* * * My Words, My World, My Way * * *

Please Write: ALewisPDX@gmail.com

Friday, January 27, 2012

John Boehner's Crybaby Alien Lives In Me

You knew that I was related to John Boehner, right?  I think we are cousins.  Distant, far removed cousins perhaps.  But all kidding aside, I swear to god that we must have the same genes or DNA tucked away deep inside somewhere.  He has taken heat for the way in which our common thread of DNA manifests itself in his life.  So have I.  You see, we are both crybabies.  I don't know about him but I'd venture to guess that I get tears in my eyes on almost a daily basis.  Maybe every other day or two if I remain 100% out of human contact, don't watch any TV or TV commercials, and stay off of the Internet.  Oh, one more thing....if I avoid conversation with my mother.  She always makes me cry when she closes nearly every phone conversation with, "Arnie, you know I love you....I really do.  I'm so proud of you...."  Lordy.  I'm a mess.

I see an animal rescue site with sappy music playing and I lose it.  Although, admittedly, Sarah McLachlan doesn't have quite the hold on me that she once did thanks to seeing those commercials for so many years.  So there.  See, I'm a big boy.  I see stories of soldiers returning home from war and sneaking into their children's school classrooms to surprise them and my throat closes up.  Or a homeless woman on a street corner who is will into her 70s or even 80s -- and she shares the same name as my very own mother.  My heart goes out.  Or perhaps I get into a conversation about any one of life's many difficulties with someone -- how they, or I, want to be a better human being than I am today.  Umm, yeah, don't expect me not to cry at that either.  Or I see an adult who you would suppose would have their act together by this point in their life -- but they don't.  Alcohol or drugs still have a stronghold on their ability to be a good parent, son, daughter, etc.  I think of my own experiences and how these sorts of situations strike awfully close to home.  Or I watch the resignation of Congresswoman Gabby Giffords as she hobbles with every bit of might she has up to John Boehner to submit her written letter of resignation.  John cries.  I sob.

Man oh man, John Boehner's sobbing crybaby spirit lives within me.  Sort of like an alien.  Who cries.  An alien who cries.  Yeah, that's it.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


He tells me that I'm peculiar.  And that I use weird words.  And phrases.  And I tell him that he could be married to an ax murderer serial killer.  Or Newt Gingrich or Rick Santorum or Rick Perry.  So there.  

He laughs and giggles at me when I use certain words.  He'll make me "Say it Again."  And then we both laugh.  And now that I'm completely familiar with the words that I know will set him off, I take my time saying them.  Really drrraaawww them out.  Emphasize them and make them worth the laughing.  For some of the words, it's that I use them at all.  For other words, it's the emphasis or accent I put on them, apparently.  Words and phrases like:

Crisps (It's the ending "P" and "S")
Residual (who else in god's name uses this word??!!)
Potato or Taco Bar
 Rolls (as in bread or rolls...maybe I spend too much time on the "oolll" part)
Meal (instead of using the word food...maybe I draw out the "ea" part). 

Just normal, old, everyday words that everyone uses from time to time.  I suppose I caught the weird word and pronunciation disease from my mom or something.  Or perhaps I do it now just to give us something to laugh about.  You do that in old age, you know.  Weird things.  Funky things that nobody else does....or would ever do.  And the longer you've been together, the longer the list is of things that go on just between the two of you.  And that's peculiar too. 

Sunday, January 15, 2012

While He's Under the Weather.....

As long as he is down and out and recovering from his shock wave lithotripsy, I thought I'd go ahead and take full advantage of his drug-induced inebriation.  To make fun of him.  He knows that I'm going to.   But perhaps the drugs will keep him from remembering that I am going to. 

Yesterday while he was waiting for the anesthesiologist to come in and shoot him full of la-la drugs, he used the word clairvoyant.  Which is fine except that he used it in some weird, inaccurate way.  He does that.  Frequently.  Well, perhaps regularly is the more accurate word.  He gets so close.  And yet so far.  I don't even remember how the word clairvoyant was used yesterday except that it caused us both to laugh so hard I'm sure the nurses wondered what was going on in room #24.  And then we go off on some twisted sort of tangent making up phrases and words and meanings. 

He'll get names messed up -- maybe he'll stay "I talked to our neighbor Mark" when the guy's name is  Mike.  One of his favorites is, "Boy is that house ever dilapiTated."  Years this has gone on.  I keep on saying, "It's dilapiDated."  And one that comes into play frequently (because I'm a crybaby) is "Are your eyes welTing up with tears again?"  When he knows full well that it is "welling." 

But this clairvoyant thing.  Man oh man, what was it....???  I just can't remember what it was the other day while he waited for the dude to come and knock him out.  Whatever it was, my eyes welted up with tears in that dilapitated hospital room. 

Friday, January 13, 2012

Flight Attendant Boot Camp

A rare look inside my world.  This is the room, the aircraft mockups, the trainers that taught me what I know today.  And it is also the room that I now have the occasional opportunity to actually stand in front of the room and teach others how to be a flight attendant.  I hope you enjoy as much as I did.  This is where I spend my time, my energy, and efforts.  People I love and now call my family and friends. 

Flight Attendant Boot Camp Part I

Flight Attendant Boot Camp Part II

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Heart of the Matter

I just popped it.  My first pill.  Today, I felt a bit older.  I'm just four scant weeks from turning 50.  Not bothered by it.  Doesn't phase me.  Except that today I started taking high blood pressure medication.  Combined with the high cholesterol meds that I've been on for five years, and I join the ranks of millions of other folks. 

For the first time in my life, I visited with a Cardiologist today.  A fantastic guy that I met on one of my flights a while back.  He was impressed by the files I brought in showing my last years of blood work, medications, blood pressure readings, and all of that.  I had an EKG.  We chatted about my not-so-good family history.  And the fact that my father had two heart attacks within five years of my current age.  What I'd like to have is a CT angiography.   But the doctor said nope.  He's not a big fan of testing and procedures with no symptoms.  My intent was really just to be sure that I'm doing everything possible to make sure I don't end up having a heart attack.  Guess what he said?  It's time to get the BP down.  And to watch what you eat and to get my fat (yes, fat....I've gained 10 pounds in the last year) arse back to cardio at the gym.  Or, he said, you can just do what everyone else does and that means do nothing.  You may be fine.  Or you may have a heart attack.  Even then, most people do nothing.  I feel better.  Just talking it through.  And I know what is being requested of me.  But I probably knew all of that already.

You'll recall that I wrote about my mixed emotions after a recent visit to the San Diego Zoo.  The elephant exhibit, specifically.  It just crossed my mind that, perhaps, the animals were suffering to some degree from being in captivity.  But what do I know?  Except that the San Diego Zoo euthanized two of their elephants last week.  Because they were "ailing and aged."  Humm.  Here's the story that causes me pause.  I sure hope not.  I mean, I'm the first guy to NOT want animals to suffer.   But at the same time, I don't want them killed for a poor reason.  And beyond that, I hate to see them in captivity at all. 

Friday will find Hubby and me back at the hospital for his lithotripsy to remove his 4mm kidney stone.  This is his second one in just over a year.  It's a nearly all-day outpatient surgery.  So I'll be playing nurse...unless my high blood pressure precludes me from doing so....hehehehe.  Or, perhaps, my blood pressure will be SO low two days from now that I won't be able to function properly to be a nurse maid.  Oh, who am I kidding.  We're both in this together.  High blood pressure, cholesterol, low thyroid, kidney stones, and all. 

Thursday, January 05, 2012

Back in the Saddle

Oh, listen to me....saying "back in the saddle."  Like I've ever been in one.  Well, now wait...that's not entirely true.  Once.  North of Kona...in Hawaii.  At the Kahua Ranch.  My one and only venture on a horse.  Old Sampson.  He had gas and they put me at the back of the line.  But today, I'm back in the saddle in the virtual sort of 2012 way.

We enjoyed a fantastic week-long New Year's Adventure including two evenings of The Middle reruns and another of Absolutely Fabulous reruns.  There were two entire days where we didn't dress or put on shoes.  Passed around the champagne bottle at midnight.  And wrapped up tight on the two days that we ventured outside to both Hudson and Saratoga Springs, New York.  Such great towns.  You know, everything on the East Coast is so much older than it is out here in the West.  It seems more historic.  More blue collar.  More rough, tough, used and worn.  And we enjoyed one evening with as many of our Albany, New York-area friends as we could gather.  And Enterprise Car Rental gave us a 2012 Mazda CX9 with 300 miles on it.  Rode like a beauty on the Mass Pike.  We had a fantastic week.  And now we're home.  Picking up the pooch from his boarding place this morning.  (BTW, can you even believe that there are those that believe I talk about Mason incessantly?  I've been accused of being consumed by him and, apparently, talk about him nonstop.  Psht....).  Oh, and one more thing before I go.....I watched two movies during our six-hour flight from Boston-Portland last night....Dolphin Tale and All the President's Men.  I only cried a few times (in the dolphin movie, not the president movie). 

We've got a 12th Night gathering tomorrow night, I have my very first Cardiologist appointment next week to hopefully put my adventurous mind to rest about issues that I don't even think are really there (nothing to worry about as far as I know).  I'm also back into my facilitation schedule for our company's Flight Path Debrief for Flight Attendants session and will be facilitating in all of our bases over the next year.  We are in high-level talks about our travel schedule for this year...planning vacations, crossing destinations off our list, adding others, fantasizing about others.  And, yes, my 50th half-century birthday is in six weeks.  So, we're in preparation for all of that birthday President's Day weekend (you did know that I celebrate with the President's each year, didn't you?).

I always love this time of year.  Fresh starts turn me on.  New things make me feel good.  And my mind mulling over things that need to go...and things that need to start.....