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Friday, February 04, 2011

If You Have But One Life to Lead, Why Not Live It As a Blond?

Tell me, are you a blond? Brunette? Are there intrinsic, appointed qualities, behaviors behind one's coloring? How about what a blond would wear? Or how they smell? Or what their bellybuttons look like. I'm at the tail end of My Lives by Edmund White when I came to page 294 and his expose on being blond:

"....Everyone in America liked blonds and wanted to be one. 'If you have but one life to lead, why not live it as a blond?' was a Clairol ad of the day. Blonde women were sexy and dumb; blond men were intelligent and masterful. Blonds had downy hair on their arms, a shock of cotton candy under each arm, skin that was poreless and smooth as old percale and rubbery with youth, cool feet and warm chests, beards that came in late and heads that went bald early. Even their balding was patrician. Blonds were rare, pure; their necks and foreheads burned and their arms became amber brown under a dust of gold shavings. They looked good in pink or pale green linen, faded blue denim, their tanned feet sockless and sinewy in old, high polished loafers. Blond men were tenors. They had no smell or only the smell of cold lake water. They inspired love, not lust. Their best look was classic, not contemporary. They looked good in camel's hair overcoats, blue blazers, frayed but expensive old Oxford shirts, machine-washed sneakers, an inherited gold signet ring. They should never wear Speedo's, just baggy old swimsuits. Their bellybuttons, optimally, were outies as neat as a child's ear. Their lips should be slightly chapped, sore and pink and unkissable. They should dance badly, self-consciously and seldom. Their bodies should look better in clothes than out of them. During long periods they should not follow the conversation. They are idols and should accept it. An idol doesn't converse...."

Wow. I had no idea. But then again, I'm not blond.


Cubby said...

I avoid blonds like I avoid typhoid.

Ron said...

My dad was a blonde. My brother is a blonde. Both named Isaac. My brother's son is also a blonde. His name is also Isaac. To me the name Isaac is forever associated with blondes. Isaac,Sr.,Jr. and III. Me? Dark brown hair with hints of gray on the side now. Just like my Mom. No blonde here. And I'm the only gay son. And yes, I was my Mom's favorite. I fit the stereotype.

Greg said...

My Mom is a red head, and I have brownish hair with red highlights. I used to be tow-headed, but that changed as I grew older. I never thought blonds had more fun; people just paid more attention to the silly things they do.

BosGuy said...

I prefer a more swarthy look, but then again, I wouldn't kick Mr. Pitt out of bed for eating crackers so I suppose it depends on the blond we are talking about.

Mike said...

Blonde? Brunette? Red-head? I'd settle for hair!