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Sunday, October 17, 2010

Alone

I love being alone, that's no surprise if you know me. I've been off for a week now. Vacation. Holiday. Whatever you want to call it. I have not been at work for a week. And, guess what, want me to make you even more jealous? I have another week off. I've been home, gone nowhere, had lunch and breakfast with a few friends, and have take more than one nap with Mason. The weather has been amazingly beautiful. I've done basically nothing.

You see, it's odd for me. I'm typically the one gone. Typically the one with multiday trips that leave me in cities other than my home overnight. And LoverBoy is usually the one home taking care of Mason. So, this whole deal leaves me feeling a bit surreal and strange. And LoverBoy is the one that has been gone and will be gone again later in the week. I like it, but it is a strange sensation. I'm not quite sure what to do. That may sound strange to you but consider that we've been together for 13 years. And the first seven years we were together 24/7...work, overnights, vacation, home, the whole lot. And now, it's a bit of a mixed bag. And this particular stretch of two weeks is basically me home alone.

I've watched British Comedies on PBS, eaten Doritos and chili-cheese flavored Fritos for dinner, went to bed when I wanted and got up when I wanted, left the kitchen towel unfolded on the counter, and worn the same underwear for two, or three, days in a row. I've had plenty of time for blog perusal, reading the news, checking out inappropriate websites, writing letters and notes to those who need them, and had our weekly Happy Hour with friends by myself. Mason gets in bed at night and wanders around his Daddy's side of the bed...looking, wondering. And then he curls up tight next to my chest and heaves a giant sigh. I've been on Flight Tracker watching LoverBoy's airplane go from Portland to Maui to San Diego....and will see him go to Chicago later in the week. I'm the one who usually is in the air wondering if somebody, anybody, is watching me on Flight Tracker.

In spite of being quite self-sufficient, I have to be honest -- I'm not so sure this alone lifestyle is for me. It leaves me less than fulfilled. Less than enamored. I love my quiet time, my personal time....but if it were my entire life I can tell you that I'd have a hard time motivating myself to get anything done. Mason and I would do nothing. Naps. Wasting time on the internet looking at scantily clad men. Zero. Nothing of any value.

But Daddy is coming home tonight. Briefly. You'll excuse me now but I have to go and fold the kitchen towel and put away the chili cheese flavored Fritos. I don't think that leaving irrefutable evidence lying about is appropriate.

10 comments:

Kelly said...

I dont know that i could handle a couple of weeks alone, but i sure do like it when i do get a day or two...jeff gets every other monday off and gets to tool around the house doing whatever... me... not so much.. my time off is spent with him... i love my husband, but a little me time can go a long way sometimes...

anne marie said...

what kelly said!

I also like ME time...alone...without spouse under foot, only kitties...don't know whether I could do that forever, though...

Mike said...

Any hey - i'm just saying. Be sure to floss and brush thoroughly. Chili cheese flavored Fritos breath will be a dead giveaway that you've been eating "dinner" on the couch in front of the TV.

Ur-spo said...

I feel this ambivalence; the enjoyment of being alone and the need to be with others. We need both; at least I do !

Dave2 said...

There's a difference between being alone and being lonely. Knowing how to not become lonely when alone and learn to enjoy times of solace is a good thing!

That being said, I've watched you on flight tracker twice... both times when we were both flying into Seattle, and there was a possible opportunity to say "hello." When it comes to random encounters with a friendly face at the airport, who really wants to be alone?

Rick said...

Having alone time is great for reflection. Enjoy it while it lasts. Also you'll enjoy the company of LoverBoy all that much more when he returns.

Lemuel said...

And change your undies! That was a bit TMI. :-D

BosGuy said...

I was in a similar situation w/ my partner. The first 7 years we were together he was a FA for United and I walked to work each day. I spent countless trips to terminal C at Logan Airport waiting for him or dropping him off.

He would always comment that he never had "alone time" in the house like I did because when he was off - I was still home every evening. I think he cherished those rare times when I was away on business and he was off.

Birdie said...

Yeah, I thrive when I can be alone for stretches of time every day. To be alone in my own home is a rare and precious luxury, since I don't even have my own room (and never have, ever). I love being with my friends and seek them out, but I must have alone time.

By the way, your banner pic made me laugh out loud. Love it.

Anne said...

you're missing out on the puffed corn cheese things! :-) i love you