Holy mackerel. I haven't had to look into the past for quite some time now. You know, those dark areas of one's former life that bring up various emotions and feelings and remind one of situations that we wish we could forget.
My family and friends are filled with a variety of troubles....not unlike any other group on the face of the earth. And I think it's fair to say that alcoholism is right near the top of the list. The list is long of those whose lives have turned sour because of the icky old bottle. I don't have the time or adequate space here and now to recount the stories -- police, job loss, DUI, courts, jail, physical harm, mental anguish, horrible harmful words spewed, and the like. But I think you get the picture. However, I'm very glad to say, that there are at least a few in my life that have taken the bull by the horns and have righted themselves...much like a ship being tossed by giant waves, they have found calmer seas and have discovered a beautiful way of correcting the course of their life.
But I stared down the dark hole recently into the face of drunks. Loudmouth, out of control, vicious, nasty drunks. I was really uncomfortable and felt completely out of place. I was embarrassed. It felt like my past life. I wanted the restaurant bill paid pronto and I wanted out. Now! I know the look in the eyes, the slurred speech, the attempts at putting sentences together, and the escalating volume of voice. It's not pretty. In fact, it's ugly. And it makes me sad. I hate to see people who have turned control of their lives over to the bottle. And it's been years, many years, since I've had to face it and see it personally. It reminded me of dark terrible days in past years. And I don't want to go there again.