I'm telling you, there's just nothing like getting together with the perfect family at the holidays. Fragrant pine tree is up, decorations just so, lights wound properly around each branch, hot cocoa, presents by the gazillion piled up deep under the tree, normally crazy kids all well behaved with their stockings hung on the mantle, and parents on their best behavior. Yummy food being baked and devoured at rates only kin to the $$$ we're spending on the silliness in Iraq and other places. And did I mention the pretty little angel perched ever so carefully on the top of the tree with the pine branch poking up her skirt? Listen carefully as I describe this totally whacked out father's true Christmas spirit being displayed so preciously with his two six-year-olds:
Son: But, daddy, I want more presents! The kid is crying and slobbering all over the place. Spoiled rotten little brat.
Father: Now if you don't drop it right now, you're going to lose two more presents! Ouch, not two MORE.
Son: I want more candy, daddy! (Sounds just like me at home....but I only take candy from them if they're cute.)
Father: Don't be such a little boy! (Earth to papa....the dude is, maybe, six.......)
Son is still crying, still stomping, pouting, and yelling........God, it's sickening (couldn't daddy have kept his pee-pee in his pants....this kind of thing wouldn't happen if he had).
Father: Okay, that's it, now you're losing THREE presents! Oh god, not THREE presents....I can't believe he was ever going to get THREE presents.....I think the kid needs a kick in the ass.
Okay, the kid's going to have nothing under the tree if this keeps up. Boo hoo. The tears are welling up in my eyes.
The holiday cheer just continues to mounts.
7 comments:
That's sad ... reminds me a little of parts of David Sedaris' "Santaland Diaries".
I have to tell you, though, that as much as I've been "anti-commercialism" this Christmas, I'm feeling guilty. We've already told friends and family we don't want gifts this year ... but I got home today and there's a gift on the porch from my brother and his girlfriend. I bought a few things for Scott this afternoon but it just doesn't seem like much. That's the point, I know ... but I still feel guilty.
So much for MY Christmas post, eh?
It's not as painful as having that kid (or that father?) though ...
LMAO off on this post. I'd say said little boy should have had his pants pulled down and received a swift set of five across those tender 'lamb chops.' hehehe!
yeah that wuz kewl entry luv this one.
btw i wanted you to invite and cast your nominations for queer-eye bloggies 07 - details on my blog ;)
Oh yea - I LOVE the holidays!
got 2 love the holidays huh?
Happy Christmas Lewis
Darth Vader always has presence. And, Saddam asked his daughter what she wanted for xmas, she said a bag, dad.
That poor, sad little boy should still get some kind of Christmas present. Maybe a lump of coal in his stocking? My parents wouldn't have stood for my whining and crying like that.
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