So, here's how the edited version of this story goes. For the first time, we are going to attend Portland's Red Dress Party on April 17. It's an annual fundraiser for HIV/AIDS -- and everyone attending wears a red dress. Yep, even the boys. Especially the boys. So, we're going.
Yesterday, we just happened to be in the Nordstrom Rack. And, lo and behold, there it was. The coup de gras. A red dress on the clearance rack in the women's section....a section which I've never been in before. A perfectly acceptable, sexy, sassy and slinky red dress. Something that would make me feel more feminine. Something to help me embrace my inner femininity.
I picked it up, swirled it around, and quickly noted the size 6. "Size 6! I wouldn't be caught dead in a size 6!," I exclaimed. "I'll have to take it in a few notches," I continued. Only a few innocent bystanders were harmed during this encounter, I swear.
So, I get it home and slip into it. Well, not so much "slip" into it as wrestle the sausage into the casing. I tried it over the head. And then I tried to step into it. I mean, how in the world would I know how to get into a dress. And then, Pop! Goes the Weasel. It fell into place. My nipples perky and showing. I think I need pasties. And my little Buddha belly gently protruding. And then, the sad revelation that Daddy needs a size 8....or 10.
23 comments:
hahaha, i simply can't stop laughing. there are tears in my eyes, literally. it never occurred to me that my brother wouldn't know how to put on a dress. i'm thinking maybe a specially padded bra and a wonder-girdle......
That's why I have all my dresses custom-made... I couldn't bear the disappointment!
Errr... if I wore dresses, that is...
Where's the picture? You can't post this and expect us to be satisfied without the picture.
OMG I just woke Chris up I'm laughing so loudly! That's so fucking hilarious!
And I am totally with Birdie. How can you torture us like this?
Can you take it back and exchange it? I'd love to see the salesperson when you explain why you're returning it.
O...M...F...G...too funny!
I second birdie!
I've never put one on either, so I can relate. I was thinking girdle too, oh oh oh and you can get a silicone "bra" (as seen on tv) to fill out on top.
Haha! I loved this post.
I've never really thought about what dress size I would be, if the event ever arose and I needed to know, heh.
yes, post a picture!
James and I went a few years ago...we have a few accesorries if interested to make you evening worth remembering!
Edmund
Were you cruising 'petites' again?!?
:) Yeah, we need to see pictures, sweetie!
Like Birdie said, WHERE'S THE PICS!
Oh Arnie... I can barely see the keys for laugh clouded eyes! WHEW!
PS- I'm with Birdie!!
This will be our 3rd Red Dress event & it is the day after the Husband birthday... he is demented enough to think that there is a party with 3000 people in red dresses to honor his BD. I am wearing simple little tiny Halston number that Liza might have worn. I had to get it in a big girl size. Hope to see you there. VERY FUNNY POST... your nipples are perky!
Oh what a picture I have in my mind - too funny. You must let us see you in all your red finery!
Is it that Red Dress time of year again? I'd better start doing some sit ups if I want to be able to squeeze into mine this year!
Why am I hearing "Lady in Red" being played in the background? :-D
OMG - where is that digital camera when you need it!!!
I am in the camp (pun intended) that would LOVE to see the photos of this little escapade!
So here you stand, hating on a size 10? You know that means you're a 30 waist. Claim it's your shoulders that are wide and not your hips, all the pretty girls do.
As for pasties, I say you double bag some bird seed in an old pantyhose and make mama some perky titties to push up what the good lord gave you.
No, I've never done that myself. Nope. Never.
I am sooooo glad to hear that you don't know how to put on a dress!
I like your main pic for your blog. Ya look good.
I always assumed you were a size 8 or 10 anyway.
Oh, are we still talking about dresses?
what do you want for your b day hunny? Hope you travels and week is going well....
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