I miss it. A lot. The simple, genuine spoken words "Thank You." With a direct look in the eye and maybe a handshake. And the old fashioned, hand-written Thank You card? It's long gone. Along with a myriad of other hardcore pleasantries. Replaced by mobile devices, text messaging, emails, and selfish attitudes. I sometimes miss receiving a hand-stamped note in the mail after an evening out or a courtesy paid to another. We have a wonderful friend who never escapes the opportunity to send along his gratitude for a meal or bottle of wine. And we reciprocate, gladly. Because that's the simplicity of politeness in our human interactions -- saying "please" and "thank you" every time, all the time. It doesn't get any more simple than that.
I'm often caught off guard by my observation of other's behaviors...and, yes, I do watch, listen, and observe frequently. At work or play, ours is not a generation given easily to being thankful. And if we are, we are not good at expressing it. We often chalk it up to "Well, it's their job" or "I deserved it" or "They owed it to me." I'm here to tell you that's a bunch of crap. I don't believe in that sort of you-know-what at all.
There are those handed gift after gift and never a thank you note is sent. Or even a thank-you crosses their lips. Some plain old forget, I suppose, although I don't know how. Others think they are owed. So, how about you? Do you always make a point to be polite? Even when "it's their job"? Do you send thank you notes for a dinner provided for you at someone else's expense? How about the shirts and ties that arrive at your birthday or holidays? Or even bigger-ticket items like DVD players, cameras, or trips. Are you grateful? It's really about developing the spirit of gratefulness, isn't it? I mean, you've either got it or you don't. And what if it's in your own family, or even your partner? Is it satisfactory to not be thankful and to not tell them simply because they are your family? Um, I don't think so.
I won't profess to have a corner on the politeness market. In fact, I'm afraid that I've stumbled more than once. But I do try my best to have thankfulness and gratefulness at the forefront of my lips. Right after sassiness.
17 comments:
Did I remember to send a note after dinner in Portland last year? I think so, I do have stationary for just that purpose. I always do if I've got someone's address, but not for dinner, I'd never stop writing, unless it's the first time I've met someone, then they get a note. But ALWAYS for gifts! It's just what all proper Southern gentlemen do!
For daily interaction, I sometimes overdo the thank-yous and pleases. I, too, see the ingratitude of others, and I try to overcompensate.
For more formal occasions, I try, but more often than not I use electronic means. We used e-vites for our party earlier this year, and we used emails or blogs for many thank-yous. I think expecting gratitude in a specific form is unrealistic and possibly stems from the attitude of being owed something. It's a vicious circle.
Sassy is good ;) , but that thankfulness goes a long way. I try to remember to say thank you often. Perhaps raised without much and certainly without a sense of "entitlement" (prevalent in too many people today), I learned early that much of what I was given was out of others graciousness and kindness. It costs little to say thank you - even to clerks, etc. - but it pays big dividends.
After last Saturday's dinner party I sent a thank you not via Facebook. I hope it's okay to blend good manners with modern technology
I think sometimes I surprise folks with a sincere look in the eye and a "thank you." It is old fashioned I know, but I remember after hearing the story in Sunday school of Jesus healing a bunch of people... and only 1 came back to thank him? I decided then that I wanted to be that "1"...
lemuel's comment is a key... there is such a sense of "entitlement" all around us!
I hear you. I am all about the thank you note. My grandmother taught me well. However, I have noticed that some people find it odd when I send a thank you note.
My assumption is that it is a southern thing - we are more formal. I feel lucky to have the manners I do and although it disappoints me when my nephews, for example, don't send thank you notes I just accept that it is a Gen Y/Northeastern thing. I think graciousness as a habit, can smooth one's way in the world. But you can't force it, if people aren't raised that way.
I consider myself to be very polite young man and I do make sure to give thanks when needed.....kudos to my wonderful Granny who taught this boy good and raised him right....Granny also happens to also be the one who taught me how to be sassy too!
I am happy to know you and have you in my blogosphere.
Very well said Lewis. I completely agree. I must admit there are times when I have or did not send a proper thank you note. However, most often I do, handwritten and all. also within two weeks. I try not to hold it against those who do not. It is nice to receive snail mail other than something reminding you of that thing you purchased and no longer necessarily want. lol
I was trained - and still believe - that written thank yous a the zenith of good manners and breeding.
On a simliar note, I cringe whenever I here my 'thank you' responded with 'no problem'
I want to shout the proper response is 'you're welcome"!
Well I can personally confirm that we've received hand written gestures from you on multiple occasions. I share your sentiments on this topic.
Thank you.
Great post. I am a miss manners always kind of guy. I still use "sir" and "ma'am" "please" and "thank you" "you're welcome" "I'm sorry" and "excuse me" as part of my every day routine and speech. I thank wait staff for bringing me things and clearing the table, I thank people for doing their work at work, I thank people on the phone, at the door or anytime they do anything that makes my life easier or things run smoothly regardless of whether it's their job or not. I am always grateful for the simplest acts of kindness and never take for granted anything (or try not to.) I thank my hubby for taking out the garbage, walking the dog or bringing me a drink. I apologize when I'm wrong. I say please every time. I have no sense of entitlement. I was raised with nothing in a violent environment, and every act of kindness and generosity and moment of peace is a gift I am grateful for.I truly believe manners, politeness, gratitude and apologies are becoming extinct. We live in a "me first" "I'm owed that" and "I don't care" world these days. But I will keep plugging on...be the change you want to see in the world.
I think it comes more naturally to those who are successful in the service industry.
Lewis ... you've touched on one of my bug bears! Where have peoples manners gone these days? I thought we English still had them, but I see it failing in many of my friends. Good to see that there are still a few of you left flying the flag of good manners on the other side of the Atlantic, too.
My mother would never let me play with toys received as a child, until I had written a thank you note. I always get excited whenever I received a handwritten note these days.
Oh, and then there's letters ... that old fashioned way of communication. I still have 1 friend left with whom I still exchange handwritten letters. Although we're both IT literate, we think it's exciting to receive a 'old fashioned' letter updating each other on life even exchanging a photo or two at the same time ....
My good friend of yester year, a flight attendant, once told me how often he provided passengers with drinks, snacks, pillows, blankets, aspirin, etc and how infrequently he heard "Thank you" in response.
I made a silent vow to ALWAYS say "Thank you" to anyone who gives me something. Even the waitress who tops off my ice water on her way to the kitchen. I'll even suspend my conversation with my dining companion to say "Thank you" for the top off.
Its important that those who provide a service are thanked.
Mark :-)
I sent a genuine, old-fashioned thank-you card to someone about a month ago--to my sister's mother-in-law, Helen, aged 90, who had sent a whole lot of nice get-well cards to my mother while she was in the hospital. I have to admit that if Helen had had e-mail (she doesn't), I probably would have settled for sending her a thank-you e-mail. But I do believe in the importance of some kind of thank-you gesture, and nowadays people are almost touchingly grateful to receive one.
I am one who always will send thank you cards to people who graciously invite me to an event, or gifts received. I even have different kinds of blank thank you cards depending on who I am sending to (i.e., "family" or not). However, I am guilty of what Ur-Spo commented about above when I get a verbal "thank you" and I say "no problem." :-(
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