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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Sleep Number Bed

One of the most lovely parts of my job is being able to sleep in other people's beds on a fairly regular basis. Yes, it's true. They are beds filled with who knows what -- pubic hairs (okay if it's a hot guy), dust and dust mites, leftover flaked-off skin, and all sorts of stains. Fortunately, I am home in my own bed many nights....but not last night.

I'm in the middle of a 4-day trip. You'll see it all here. It's not a bad trip at all and finishes early on Friday. But, you see, here's the deal. Last night we finished far later than normal for me. 10:00pm in Orange County. I mean, I'm typically well into REM by that time of night.....after popping a half a generic Benadryl about 7:30pm. So, 10pm is late. Midnight before I wound down, turned off the lights, and climbed into bed. But, wait! What are these things on the bed? An electronic control of some sort. Vibrator? Nope. I fool with it and find out that it's the control for my sleep number bed. What I don't know is how to operate the damned thing. In the dark. (And I typically operate fairly well in the dark.) I push, prod and poke until I make it move up and down (no comments necessary, thank you).

It's not even on both sides, but it'll do....I can't quite make it do what I want. I toss, turn, and think it's too hot in the room -- so I get up and turn the air conditioner down to 67 and go back to bed. I finally fall asleep. I'm not quite sure what time it happened, but it did. One side of the bed deflated completely. Like the air going out of a camping inflatable mattress. Pppsssssstttt......it left 50% of my bed about six inches lower than the other side. I push, prod, poke the controls again....the electronic pump under the bed makes a terrible noise.

I get up, yank all of the decorative pretty Radisson pillows from the other bed and jump into it. It's harder than a rock but I don't care. I'm not touching that control for anything. It's now the middle of the night after going to bed at midnight. And the next thing I know, it's 6:53am....the Southern California warm sunshine is coming in my window. And I'm exhausted. It's a lovely job.

14 comments:

Lemuel said...

I thank you for that testimonial. I always was a bit suspicious of their ads.

annie said...

waahaahaa! the funniest part about this story is that it happened to you.....um, i didn't mean that in a bad way. "perfectionist trapped in monster bed at night in lonely town" could be the headline. sorry, can't stop giggling....

Nico said...

The first paragraph is not appetizing at all. Are you saying they don't change the sheets? :-(

Blair said...

Honey, you seemed to have forgotten that I am your "sleep number".

You know the "Pppsssssstttt"......and the "six inches lower than the other side" and the "I push, prod, poke" and the "electronic pump under the bed makes a terrible noise".

Sounds like you're at home doesn't it?

Sorry you didn't sleep well. But hey, you certainly dont need any beauty sleep!

christopherc said...

Actually, I find it delightfully poetic that this happened. Unfortunately, it happened to one of the most desired men in the country.

Might rest and sleep be upon your soul early tonight that you recover rapidly.

-C

afod said...

Here's to a higher sleep number tonight...wherever you are. I didn't realize how much of that mattress is strictly air. You'd have to be careful doing too much "rough and tumble."

bridgeout said...

YIKES! Sounds like a childhood bedtime horror story! I, too, did not know that those sleep # beds were full of air. Ick! Glad there was a second bed!
Here's to being home soon!

Laurie said...

Sorry Honey but I'm laughing my
a$$ off at that...I with your
sister on this one :)


TACKLE YOU HUGS!!!!!!!!

Breenlantern said...

Oh, sweety, if only you had spent some time in OUR bed while you were here, I could have made you an expert to get the most out of your sleep number experience.

Anthony said...

Yeah, that can be a down side. I love when we're put up at Westins .... their beds ROCK! Oh, and our hotel in Chicago. The rest ...well ... depends on what the previous occupants have been up to

Ur-spo said...

i like a man who has experience sleeping in a lot of beds.

Michael Guy said...

Hotels and beds and oh my!

Glad you found a hard one, Sleeping Beauty.

RAD said...

funny post...I am sorry you had a rough night though...

Corcor55 said...

Wow - with all that excitement in bed it's a shame the only release in the end was a little air....better luck next time...