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Friday, March 30, 2007

Obsessive-Compulsive Mormon Anal-Retentive Bitch


You'd think I was a Mormon or something (no offense here, boys...I don't want any hate mail). Our house is filled with enough extras of everything we'd need to survive for a very long time. I think I've got a little OCD thing going on....okay, maybe not a little...but a lot. No, maybe it's not OCD....but maybe it's just because I'm an anal-retentive, organized, don't-ever-want-to-be-caught-off-guard bitch. That could definitely be it. Nothing ever completely runs out or is gone before I replace it. I absolutely hate running out of, say, olive oil when it's dinner time and I'm slaving in front of a hot stove....and I discover that there is no olive oil. Or when you're sick and it's then that you discover that you have no cold medicine. Nope, we're loaded. Nearly at supermarket inventory levels. Check out the list below. It's not pretty:

2 little bears of Honey, almost done with one
6 cans Glade or Lysol, a girl's house has to smell good
10 rolls paper towels...Brawny, they were on sale
About 50 candles of various sorts and types
I couldn't tell you how many AA, AAA, C, D-cell batteries
2 Tilex shower spray
Charmin freshmates adult-size flushable wipes (don't ask)
64 ounces liquid hand soap
2 nighttime liquid cold medicines (non-Meth-making quality)
2 daytime liquid cold medicines
3 Afrin, or similar, nasal sprays (this is strictly for the nose)
10 small toothpastes for travel
Econosizes of aspirin, Tylenol, Aleve, and Ibuprofin
Cough drops, cough gels, liquid cough medicine
Mucinex DM cough/expectorant tablets
2 300-count bags cotton balls (for Chrismas craft projects)
Large liquid Maalox
Large Maalox tablets
Small Maalox tablets
Generic sore throat spray
Chloraseptic sore throat spray
Generic sore throat tablets
4 boxes bandages (various sorts and types)
3 Gillette shaving gel
4 Mitchum clear gel deodorants
10 bars Lever 2000 soap with Vaseline (for smooth skin)
30 rolls Great Northern ass-wiping paper
Daytime cough/cold pills
Nighttime cough/cold pills
3 toothpastes (I can't decide)
15 cans soup
10 bottles wine
7 partial bags of coffee
8 boxes Rice-a-Roni (it's the San Francisco treat!)
3 bottles Grape juice
2 types allergy nose spray
3 types allergy pills (two prescription, one generic)
2 200-ounce "All" clothes detergent (we do a lot of laundry)
1 300-ounce "All" clothes detergent (this one has the spout attached)
600 party napkins (various designs and sizes)
100 various styrofoam picnic cold/hot cups
10 rolls wrapping paper
50 boxes for wrapping gifts in
20 gift bags
30 wine glasses
20 kitchen towels
50 Tupperware containers
20 yogurts (vanilla, lemon, lime)


My fingers are going numb at this point......I could continue but I really have to get something else done today. I promise you, none of this is an exaggeration. It's an obsession, apparently. Maybe there's a medication to help it.....Now, if I could just find room to put that one more bottle of medication.

22 comments:

LSL said...

This makes PERFECT sense to me, although I think you need more honey, since one is almost finished, and three cans of shaving gel doesn't seem like enough to me. I'm an anal-retentive bitch, too, aren't I?

:)

Christopher said...

600 Party napkins??!!...Wow...I am impressed with that list...

sadly, I'm the total opposite...never have anything I need...always caught off guard!

Trailhead said...

Love. That. Sign.

Thanks for reminding me I need to get olive oil.

Anonymous said...

You know, in an odd way that is a comforting post. For the singular reason that I am just as OCD as you are! Possibly worse, as my shirts are stored and accessed by one of three ways: color, style, or season. :)

BTW, that is one of the best pictures I've seen of you.

Michael Guy said...

30 rolls of toilet paper?! That's a whole lotta' ass wipin' going down.

:)

Joe Masse said...

I may as well just shop at your house from now on. How's your deli?

Robert said...

Somewhere Joe. I think you would need a membership card first before shopping at Lewis' place! ehehe!

I think as long as you don't let things expire and can keep the place pretty tidy, that's fine by me! Nothing wrong with stocking up! :-)

Happy weekend Lewis! xoxo

Blair said...

Oh, we have let things expire....he tried to give me some allergy meds that expired in 05! Probably because I poke fun at how much stuff is in the medicine cabinet.....he tries to knock me off....oh, what fun we have! I am really just as bad.....imagine two of us in the same house!

D-Man said...

It's not OCD, damnit! It's CDO - in proper ALPHABETICAL order.

Robert said...

Blair... You can be in charge of inventory! ahaha! BTW, I forgot to say earlier that's a very cute picture of Lewis!

Happy weekend to you both!

Dave2 said...

Um... mind sharing your cotton ball craft projects with us? This is something I've got to see!

Stacey said...

Except for your apparent obsession with all things nasal, (spray, cold AND allergy? In triplicate please?) this looks a lot like our place. We buy everything in multiples. We need a bigger linen closet.

Anonymous said...

Do you also have an extra husband stashed away somewhere?

I know what you're answer is...

My adventures said...

and apparently you take inventory... you need one of those grocery scanners, everytime you use a product, you scan it and it makes a list of what you need to replace ... lol... that's too much!! I'm a little like that but only with my pantry, being a chef, i think i could give martha a run for her money in the pantry area!!

Steven said...

Where are the three boxes of Kellogg's Froot Loops (no substitutes, please) and two boxes of Kellogg's Frosted Mini Wheats (bite-size only) to help eliminate the need for the Maalox? ;-)

My compulsiveness is more of the way things are organized or stored. If you were to look in the "cereal cabinet", the cereal boxes would be arranged tallest to shortest, left to right, with the nutrition labels facing me. In other cabinets it's almost the same way with the nutrition labels facing outward. Dress suits are hung on the closet rod, left to right, with the most-recently worn suit on the left. Light switches on the walls are always in the all "up" position or all "down" position. And the bed is made EVERY day. You should see how the underwear/sock drawer is laid out. But I think I have already mentioned so many "quirks" that I need to go into hiding. My psychiatrist told me to never "come out" like this. :-)

Anonymous said...

are you sure that you are not my mother in disguise?

Wayne said...

50 Tupperware containers?

Mike said...

I want to live at your house, not shop in it.

Actually, I do the same thing, but TheHusband tends to use things and then not tell me when he's finished them.

Yes, I've run out of EVOO when I most needed it.

TigerYogi said...

I thought that I was bad! When does your store open for business? ;)

Nathan said...

I'm so glad you'll never have to worry about being congested or constipated :)

Sh@ney said...

Nothing wrong with being prepared...certainly better than not having what you need when you 'really' need it, but yes it would seem anal to many...*winks*

Billy said...

Mmmm, this is not normal? Why, my pantry can stock a grocery store...

One question - only ten bottles of wine? Way too little, need to stock up!

Thanks for a good laugh - at myself.