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Thursday, February 14, 2008

Taking the Birthday Whacks Like A Man




This time of year always brings up what I now see as a funny story. But at the time, it wasn't good at all. Conservative little church boy here in the Presbyterian Church in Boise, Idaho, used to be in the youth group with the church janitor's daughter. She and I hung around together. And I started helping out at the church cleaning floors, classrooms, and all of that. What I didn't know was that the church janitor had a dirty little naughty secret that he was hiding. He liked little boys ... like me. How lucky for me, eh? So, birthday time rolls around. I go to the church after school and Bob tells me to come upstairs and down to this one particular classroom, our junior high meeting room. We talked and talked like I still like to do and he finally got around to my birthday. He had a card for me and was going to take me out to dinner with his family. But there was just one more little teeny tiny present he wanted to give me. A birthday spanking. He thought it was time. So, tried to grab me and put me over his lap. Oh no, this wiry skinny white kid was going to have none of that. So, after a whack or two, I let the inner girl out by kicking and screaming. No way this janitor was going to treat me like his cleaning rags. In quite typical form, I marched my white ass right down to the churh office and asked to see the church's senior pastor.....can't you just see this 6th or 7th grader doing that? I told him what had happened and they should fire that guy. And they did. Years passed before I heard about Bob and his family. His daughter called me when my own father passed away. Bob was in Montana. In prison. For giving one too many birthday whacks to a few too many boys. Bob, please. Wait until they're 18 and they like that sort of thing.

Last year on my birthday, I asked for as many text messages, phone calls, emails and comments as I could muster up. Just to meet as many of you as I could personally. I made some very good friends through that. In the meantime, we're off on holiday to celebrate our recent domestic partnership, Valentine's Day, and my birthday. I'll be absent the reading-commenting-posting scene for a week. Yesterday, I had the pleasure of meeting this local Portland blogger for coffee. Fantastic guy with beautiful artwork to show for himself. On our holiday, we're going to Seattle for three nights and will be having dinner with Hot Blogger #1, Hot Blogger #2, and Hot Blogger #3. Anybody else in Seattle, you're welcome to join us for a little informal dinner on Saturday at 5pm. Email me for details. We're also going to have dinner at an amazing Italian restaurant owned by celebrity chef Mauro Golmarvi. Mauro was the on-board chef on our Holland America Caribbean cruise a year ago. We've been nearly beside ourselves waiting to taste his cuisine!




From Seattle, we're driving further north and stopping at Boeing's Future of Flight Aviation and Tour Center. This is their widebody plant where they produce the big stuff. And then we're on up the I-5 corridor and right on through the busiest uncontrolled border in the world. The International Peace Arch is here too. That brings us to one of my very favorite cities in the world, Vancouver BC. We're staying downtown at a gay-owned B&B and are really excited. This is where we're going to meet Hot Blogger #4 and Hot Blogger #5 for dinner and drinks. Anybody else in Vancouver is welcome to join us Monday evening...email me for details. And also where I'll spend my birthday, February 19. The day before John Glenn orbited the earth. I wish you all wellness, wholeness, and peace while I'm absent. See you in a week.


PS....Hot Bloggers listed above were not listed in any particular order. The order should not be construed as an element of the actual hotness of any particular hot blogger.

23 comments:

Peter said...

Lewis, you're the MAIN HOT BLOGGER, congrats in advance for your birthday on the 19th. Have a great time up north.

Nathan said...

Poor Bob. Is it wrong that I laughed?

I was spanked by a few teachers in elementary school on my birthdays. What can I say? It was the 80's, things were different...

It sounds like you have a wonderful Valentine's Day and birthday planned. What fun!

I hope you enjoy them both.

Timmy said...

Enjoy your holiday and happy bday (early)!

Anonymous said...

Somehow I think you'll give an improved meaning to "a super Tuesday" this year. Have a safe and enjoyable trip and a very happy birthday!

(Lemuel)

Victor said...

Happy Birthday and enjoy your trip away. Safe driving.

Steven said...

Have yorself a great time Lewis and a VERY Happy 29th Birthday to you! ;-)

K-A said...

I hope the two of you have a great time and a very happy birthday to you!

Billy said...

Have a great trip! Wish I coulf join those little informal get togethers...

Jimmi said...

Happy Birthday and LOVE that "vintage" photo of you. Your like a fine wine, you get better with age!

Laurie said...

Happy Birthday Lewis! Don't
forget to tell your hubby that you
want that 10 karat diamond!

Darn, I keep forgetting that's ME
who wants that.

May you have a WONDERFUL B-Day!

HUGS!

Sorted Lives said...

Have a happy birthday and enjoy your trips to Seattle and Vancouver.

bardelf said...

Best wishes for a GREAT birthday, Lewis. Enjoy the travels and friends. And, we'll leave the birthday spanking to your partner!
Cheers,
Terry (bardelf)

"Just David!" said...

happy birthday and v-day and all, what about your child??? goodness, are you taking the baby??? i'll be up there for a month after my surgery... probably from late march thru.... well, maybe 2 months... it's not like i have anything to do here!!! ha!! let's get together in one of those 3 cities, i plan on being in all of them!!!

TJ said...

Have a great time and we'll see you when you get back.

TJ said...

PS. Happy B-day a few days in advance!

Will said...

Lewis, have a fabulously Happy Birthday!

Love and hugs from Fritz and me.

DanNation said...

Happy Birthday! You're still a baby...

Doug said...

Happy Birthday Lewis! *hugs*

Ur-spo said...

happy birthday lest I miss it
it seems we both owe each other a paddle now.

Thom said...

Happy birthday!

I bet that now, many years later, you might just like a spanking given by the right person. ;-)

But what an excellent response from a young child!

anythingbutsad said...

First of all, that picture at the top is classic! Have fun with the hot guys in MY CITY! I can't wait to get home.

Palm Springs Savant said...

very nice of you to give them all props like that Lewis! Oh and happy b-day to you!

D-Man said...

You didn't run away when I spanked you...