* * * My Words, My World, My Way * * *

Please Write: ALewisPDX@gmail.com

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Thongs, Bitch, Baby, and Honey

If you've never had the chance to sit down and listen to a flight attendant for a bit, you're missing out on a huge chunk of happiness. They have some of the freakiest stories around. Flying in a metal tube with a few hundred weirdos who don't know one another can do that to you. That's just my preface ----

Today, I was called BABE, HONEY, and BABY. I had to tell an older man, his wife, and his daughter why their adult son was being left behind (simple, really...he wasn't in the boarding area when we boarded our flight and departed). We had a lot of turbulence all day long.....and barely even got one of our beverage services done in a 2:42 flight time. I chatted up a few cuties on the UCLA and SC women's diving and swim teams. And I had to ask about a dozen people to turn off their electronic devices (that was after I had made three announcements asking them to do so). I had one lady ask me if I was the pilot (I was horribly distracted with her booby-tight black t-shirt with giant silver lettering on it). I snickered at the tattoo on the neck of another lovely young lady ("Bitch" was the ink she bore). And I got a bit nauseous when I glanced around the corner of the galley at my co-worker's request to see a precious young thing scratching her very low back/upper crack over her tightly stretched thong. I also got a poke in the ass...or near to it, anyway. Oh, and one more thing...I got to check out Harland Williams....the comedian.

That's my boring old day. How about yours? If you want futher laughs, I'd suggest you get a drink or two in your favorite flight attendant and get them to talking.

15 comments:

Blair said...

"Thongs, bitch, baby and honey" is usually what you call me when you get home.....

Instead tonight I was treated to yet another wonderful gourmet dinner....all after the day you have had!

You're my baby, honey!

Welcome home!

I am glad I get to fly this week and get back on the horse....I mean plane....

Java said...

I'd love to get you a bit greased and listen to your tales. In my experience, law enforcement personnel and ER docs and nurses have some of the greatest stories. Gotta watch out for those medical folks, though: they are likely to go overboard on the TMI. But really, anyone who has worked with the public for any length of time has seen some interesting shit.

dit said...

sounds like a more than interesting day. I am sure you have some stories. Great title and that "bitch" tattoo is beyond crazy. lol

Victor said...

You are my favourite flight attendant. How do I get that drink to you!

Rick said...

Agreed, flight attendants are an entertaining bunch.

Breenlantern said...

I go to work, sit in a cubicle, enter data into a machine, answer simple questions from stupid people and go home.

Jealous yet?

Corcor55 said...

OMG! I love Harland Williams....just saw him on TYV the other day. Is he really tall? I once sat in Biz class to a star basketball player - god was he HUGE!!! Everyone kept coming up to him and I had no idea who he was...but his agent had to sit in economy right behind him....Boy was he unhappy! God bless you because I would push them out the emergency exit!!! LOL!

Anthony said...

Well so far today I have been to Robben Island. I am about to don my uniform and my smile and see what presents itself on my 747 fligh back to London. Hopefully no 'BITCH' tattoos!

bridgeout said...

Wow! what a crazy world up there! Never a dull moment?
I had a friend who was a flight attendant... I missed the boat (er... plane) not asking her about her stories!

Wayne said...

Yep, anytime you work with the public, (as I do also)You do see and hear some unusual stuff!

RAD said...

funny funny post!! Thanks for the giggle-- I needed that....

Anonymous said...

I wanna get licence plates that
say 'MRS.BITCH'...
Don't ya just LOVE the stupid
people....And they start so young
now a days....

TACKLE YOU HUGS!!!!!!

Laurie

pdxbator said...

I work in the healthcare field and have a lot of contact with people. They can certainly be BIZARRO!

WAT said...

It sounds atrocious. Kudos and congrats to you for doing such a fine, almost thankless job dealing with so many nuts! I'm sure the rewards come though with the very nice passengers you do get to meet from time to time and that nice paycheck.

Steven said...

I don't know if I'll be seeking "a drink or two" on flights if airlines are going to start charging for the use of the lavaratories. That was an interesting story to hear. Gosh if someone refused to pay for the use and instead just relieved themselves in their seats. ACK!

I'm glad that you were not called anything worse than babe, honey, or baby. Then that's when you would have made use of the palm of your hand. No?