irritated with stupidity and slow drivers.  I used to go to yoga but haven't for a while.  But I want to.  Does that count?  I'm out.  And happy.  And those certainly count for something.  I've learned that some of my ideals early in life were pretty shallow.  And I've allowed myself to age pretty gracefully, I guess.  There has been a family filled with cancers, Lou Gehrig's disease, alcoholism and drug abuse, suicide, fights and the like.  But we're still a pretty tight knit group.  I've hated a few times and I've loved a lot.  There are friends.  Facebook, virtual, and real ones in life.  I love nearly all of them.  I'm pretty simple.  Things that turn me on are the sky, trees, leaves, green grass, rivers and oceans.  Things that mean next to nothing to me are sports, big star entertainment, staying out late, partying, and being loud.  I'm far more irritated than I used to be and will be glad to tell you exactly the things I will put up with and those that I won't.  I can see those things hidden somewhere ahead of me in life that I know I need to connect with but struggle to put into practice.  My connection to technology, the internet, and the iPhone has grown.  My connection to earth, sky and trees has waned.  I don't like it.   I know it.  I've discovered what I like and what I don't like.  I'm pleased with that. Mostly. 

And I've got a partner of nearly 15 years who loves me, cares for me, and has allowed us to create a beautiful, successful life together.  He's far more than I could have ever asked for.  And there's a dog.  A mutt.  A pooch.  Mason.  He's a cutie boy.  To these two things, I say thank you.  For being there for me.  For believing in me.  Today, at 50.  And tomorrow, at 80.

Happy Birthday to me.

The Festivities Are About to Begin .........

The festivities are beginning.  I've finished an early morning SJC turn and I'm now on vacation.  Tonight kicks off an entire weekend of The Big 5-0 Birthday activities.  The cards have already begun to roll in.  And the chocolate too.  The carpets are cleaned (and they match the drapes) for the finale Pizza and Piano Party on Sunday evening.  Here's the lineup:

Thursday PM -- Happy Hour at Local Lounge a local gay-owned place that we love hanging at.

Friday AM -- Coffee hour at Three Friends Coffee House in S.E. Portland.

Friday PM -- Dinner at the Daily Grill and then "The Iron Lady" which I've been wanting to see. 

Saturday PM -- The Big Bash -- Hosted by my good friend Alan at his beautiful home.  He insisted on hosting.  I'm blessed.

Sunday AM -- Brunch!  At Hob Nob Grille....owned by a fellow flight attendant and her husband. 

Sunday PM -- Pizza and Piano Finale at our condo.  I've put together a long song list, handed it to my LoverBoy, and demanding that he play his new grand piano for me.  The whole evening. 

And that's it.  That's precisely how my 50th birthday weekend will play out.  I mean, for one on his way to middle age (ahem...) it should be a grand celebration.  Right? 

Heart Day

Today is Valentine's Day.  One of the holidays that I enjoy more than others.  I like this time of year.  The beginnings of slight pink flowers appear on trees.  And the crocus are already up.  And don't get me started on the lamenting of "Oh, poor me, I'm single and don't like this day blah blah blah."  I don't buy into it.  Your life is what you make of it.  Period.  In case you hadn't noticed, I'm irritated today.  It's increasingly more frequent. I find myself less connected to Mother Earth today than I was even, say, ten years ago.  I find that nasty people, irresponsible causes, and stupidity find themselves in my mind more than they should.  And that I don't put up with them as much as I should. 

Valentine's Day.  Today is the day that I was due.  Well, more accurately, today is the day that my mother was due with me.  But clearly, I needed five more days of sweetening up.  And perhaps could have used even more.  I feel less enchanted with my life today than I have for a while.  I feel a nearly overwhelming need to recenter, rebalance.  And to stick close to home.  I'm almost in a frenzy to create peace in the dark spots of my heart and mind.  It's unsettling. 

Today hubby comes home from yet another workweek in Seattle.  I've made Valentine's Day dinner reservations at a neighborhood place that we have never been to.  It comes with rave reviews.  Tomorrow our carpets are being cleaned.  Did you know that the "Chem Dry" carpet cleaning systems are actually not chemical-based at all?  Me either.  They operate without chemicals with a carbonation system -- sort of like putting club soda on a stain to get it out.  Same principle.  We're trying to get the place in shape for the big birthday weekend coming up.  And to celebrate the President's as well.... it is their holiday too. 

I remember spending Valentine's Day 2004 in Amsterdam with LoverBoy and my parents.  We stayed at a five star hotel right in the center of Amsterdam....Dam Square.  It was more than lovely.  And I remember Valentine's Day 1994 when I received a phone call at work from my mother.  My father had been taken to the hospital.  He died 35 days later. 

We have a new printer....an Epson Workforce 645.....a real gem. I love it.  Fits nicely where it needs to in our tiny condo.  Works well.  Wireless.  And with E-Print (or Air Print??) meaning that I can email any document I want to -- from anywhere in the world -- and it will print on my home printer.  And only $99.  Our taxes were done last Friday....cha' ching.  Combine the tax refund with our employer's profit sharing dollars, and we should be sitting pretty on the last day of February or so.  That is, until we spend it.  But it'll feel good for a day or two. 

Sorry kids I'm all over the map today.  My lower back is aching worse than it has in a year or more.  So much so that I can't even get my socks on without a ton of pain.  Moving quite slowly and carefully.  but today is better than yesterday so that's good.  Wishing you all a happy heart day. 

The Letter

So, here's the deal.....I've spent a good portion of my last year helping design a project for my employer.  Flight Path Debrief for Flight Attendants.  I've mentioned it more than once here.  Honest to god, hundreds of hours.  All last summer spent in an office in Seattle.  Several hundred ideas, suggestions, "spaghetti on the wall" as we've called it -- tossing out ideas and thoughts and what may or may not work.  It's mandatory training.  The morning portion is all-employee -- 150 employees from all work groups.  The afternoon sessions are broken out into one's own division....mine being Flight Attendants.  And it's the afternoon Flight Attendant piece that I've helped design and am now an occasional facilitator.

It's playing out very, very well.  There have been a lot of laughs and plenty of tears as we FAs learn things about other areas of our company.  Things we don't typically know or are a part of.  There are some parts that are introspective....from both a professional and personal level.  Examination.  Looking inside.  I like it when people are functioning at their best as human beings.  And that's where this program is designed to take us.  It's part historical.  Part motivational.  And there is this little section that we've called "The Letter."  It's no longer being used.  But we tested it with a wide variety of test groups for many months.  We modified it, changed it, softened it, soothed it.  We changed our facilitator notes and what direction it was that we wanted FAs to "go" in their minds and hearts.  Honestly, it was a great piece.  A prodding piece.  A poking piece.  Made to make us think, consider.  And I like that kind of thing -- that keeps me well rounded, thinking, using my head, and propels me forward.  But clearly not all FAs like that sort of thing.  I've already made it clear that we are an unusual group.  Set in our ways, don't like change, demand flexibility, picky, get irritated by things like "I'll have a black coffee."  Only to be met three rows later with a wave of the hand and a "I'll need a cream and four sugars."  Those things continue to confound the wise.  We exist in a world of shallow talk and chit chat with passengers.  Nothing overly indepth.  Surface.

So when a piece like "The Letter" is presented, we're taken aback.  Shocked.  Surprised.  Which is exactly what the piece was designed to do.  But it was intended to lead us in a positive direction.  Not a negative direction.  The section played out quite powerfully in a positive way to most.  "Life changing, powerful, really made me consider, etc" are a few of the comments.  But then there is this group of folks who are stuck.  In the past.  With what has happened to them over the years.  The victims.  With having been down this "company kool aid" trail before.  They don't like management.  They don't like people with good attitudes.  They don't like coworkers who are friendly or go out of their way to help others.  They live with an "Us" and "Them" mentality.  And for those folks, the letter incited rage.  Upset.  Anger.  Two wild extremes depending upon the type of person The Letter was presented to.

The Letter was a fake letter which explained that our company had been purchased by an investor.  Assets were to be liquidated.  Employees could reapply if they cared to.  No one's jobs were preserved.  It said nothing about "You're fired" or "You're a bad employee."  But, you see, that's how we FAs work.  We think we know better.  We exist in a land of rumors and half-truths.  We are not well connected to an accurate line of information.  The funny thing is that about 95% of the negative comments came from those who had not even attended the program yet.  Rumors.  What they thought they knew.  What they had heard from others.  That's what they based their reactions on. And that I do not respect nor place any value on. 

Really?  Seriously?  You haven't even experienced it yet and you're already red faced and irritated?  Is that really the type of human being you are?  Umm humm.  It is.  The Letter was designed to encourage a "What Would You Do" sort of dialog.  What would you do tomorrow if this happened to you today?  Who would you tell first?  Do you have a plan?  Are you prepared?  It was to encourage ideas and thoughts from others.  To help us get ourselves in line if we are ever purchased, or merged, or or or.

So, I made a Facebook entry the other night saying that I was facilitating Flight Path the following day and how excited I was to do so.  My first and only comment was from a coworker who has never once made a comment on my FB page.  But with regard to this, she did.  I didn't like the comment, felt it rude and inappropriate for someone else to be making on MY page with MY excitement about the following day.   Most of us would never do that.  But that's the way she works.  I removed it and messaged her to tell her why I had done it.  Here is the dialog:

ME:   Hi there. I removed your comment about the "Stupid Firing Letter." I felt it personally offensive. I helped develop the Flight Path program. I'm 100% invested in it. And it's tough to hear those sorts of half-cocked, uninformed comments from those who haven't even been to the program yet. I'm more than happy to chat anytime about the letter or anything else in the program. The letter had nothing to do with being fired. That's what rumors do for our lives. They create an unbalance, unfair, air of negativity that is not based on truth. Let me know if you have any questions.

HER: You weren't here in 85 when I received an unfair, negative letter to come back to work or I WAS fired.Unchanged in my opinion and what seems to be the same of an overwhelming majority of people that have gone to your mandatory program,Also a letter from our CEO (Bruce Kennedy)that we were all a bunch of ingrates and we were lucky to have a job instead of a Christmas card or bonus.You say I'm uninformed but maybe it was ____ and your team that were uninformed about how touchy this letter would be.I've run this idea by family friends that run corporations and they were appalled at this idea of trying making an employee feel grateful for their job by "picturing their life without this job. "So I feel your attack is personally offensive, as well-Respectively yours-

"Respectively yours"?  Really?  So, I went to bed.  I tossed and turned.  Upset.  By her blue-collar bully ignorance.  The uninformed who think they know it all.  Those who actually know 10% but speak like they know 110%.  And she continued to message me because I was in bed and failed to respond to her as quickly as she thought I should have: 

HER:  Nothing?Would you like me to form it in a question? It's obvious that you have gotten alot of heat for this but do you honestly feel that none of the negative feedback is valid?

The Letter section has been changed.  Redeveloped.  And it is working just fine.  Good dialog.  Good discussion.  But definitely lacks the punch and power of The Letter.  It was just way too far to ask some folks to travel in their heads.  They just couldn't do it.  Most of us could, a vocal minority could not.

So that's how my week's gone.  How about yours?

Frantic Freezing February Follies

I will be half-a-century old in just over a week's time.  The Big 5-0.  I'm looking forward to a long weekend filled with happy hour, morning coffee, dinner and a movie (I'm hoping for The Iron Lady), the BIG official party hosted by a friend at his home, Sunday morning brunch, and concluding with Pizza and Piano at our condo on the evening of my birthday.  Starts Thursday evening and ends Sunday night.  One of my most favorite parts of my birthday month of February is that it typically brings about the very first smatterings of blossoms on Portland's flowering cherry trees.  Two days ago, I spotted the first pink!

I've been thinking a lot about those poor little children who had their necks and heads chopped by their father before he burned them to death in a house explosion.  I can't imagine their terror or what must have been going through their minds.  I'm also hoping that it all happened very, very fast.  And I'm wondering what is going to become of our humanity in the years ahead.


I have been considering that flight attendants are some of the weirdest people on the face of the earth.  Me included.  You'll recall that I've written about flight attendants before.  We're emotionally driven and supposed to be hired for our customer care abilities.  But when you hire any group of people and want them all to have similar characteristics, you also bring along all of their strangeties (that's a word, don't question it....) and a myriad of weird nuances.  No, really, seriously.  Many are normal.  Centered.  Happy and balanced.  And the others are crazies, freaks, driven by their "Victim" status, unbalanced, and their (our?) minds just don't seem to quite work in the prettiest of fashions.  Yes, I'm well aware, these are my peeps.  My profession.  My friends, even.  But it doesn't change the facts.  We're a weird group.


I want a new home printer.  One that doesn't require wires.  And one that doesn't jam paper.  I've been doing my research.  I'm headed toward HP.  Maybe the HP7510 or the HP8600.  I think that the 8600 is larger than I need for home...but it's on sale.  The HP versions also offer E-Print...you can print from your iPhone.  The printer has it's own built-in email address so you can send any document you want directly to the printer from anywhere in the world.  Today may be the day.......

And I want a new home printer to go along with my new birthday present from LoverBoy....he bought me a new Sony 580 wireless blu ray player last weekend!  I've been wanting one for quite a while now.  This thing whistles along beautifully.   And I love that most of the content is free.  I'm calling Comcast cable today and reducing our cable service to local/minimal channels.  We'll save about $80 every single month. 


And the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals will rule on California's Proposition 8 this morning at 10am Pacific time.  I don't have much more to say.  It's crazy.  It's the year 2012.  And we have hateful people in this world.  Nuf said.

John Boehner's Crybaby Alien Lives In Me

You knew that I was related to John Boehner, right?  I think we are cousins.  Distant, far removed cousins perhaps.  But all kidding aside, I swear to god that we must have the same genes or DNA tucked away deep inside somewhere.  He has taken heat for the way in which our common thread of DNA manifests itself in his life.  So have I.  You see, we are both crybabies.  I don't know about him but I'd venture to guess that I get tears in my eyes on almost a daily basis.  Maybe every other day or two if I remain 100% out of human contact, don't watch any TV or TV commercials, and stay off of the Internet.  Oh, one more thing....if I avoid conversation with my mother.  She always makes me cry when she closes nearly every phone conversation with, "Arnie, you know I love you....I really do.  I'm so proud of you...."  Lordy.  I'm a mess.

I see an animal rescue site with sappy music playing and I lose it.  Although, admittedly, Sarah McLachlan doesn't have quite the hold on me that she once did thanks to seeing those commercials for so many years.  So there.  See, I'm a big boy.  I see stories of soldiers returning home from war and sneaking into their children's school classrooms to surprise them and my throat closes up.  Or a homeless woman on a street corner who is will into her 70s or even 80s -- and she shares the same name as my very own mother.  My heart goes out.  Or perhaps I get into a conversation about any one of life's many difficulties with someone -- how they, or I, want to be a better human being than I am today.  Umm, yeah, don't expect me not to cry at that either.  Or I see an adult who you would suppose would have their act together by this point in their life -- but they don't.  Alcohol or drugs still have a stronghold on their ability to be a good parent, son, daughter, etc.  I think of my own experiences and how these sorts of situations strike awfully close to home.  Or I watch the resignation of Congresswoman Gabby Giffords as she hobbles with every bit of might she has up to John Boehner to submit her written letter of resignation.  John cries.  I sob.

Man oh man, John Boehner's sobbing crybaby spirit lives within me.  Sort of like an alien.  Who cries.  An alien who cries.  Yeah, that's it.

Flight Attendant Boot Camp

A rare look inside my world.  This is the room, the aircraft mockups, the trainers that taught me what I know today.  And it is also the room that I now have the occasional opportunity to actually stand in front of the room and teach others how to be a flight attendant.  I hope you enjoy as much as I did.  This is where I spend my time, my energy, and efforts.  People I love and now call my family and friends. 

Flight Attendant Boot Camp Part I

Flight Attendant Boot Camp Part II

Back in the Saddle

Oh, listen to me....saying "back in the saddle."  Like I've ever been in one.  Well, now wait...that's not entirely true.  Once.  North of Kona...in Hawaii.  At the Kahua Ranch.  My one and only venture on a horse.  Old Sampson.  He had gas and they put me at the back of the line.  But today, I'm back in the saddle in the virtual sort of 2012 way.

We enjoyed a fantastic week-long New Year's Adventure including two evenings of The Middle reruns and another of Absolutely Fabulous reruns.  There were two entire days where we didn't dress or put on shoes.  Passed around the champagne bottle at midnight.  And wrapped up tight on the two days that we ventured outside to both Hudson and Saratoga Springs, New York.  Such great towns.  You know, everything on the East Coast is so much older than it is out here in the West.  It seems more historic.  More blue collar.  More rough, tough, used and worn.  And we enjoyed one evening with as many of our Albany, New York-area friends as we could gather.  And Enterprise Car Rental gave us a 2012 Mazda CX9 with 300 miles on it.  Rode like a beauty on the Mass Pike.  We had a fantastic week.  And now we're home.  Picking up the pooch from his boarding place this morning.  (BTW, can you even believe that there are those that believe I talk about Mason incessantly?  I've been accused of being consumed by him and, apparently, talk about him nonstop.  Psht....).  Oh, and one more thing before I go.....I watched two movies during our six-hour flight from Boston-Portland last night....Dolphin Tale and All the President's Men.  I only cried a few times (in the dolphin movie, not the president movie). 

We've got a 12th Night gathering tomorrow night, I have my very first Cardiologist appointment next week to hopefully put my adventurous mind to rest about issues that I don't even think are really there (nothing to worry about as far as I know).  I'm also back into my facilitation schedule for our company's Flight Path Debrief for Flight Attendants session and will be facilitating in all of our bases over the next year.  We are in high-level talks about our travel schedule for this year...planning vacations, crossing destinations off our list, adding others, fantasizing about others.  And, yes, my 50th half-century birthday is in six weeks.  So, we're in preparation for all of that birthday President's Day weekend (you did know that I celebrate with the President's each year, didn't you?).

I always love this time of year.  Fresh starts turn me on.  New things make me feel good.  And my mind mulling over things that need to go...and things that need to start.....

Tis The Season For Sharing

My father in law used to tell this story around this time of year....Christmas. In fact, he told it over and over....like plenty of older folks do, they repeat things and stories. And he would always get big tears in his eyes and a catch in his throat when he told it. Last night in Austin, I was around the dinner table with three of my fellow crew members and somehow we got to talking about stories of goodwill, Christmas, helping others, and all of that. So, I shared this story.....and even I had to stop about halfway through because I'm a big old crybaby. The story is a keeper, to say the least. It took place around the mid 1930s.....when my father in law was around ten or so. Ohio, winter time, snow everywhere, cold....in the middle of the depression. Times were super tough for everyone. They still are. Take the time to share, to relate, to give attention to others. Share stories. Share your life, your happy times, your lessons.

Dinner was nearly ready when the coal truck pulled into the driveway with a delivery for heating the house. Dinner was soup on this particular night. While the delivery man was shoveling the coal into the coal chute at the side of the house, my father in law who was only around ten years old noticed a little boy sitting in the front seat of the delivery truck. Waiting. He looked cold. So, my FIL asked his mother if they could invite the little boy and the man into the house for a cup of soup. His mother said "Of Course," and added another cup of water to the soup to make it stretch. The man and his son came into the house and had soup with the family. A cold night, a warm kitchen, a family with the coal delivery man and his small son.

Fast forward to the following spring. A knock at the front door. "Do you remember me?," the man asked when my FIL's mother answered the door. "I was the coal delivery man who was here last winter...you invited me and my young son into your house to have soup with you. I've taken a new job now. I'm painting houses and I'd like to paint your house for free." My FIL's mother didn't understand but the man continued. "You see," he said "On the very day that I delivered your coal and you invited us in, I was at the end of my rope. We were broke and I could not provide for my family any longer. And I thought it was best if I ended my life. I was on my way to take my life on the very day that you invited me in. But I didn't.....because of you and your hospitality."

Tis the season for sharing and giving. Not receiving. Not wanting. Not being greedy. Not even football or food or shopping. But for giving. To others. For absolutely nothing in return. Make sure that those around you feel welcome and that their needs are met. For it is in giving that we receive.

Bored in Seattle

It is becoming clear to me, again, that my mind thinks in ways that other's minds do not.  I was always bored in school.  Boring.  No interest.  Could have been a straight-A student...but was more than satisfied with Bs, Cs, and even some Ds.  It meant nothing to me.  I was not challenged.

I have spent the last three months working in Seattle for several days a week.  Putting together a 4-hour flight attendant training project for my employer.  I've enjoyed it.  But it is painfully clear to me that I expect more of myself, and others, than they expect of themselves.  I want more.  I think in ways that others do not.  I am not satisfied with status quo.  I do not want another corporate training project or things that can be achieved elsewhere.  I have finished developing a piece for the program called "Becoming the CEO of Your Life."  Many, many hours of work.  And a very nice product.  Challenging.  Expecting introspection and personal work on the insides.  Expecting more.  Wanting more. Wanting participants to dig deep.

But I've been slapped on the hands.  Nope....too personal.  Can't do that.  We had something else in mind.  "Let's bring it back to boring" is what I've surmised from the comments.  So, for one more time in my life, I've been disenchanted with knowing that people simply are happy with status quo.  With medium.  With being good....not great or exceptional.  With being afraid of asking more of people or pushing buttons that may very well be uncomfortable.  So I'm back to middle ground.  Boring ground.  Nonchallenging ground.  Again, just like in school, I'm bored.

For What Will I Use My Voice ??

"Remember that the first step is not to speak ill of others. All human beings have weaknesses and faults. They have their imperfections. Therefore, before trying to find faults in others and speaking ill of them, try to find your own weaknesses and correct those." 

I will never understand why we don't wish others well. I don't understand the lack of understanding. Is there ever a need for being unkind? Can't my voice be used for some other purpose?

As much as I may disagree with someone, as much as I may not agree with their point of view or decisions they make, is there ever a need to not wish someone well as they move on in their life?  When someone departs one difficult spot in life for another more appropriate location, is there ever a reason to not want the best for them?  Don't we want everyone to be happy and successful and peaceful in the quiet spots of their life?  I just don't see the long-term success of slinging mud at someone. 

Perhaps I'm wrong. 

A Story of Transformation

The story of transformation is powerful.  Progressing from our past into our future.  From what we used to be into what we are now....or what we can become tomorrow.  Leaving behind old things, things that are worn out and no longer need to be a part of our lives......and moving ahead into the new. 

Being open, honest, and making one’s self available to change is a moment in our lives that won’t soon be forgotten.  The very blip of time in which we signal to ourselves that it’s okay to be different....better....than yesterday.  The moment in our lives that we realize how our former attitudes sucked the life out of us and that the old way of doing business was leading us down a road that led to nowhere. 

Yes, there is something quite powerful about that split-second of time in each one of our lives when it all comes together in our heads.....and when our heads align with our hearts.  It is then....only then....that we can move forward.  Until then, we are bogged down....backwards.....even fighting a dark sort of internal battle.  And after that, we begin to feel better.  Happier.  Like a weight has been lifted.  We’ve all been there.  And we’ll probably be there again.  But looking for....actually even expecting.....those moments creates an atmosphere of possibility.  That there may actually be hope for us.  For tomorrow.  That there is at least the most remote chance that we don’t have to continue to react the same way we always have.  That we don’t have to be the same person that we’ve become quite comfortable being. 

The story of change seems to give us permission to say NO to the old and YES to the new.  It’s so easy to get complacent....and used to....having the same reactions to past troubles rather than to have fresh new responses to each day.  No, I haven’t arrived.  Nor do I honestly expect to.  But the road looks differently than it used to.  It feels better.  And I’m glad that I’m on this path, on this journey, rather than on one of the many others that I could be walking.

I can’t imagine getting to the end of this thing we call life and having made the same choices at age 80 that I made at age 18.  I think it’s time to refuse to play games that just can’t be won and to instead focus our energies on a more positive time of life.  A time of life that points back to the old days and the less-than-stellar choices -- and points ahead to living the second part of my life differently.  More honestly.  More in  balance.  Treating others better than I have in my past.  And giving myself permission to add to this world rather than take away from it. 

Tip of Cape Cod

To the Tip.  The very tip.  Of Cape Cod.  Today.  You can walk there from Provincetown.  If you don't mind walking over rocks, through marshland, in the water, and taking several hours.  Instead we're taking the Long Point Shuttle....a ten-minute ride out to the point.  There's a light house out there. And sand.  And the waters of the Atlantic.  I'm really looking forward to the quiet, the sand, a bit of reflective time. 

The Bears are out in full force this week.  Plenty of good looking, fuzzy, muscle-quality sort of things to cast one's gaze (no, not "gays"....) upon.  The last two afternoons at Tea Dance have been chucker block full.  Zero room to move or walk.  The weather has been amazing.  More friends arrive Tuesday and again on Thursday.  The house we stay in is the old Railmaster's home.....at the end of the railroad line that used to run out to Provincetown.  And no, I haven't been out until all hours.....I've been in bed at quite a respectable hour.  Gladly. 

And So Begins June......

Summertime......ugh, maybe, wait for it, perhaps....is it here?  Perhaps.  We had two days of 80 or more over the weekend....first time since last August.  It felt quite good, the warmth on the skin.  We ventured 100 miles east of Portland up the historic Columbia River Gorge to camp for one night with our buddies who had traveled from Idaho.  They graciously opened up their fifth wheel trailer and allowed us to stay with them.  It made camping so so so much easier.  We stayed right down on the Columbia River at Maryhill State Park on the Washington side of the river.  The river is at it's peak flow right now....super high, super fast because of snow melt and spring rains.  The cliffs above the river there are sheer rock, straight up to the farm fields up on top.  I suppose they were formed a zillion years ago during an ice age sheering off of sorts or something along those lines.  Needless to say, it is some seriously amazing country to enjoy.

I had the opportunity to sit in on one of the most exciting meetings ever at work recently.  A meeting that our airline's Maintenance and Engineering Departments holds every single morning, seven days a week, at 8am.  The room was filled with about 20 folks who are in charge of our airplanes, maintenance, broken aircraft, engines, parts, mechanical issues, etc.  In addition, there were maintenance heads from all over the country on the conference call.  It was flawless, speedy, and proceeded like a well-oiled machine as they spoke about this aircraft, that broken plane, this part, that issue, this particular heavy check, etc.  I couldn't believe how hands-on and intricate they were.  Spot on.  Didn't miss a beat.  And clearly had the airline's best interest in mind -- getting the aircraft back in the air, safety and professionally.  I'm sure my head was spinning in circles as I listened and watched them.  It was so cool.


I've pissed off some very good friends of ours.  No surprise, is it....Me pissing off people??   My strong opinions and mouth to go with it don't always bode well for others.  I'm aware of that.  I own that.  I can handle that.  But, still, pissing off one's friends isn't the best thing to be doing.  It was nothing directed at them in particular but spoke to a wider audience.  I was standing up for our most junior of flight attendants and simply brought to light some issues that we have going in our work ranks right now.  I believe that speaking up for what one thinks isn't quite right -- especially for those who need to be spoken up for -- is the right thing to do.  I'm sure that the phrase "It wasn't what you said but how you said it" could easily apply here.  Point is that we are all entitled to our own opinions, viewpoints and such.  We should make those judgments professionally with a well-rounded and balanced approach.  No one else has to agree with us.  And we should feel good about that.  So now I'm moving on to my stomping out brush fires duty.  Man oh man, I've got a lot to learn. 

Next week is Portland Pride.  My sister is coming over from Idaho for it.  It will be her very first Pride ever.  And it will my very first time that my sister and I have ever marched in a Pride parade together.  Excitement mounts.  We're going to be super busy setting up our company's booth at the festival, helping organize the group marching in the parade, and all of that.  And with any luck, we won't have torrential downpours to deal with.  


Bear Week in Provincetown is coming closer, closer, closer.  I have mixed feelings about it but I am going by myself this year.  We had decided after last year's trip that we were probably not going to go -- financial, amount of time needed off, and several other reasons.  As time went on, Hubby encouraged me to feel free to go alone if I chose to.  So I am.  But I'm still wondering how it will feel to be at Bear Week all by myself without him.  I mean, I will be in a house with a bunch of our good friends .... but Hubby and I have created some great memories of our very own there.  It's just going to feel a little different than normal.  And, I have tickets to see the one and only, the world famous,  Pam Ann who will be performing at Bear Week.

The Wet Morning After

The day has come and gone.  The holiday weekend is over.  Again.  We took Mason for a long walk after we returned home late from a birthday bash last night.  Our walk, and our condominium, is surrounded by a giant cemetery.  The workers began trimming a few weeks ago -- mowing, planing flowers, trimming around gravestones.  I mean, hey, it's gotta be pretty for Memorial Day....right?  A few days before the weekend, the flowers began to show up.  And Saturday through Monday was a steady stream of cars and people -- opening up the backs of their SUVs or trunks of the cars and taking out flowers, flags, bows, ribbons, decorations.  Quite a few of the graves have American flags on them.  Some flowers are straight out of people's yards while others have that tell-all sign of pretty paper wrapped around them. 

We enjoyed a rain-free day yesterday and actually quite a few sun breaks.  I only mention that because it's rare in the spring here.  It was a very nice day for folks to be out -- remembering, thinking, and contemplating.  The sun had set when we walked Mason last evening.  Along the side of the cemetery.  I always glance in.  On every walk.  I look at dates, names, the bits and bobs of wording that people choose to engrave on the stones.  And, no surprise to many, I think and wonder who these people were.  Why some graves have flowers and some do not.  What life was like for each of these people.  I'm just that way.  The cemetery was quite at 9pm last night.  The coming and going had stopped.  The extra gates and entryways all closed up for the weekend except for the main entry.  Things were quiet.   Peaceful.  A bit sad.  I saw a few flags still trying to wave in the night breeze -- the dusk casting across them hiding the red, white and blue colors. 

Wet.  This morning is wet.  Again.  The regularly scheduled cemetery workers are back.  Normal.  I guess it may be 8am-5pm sort of thing.  The flags are hanging down with the dampness of the rain.  The flowers are still pretty against the spring-green shades of the acres of grass.  Things are back to normal.  Average.  There's got to be a wet morning after. 

Wriggle to Create Heat

Just when you think you've seen or heard it all......I was working the "C" position this morning from Portland to Orange County.  "C" position is the back galley.  On a Boeing 737-700 aircraft.  A had seen a large group in the boarding area...maybe 20 or so teenagers with obligatory adults along to tame the errant young tendencies.  So the first guy on board is wearing a green Portland Timbers t-shirt and heads to the back galley.  Seemed like a nice enough guy, friendly, chatty.  And he says to me....."Hey, my wife is going to kill me....she said for me not to come back here and ask you this but I told her I was going to do it anyway......is there any chance you'd go up and warm up my seat for me before I sit down?"  I told him to just let his wife watch this.....I marched my tender, yet silly, little early morning self up to his row, asked him which seat was his and sat down in it.  I wriggled around a little....."to create friction and heat," I told him.  His wife was looking at me like I was about as far out of my ever lovin' mind as one mildly delusional flight attendant could possibly get.  He sort of liked it.  "Yeah, like that.....okay, that's good," he says.  And I got up and left.  His wife staring.  He and I giggling.  In my 16 years....that's a first. 

The End of May

• Glee.....I could have done without it.  More and more throughout the season, I am less enamored with the little kiddie Glee clan.  Some of the scenes are so contrived and don't seem real with little rich, pretentious white kids performing them. 
• My sister is coming to Portland for Pride.  It will be her first ever Pride.  She's going to help us out in our company's booth at the festival and march in the parade with us!  I'm wondering if it will be wet or dry. 
• We're going camping for one night with some friends way out East of Portland in the Columbia River Gorge.  Out where it is sunny and dry.  (Portland averages 37.5 inches of rain per year.....The Dalles receives only 14.5 inches.....)
• I have been able to assist in the training class of brand new flight attendants.  Our first new FAs in three years.  
• I am finalizing plans to attend Bear Week in Provincetown in July.  
• I have a friend who performed CPR on an 83-year-old man on one of our flights the other night.  The flight diverted to an alternate airport.  The man passed away.  
• We have friends moving into our building today.  They have had their eye on one of the last units remaining to be sold in our condo building.  Today, it becomes theirs!
• Clear, concise communication is hard to come by.  
• Two gay men were beaten up while holding hands in downtown Portland.  Amazing, considering that it happened here.  Except for the fact that Portland pretty much welcomes all sorts of folks -- and this is the byproduct. 
• We are struggling to get more than one single day of sunshine so far this season.  Keep your fingers crossed.  We did finally break 70 degrees. 
• The cemetery next to our condo is getting all primped and trimmed for Memorial Day. 

San Diego Zoo....Mixed Emotions

Yesterday, I visited the San Diego Zoo for the first time since 1968.  Wow.  That's been a while.  I was on a longer layover with my hubby and a good friend so we decided to really make a day of it.  Did you know that Diet Cokes actually cost $5 at the Zoo?  I thought it was for a six-pack, not a single drink.  Silly me.  But in spite of having a great sun-filled day, I left with mixed emotions.  I know that being the animal activist that I've migrate toward in my old age, I should not have paid the money to visit this zoo nor any other one.  I know that placing animals in captivity should not be supported.  I know that paying giant amounts of money for t-shirts and sodas at the zoo is just plain old not right. 

The zoo had a sign with a picture of each animals on the front of each exhibit (or listen to me...calling it an "exhibit" when it was nothing more than a cage for confinement....).  The little signs were all the same.  And they each rated the animals on whether they were endangered or not.  Many were.  In addition, I noticed heavy advertising, signs, pictures and public relations crap that were intended to tease me into thinking that the Zoo is a "green" place for animals -- that they are doing everything possible to make sure that the animals are well taken care of, tended to, needs dealt with, etc.  But, as with all of these sorts of things, I immediately questioned the Zoo's intentions.  I think that any business who is going out of their way to advertise to me what a good, green, earth-friendly, animal-caring place they are probably isn't such a place at all. 

I stood in front of the elephant exhibit watching two elephants swaying back and forth.  Each of these two were by themselves -- not with each other nor with the rest of the heard.  And swaying.  Back and forth.  Left and right, right and left....for as long as we were there.  And I said to my Zoo partners that I'll bet that the swaying is a byproduct of them being in captivity.  Yes sir, it is.  Check it out.  In addition, I didn't see a whole lot of animal caretakers around.  I did see a few.  Very few.  For the most part, "people" were absent from the scene -- unless it was to sell expensive food, treats, t-shirts, kettle corn and the like. 

Probably the highlight of the day was at the Hippopotamus pool.  Momma and 15-day-old baby!  Amazing...and right straight in front of us on the opposite side of the glass.  Apparently, they are not natural-born swimmers because momma was teaching the baby how to swim....herding the baby around the pool and nosing it up to the surface for air.  Something like this......it was really, really something else.

I know that in many cases, the animals are actually more well off in the zoo than in their natural habitat due to poaching and other unnatural happenings.  But in spite of it all, I've been thinking a lot about the fabrication of real life at the zoo.  It left me a little bittersweet.  For the lack of natural, free-roaming territory to enjoy. The captivity issue.  The children running and yelling and creating stressful situations for the animals -- there were actually signs on many of the cages warning us to not yell or not harass the animals....that it stresses them and makes them nervous.  I just felt sorry for them.  There's got to be a better way to educate our children, our world, than peddling expensive novelty items in gift shops and charging $5 for ice cream and locking up animals in cages.  It didn't feel natural at all.