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Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Turning Over a New Leaf

Today is the day, folks. By the close of business late tonight, we should have elected a brand new president. And, it had better be you know who. Because I'm sick of this shit. The caste system. The "it's okay for me, but not for you" sort of politics. The lying, needless wars, giant humongous amount of dollars being spent on the other side of the earth when we need it here. And if I hear one more "family values" conversation, I'm going to squirt screws out of some body orifice. So, in the spirit of beginning over, with fresh vision and new erection...err, a direction....I bring you a new chapter in my own head:

You know, there are periods in your life where things are running along fine. Status quo. Happy and no big deals going on. You're loving your husband, and he loves you back. Some things could be better, some things could be worse. But, all in all, it's pretty damned peachy. You're coming up on 11 years of being together. Happier than clams. You love him no matter what and he reciprocates gladly, easily. Thick and thin, it makes no difference -- you're stuck together like glue. And before I continue, I must point out that my hubby has put together a brand new blog...Blair's Corner....I hope you'll check it out.

But somewhere along the line, for reasons known or not, things do tend to change. It's almost like you lose yourself in the relationship sometimes. You become so much a part of "we," that "you" goes bye-bye. You start doing the things you think you "should" be doing and not doing the things you "should not" be doing. The person, their personality, and their likes and dislikes nearly disappear from the scene sometimes. People migrate from the sex-crazed early years when you'd eat dinner on a laundry basket turned upside down because you had no table (yes, that was us) to the years of settling for frozen TV dinners with reruns of The Golden Girls. Just because that's the way it happens. Life is that way, you know. You're so totally comfortable with each other that a lot of things just don't matter anymore. Dirty socks and underwear (in spite of the fact that I'd place those in the yummy category) can lay anywhere without too much of an issue. Dishes can pile in the sink (but they don't at our house). And you've even grown accustomed to the unusual smells from the bathroom -- and just flip on the fan without saying a word anymore. Suddenly, you look in the mirror and realize that even your own partner may not know you. Nor you, him. Or maybe it's not so much that they don't know you as much as it is that you've just learned to cover up yourself. Learned to avoid talking about things that maybe you used to. About certain subjects, about sexual turn ons, fetishes and the like. About the things that irritate you, about cares and concerns...and even about good times. Quite frankly, you've settled in. It's the Lazy Boy years. Television and feet up time! Some people gain weight during this time. Others let themselves go in other ways. They just stop taking care of themselves because they are that comfortable with the other dude. You learn that there's more to life than sex on a daily basis. More to happiness than admitting to your husband that there are naughty things that used to turn you on that you really haven't thought about in many years. You are at that point where you now say, "Love you" at the end of conversations instead of something gushy like, "You are the love of my life, the apple of my eye, and I'm totally devoid of happiness without you in it....I love you more today than I ever have." (My god, that's getting a little thick, isn't it?) And I don't believe it's an issue that's specific to any particular group or sex. I know that, were the 100% unabashed truth be told, even innocent little church-goers have desires and frustrations...just look at the escalating rate of abuse and such in the church .... were these folks given an "out"....a way to express themselves properly .... perhaps the negative side of things wouldn't have reared its ugly head. And I know that it doesn't matter if you're homo or heterosexual.....everyone has their own version of naughty games playing in their heads.

So, a certain hubby and his lover boyfriend husband partner have decided to start living a little more on the edge. As individuals and as a couple. They aren't really sure where this is all going to end up. But it's time to be more in tune with emotions, desires, life, and all of the joys that go with it. I don't even know what to say, really -- and I'm not even sure exactly the point of this post. It's just time that we start living our thoughts a little more out loud. In the open. In front of one another and even in front of others. It seems as age settles in a bit more in some lives that things just change. But a certain couple is going to try and rejuvenate life....for themselves, for each other, for others. If it's a fetish, we're talking about it. A turn on? You'll hear about it. We're just going to be more in tune with things. I mean, if it gets too bad, I may have to turn this blog into an adult site. Because this crazy head of mine has some pretty wild things going on inside of it.

In a way, I feel like I've had to temper my thoughts, feelings, desires, emotions. Just because I'm a husband. One learns to bury them, hide them, change them to be a better fit. And I'm really exhausted from playing by other's rules -- rules of churches, friends, family, and others. And I know you'll concur when I tell you that life is too short to be someone whom you really are not. I mean, the only thing worse than someone else judging you is you judging yourself. Ick. So, you may just hear me talking about one of my favorite friends and his site....Flip Flops Boy (18+ only...be aware). Because that's just me. Plain and simple. Or the fact that I dig a man who smells like a man. Frilliness and Irish Spring are not necessary for this guy. You may not always agree with me, nor concur with the things going on in my head, but at least you'll know the real me. And that's a good place for all of us to be. Happy trails, my friends (I sound like John McCain with that "my friends" crap, don't I??). Live honest and happy.

19 comments:

Dave2 said...

Ummm... amen?

:-)

Lemuel said...

It's your blog and you need to do/say what is right for you.

Doug said...

It's the way we should live all the time: open and honest, with ourselves and with others. Inspiring post.

(though, I prefer Irish Spring)

bridgeout said...

Heavy stuff... but also stuff that I want to soak in a bit... as a woman who has been in her relationship for nearly a decade and knows that some of these things are true of it!
Thanks for spilling it all here! We can touch each others lives so profoundly... even if we have never "met"...

Wendy

BuffBoi said...

Great stuff! Well said!

Stash said...

You're brave, publishing your phone number on the internet for all to see.

I'm not.

emeraldcityguy said...

Good for you guys Lewis. I know exactly what you speak of after almost 16 years together... I'll be here reading no matter how adult you get...

RAD said...

Live honest and happy! Its funny as hubby and I approach 12 years we are going through this as well. We need to express ourselves and be happy--(er).And if you go adult I am all for it man! :-)

Breenlantern said...

well, I just can't support this. You need to take those emotions and desires and thoughts and bury them down deep. Give up all your wants and desires and get out the scrabble board, because marriage = boring, blah, benign and busted. Why do you homos always need to rock the boat, mix things up and change the way things have always been? Well I, for one, will not stand for it. You need to be punished...spanked...tied up and discipline...oh wait...maybe that's me...er...ummm...I have to go get the scrabble tiles....see you and your edible other half in 2 months...let's make stories to make the blogosphere sweat...he he he

Laurie said...

I've learned to tune my hubby out.
Do it pretty good too :) I know
that I shouldn't but hey....My own
needs aren't being met so...Why
should I worry about his...
So glad y'all are taking that great
step into loving each other more.

I don't like stinky men (or women)
I like them to smell good...I like
to smell good too...There was a
girl last year that would hug me
every morning and she always liked
the way I smell......


HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nathan said...

Wow, what a post. Well first of all, I do hope we can all call Barack Obama our President tonight. If we don't... well... grab the husband and the pooch and we'll meet you at the border tomorrow, as we discussed.

Next, welcome to the blog world, Blair. It's a sweet and sour mix of some of the kindest, most thoughtful people you'll ever encounter, coupled in with some of the meanest, most hateful trolls on planet earth. It's the whole world... on your computer :)

I must say I smiled at your reference to the Flip Flop site. One day they sent me a friend request on MySpace, and I was using the photo of my feet that you love so much. They put me at the top of their friends list and I was flooded with messages from their friendly army of foot lovers. I prefer Irish Spring myself, but more power to you!

I look forward to the new adventures of Lewis.

anne marie in philly said...

my (hetero) relationship of 16 years is...stale...boring...ugh...

you are correct that both hetero and homo couples go thru the same ups and downs.

I will stay tuned for the exciting new pathway on which you are about to embark. and if other people don't like it, fuck 'em (not literally, of course).

Edmund said...

wow......what does this mean?
Open relationship?

My best thoughts to you and yours....

Edmund

Java said...

Been there. The banality of daily life can override the thrills. Superman and I have been at this game for 26 years now. Even with all the distractions in the home we have spiced things up quite nicely. It's good! You know what kicked it up a notch? Getting to know the gays. Yep, gay men have taught both of us a lot about enjoying each other more.

I wish you well. Enjoy. It's the right thing to do.

Wayne said...

Relationships evolve. But your thinking on the right track. We've been there, done that. we just hit 32 years. You've got a ways to go!

Wayne said...

oh....and your FlipFlopsBoy site is pretty tame. If you want some really good sites, e-mail me. ;_)

Calvin said...

Good post and what I say to you guys is, good for you. I look forward to reading more of your thoughts on things.

Thom said...

I understand these feelings completely. Good for you!

Mark in DE said...

I can't tell you how much this post resonates for me. After being in a relationship with the same guy for 12+ years I must agree with your summation. We do tend to settle in, settle down, and do and say what is expected and what won't raise any eyebrows.

But like you, I wish to live my life a litte more authentically. I want to start saying exactly what's on my mind, even if it may be a little frightening. I want to return to hobbies I enjoyed that Spouse doesn't participate in. I want to live openly, honestly, authentically.

Thank you for this post! Its reminded me that life should be what you make it - not what it makes you.

Mark :-)