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Monday, December 13, 2010

At The Risk

At the risk of being too vulnerable, I've been working on a Re-Commitment To My Own Life. A long list of things that I'd like to improve in my life. Not that it will be accomplished today. Or even tomorrow. But a list of things that spin around in my head regularly when I make poor decisions or when I react inappropriately. And it is time to get started on heading in a better direction.

You see, the problem with putting things into print -- onto the internet -- is not necessarily that you're any more committed to the process than you were before but, rather, that you are now at risk for any number of issues with those who read it, those who know you better than some. Those very close to you. It's easy to hold something over someone's head when you know something about them. It's easy to be flippant with a reminder to them about the words that they used or the promises that they made. Or to make fun of them for their silly little list of commitments. And it is especially easy when, say, I'm not being a very good example of the Re-Commitment that I've made to myself. I risk others reminding me that I'm failing, or not achieving, the goals that I've put forth. But that's a risk that I'm willing to take.

I consider that my list is a life-long one. That I must be open to complete transformation not only when the list is put into print but to the end of my days. That it is probably a list that will be in cultivation for the remainder of my time on earth. I am fully aware that some of the commitments on my list are things that are deeply embedded in my way of living. And that they will be thorns in my side for many years to come -- to remind me of my humanity, my frailness as a human being. Nonetheless, I must work on them. And they are forthcoming. On January 1, 2011 you will find them here.


BosGuy said...

Kudos to you for taking the time to do this. There are also advantages to putting yourself out there as such. For example, I find that when I've verbalized or written down something, it seems more real. And as for friends / family calling you out on not living up to your list - depending on the delivery that too can be compelling and helpful.

I wish you luck building your list and striving to reach your goals. I think if more people did this sort of thing, it would probably be a better world for everyone.

Ryan said...

just wanted to stop in and say love ya dude!


Stephen said...

This is a lovely post & a very wise, seasoned decision, & I happen to love lists.
You are a smart, funny, sexy, interesting man with a lot to give.
One of the highlights of 2010 was meeting you & your loverboy & getting to spend a bit of time with you.
I remain a fan of your blog.
Love, Happiness & Health in 2011!

Greg said...

I've discovered that creating resolutions for the New Year never helped me. Instead, I set goals: lose 20 lbs., get something published, for every new book I buy I must get rid of 1 or 2, etc. Resolutions to me have a stigma, and if you break a resolution, then the guilt sets in. So far, I've been able to reach my goals; I had a terrible time with the others.

If you want to do it, to change, to refresh, then you will.

A Lewis said...

NOTE: This is not a "New Year's Resolution." I don't believe in them nor like them. It just happens to be that I've chosen January 1 to put it out there. I've been working on the list for months, many many months. I agree with Greg....resolutions for January 1 rarely last past the end of the month. This is a new way life, a new way of treating myself....and it just happens to begin on January 1.

FlipFlopsBoy said...

Yes, I can tell these are more than New year's Resolutions, which tend to end about 1 AM on New Year's Day! These are real life challenges, and I too salute you for taking the time to consider them.

I am looking forward to your list...but in the meantime, you have inspired me to make my own.

Love, FFB

CJ/Rick said...

It's a process.

Ur-spo said...

that is very brave of you to do; hopefully readers will support you through it all.
opening up as you do is an intimate thing and there is always risks of being hurt.

kudos !

tornwordo said...

Goals are good, resolutions not so much. Maybe it's just semantics but goals you work on and resolutions are like quitting smoking cold turkey. Much more risk of failure. Good luck sir.

Hey, you don't happen to be flying SEA-SNA Dec 26th do you? We are on your airline.

Alan Bennett Ilagan said...

That is some courageous stuff you've got coming up here - and I wish I had the balls to do it. I tend to hide behind time and distance, and then put it all out there. Regardless of how your goals turn out, you've always got a lot of support from us. Looking forward to watching you on the next leg of your journey!