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Monday, January 07, 2008

Weenie Measuring 101


The footsteps grew louder. Far too loud for our comfort level. Things had begun to get pretty hot and heavy but, suddenly, we were scrambling. Faster than Larry Craig to get his weenie back into his pants, we were too. All of our little, pale, shrunken-up junior high age weenies. We had started out the Friday night by spending the night at our friend Scott's house. His father was a retired Lieutenant Colonel in the Air Force. On the golf course. In the very nice section of town where I did not live. Plus, a leader in our church that we all attended -- and good friends of my parents. This wasn't going to be pretty if we were caught. Our other friend, Bill, and I were there. We were going to watch movies and have pizza inside and then all of us were going to sleep out in their camper trailer parked in the driveway in front of their house. They took it camping every summer at Redfish Lake near Stanley, Idaho (which is where I'd had my first same-sex experience with this same friend, Scott). So, we ended up in the trailer late at night, in the dark, each of us in our own sleeping bags in different locations in the trailer. And you know how the conversation went...in the dark, pretending to try and be asleep but oh so excited to be having a sleepover. And even more excited to know that there was more than just our own little privates to play with! I remember laying there awake, staring into the blackness, and wondering what the other two were doing. Now, remember, Scott and I had already fooled around. And I'd slept in the same bed as Bill once at his house -- my god, I didn't sleep a wink that entire night. So, this night, in the 21-foot trailer, the tape measure made its way out of the tool box. Along with an old plastic EverReady flashlight. And that led to us measuring our dicks. Just to see who, exactly, was the longest. Funny thing is that I don't remember the measurements at all (but I'm just positive sure that I was the largest). And that's when the footsteps came in. Louder and louder. The flashlight off, the tape measure hidden in the bottom of a sleeping bag, and each of our hearts racing violently as we bolted back to our allotted positions. A knock at the door: "Boys?" We were silent. "Is everything alright in there?" The door opened and Scott's father came in. "What's going on in here, anyway? Why don't you all come into the house for a minute," he suggested (well, it was more of an order coming from the military mouth of the lieutenant colonel). So, we padded along the sidewalk in our jammies and into the kitchen. His mom and dad were both there. And we had the "I know you're teenagers and that trying new things is what you were doing and you shouldn't be because Jesus said not to and don't ever do it again" speech. The rest of the night was quiet. We never spoke to each other of it again. Scott continued being my church-going-bed-partner-on-the-weekends-and-in-the-backseat friend up until our senior year in high school. When he returned my high school graduation gift back to me in the mail. "No thanks," was the message. And we haven't spoken since....even though I used to see him in the Fruitloop in Julia Davis Park in Boise cruising, like I was, for men. As for very handsome Bill....I'm not sure. So, to all of your tape measuring mongers out there, I caution you....be sure the door is locked and bolted. Tight.

17 comments:

Spamouflage said...

Nice, you've got stories to tell too! I'm hooked. Oh, and congrats on coming out on top of the contest!!

Lemuel said...

interesting tale of the tape! :)

Ur-spo said...

what a story
thank you for telling us!

Dave2 said...

Measuring your penis is offensive to Jesus? I must have missed that in The Bible...

Java said...

Oy. Why don't they just leave us alone to have some good, clean fun? I mean, nobody was gonna get pregnant for crying out loud!

D-Man said...

What a sad day that must have been when he sent back the present. I could feel it in my gut.

We need to re-enact the weenie measuring on our next camping trip, ok? Except Troy can play the Daddy and it can have a WHOLE different outcome when he barges in...heheheh.

Jessica said...

Urgh... parents can so fuck up sexual pleasures...

Do what d-man said, and tell us all about it, okay? Please? Make like Julius' toons, mkay? NSFW: Go here: https://www.juliustoons.com/

Doug said...

I like D-man's idea, too.

Scott is probably in politics, the military, or religion. Seems that's how these things work. It sucks he treated you the way he did.

Laurie said...

Let's measure it now ;)

That friend of yours, you have
something he doesn't have I bet.
A loving husband of 10 years.

CawfeeGuy said...

aw! i LOVE coming out stories!

knottyboy said...

I just remember the sleepover jerk off sessions who could finish first. I always won. I wonder why?
kb

RAD Homo said...

love it! great story!!

Atari_Age said...

Nice casual mention there: "I'm just positive sure that I was the largest". LOL

Ugh... these situations are such a mess. Here's hoping that, more and more, there will be fewer men stuffing themselves into the lonely despair of faking being straight - all just to satisfy parental prejudices.

Nathan Garvison said...

haha, who hasn't done this...I've yet to do it with another guy though...haha. good times.

ps i'm sure you were the biggest...lol

G Cracker said...

That's a fantastic story...with a great lesson for everyone in it! Gotta remember those locks...

Y'know, I've never measured my own dick, let alone someone else's.
Apparently this is an anomaly in the gay world, but....I'm just comfortable with the fact that I know how to use it well enough that I don't have to brag. :P

emeraldcityguy said...

Ahem - I never cruised the fruit loop at Julia Davis park when I was in highschool just across the Oregon border...

Funny story!

Trailhead said...

So, penis measuring makes the Baby Jesus cry, huh? Who knew?