I'm out of the hotel early this morning, 6:00, and off to Starbucks for the obligatory tall nonfat vanilla latte before a busy day of flying. The streets of Oakland are pretty quiet. It's still dark and cool, maybe 40. There are a few people getting an early start setting up in the street for the Friday Market that always looks so tempting whenever I happen to be there on a Friday. Starbucks is a block down the street from the hotel.....I cross over Broadway and turn left. There's a bundle of blankets, or is it a couple of heavy winter coats, with a woman all wrapped up inside...her very own (warm?) cocoon. It's her house, actually. Her hood is pulled up over her head, just her face is showing, sort of, when it's not looking down at the cold gray sidewalk. She is sitting on the ground and asks if I have any change when I pass by. I have never given a dime to anybody on the streets that I remember. Not really any real good reason for not doing it. Just have chosen not to, I guess. Sometimes I think it's a scam, or kids just trying to get a few extra bucks for pot or beer, but I know it's not always that way. Today is no different. I walk right on by her ignoring her plea. And then it hits me, just about the time I'm opening the door, smelling the pastries and hot coffee: Right now, I'm the very thing that I don't like in our world. Nicely dressed, fresh out of the hot soapy shower, clean clothes, and marching my pretty little arrogant ass into the local corporate conglomerate coffee shop to drop $3 on a drink. Not a bad thing...but sometimes I hate that part of our country....and now it's me.....I'm a part of it....I'm the one doing it.......being an active participant in separating myself from "those other people." So, I order and wait. I turn and look outside through the well decorated windows and see the back of her head outside. She has taken over my mind....all without doing a thing. Wonder how long she's been there? Is she there all of the time? Maybe that's "her spot." The coffee comes up for "Lewis" and I'm off....back outside with a dollar bill in my hand, folded up neatly, to give to her when I pass by her again. I'm still trying to avoid eye contact as I walk directly toward her.....why? I don't know. So, I slip her the dollar and keep on moving. She says nothing. And it happens again...the cynicism rears its ugly head...and I say "you're welcome" to her because she didn't thank me...and keep on walking toward the hotel. Just trying to remind her that she should say "thank you" when given something. On my right, I'm passing an old beat-up pickup that has pulled over to the curb and is putting up a homemade sign on butcher paper along the side of the pickup: "Live Chickens." The back of the truck is filled with four or five huge steel chicken cages filled with what are supposed to be live chickens. They don't look alive to me. Ick. I'm disgusted and turn my head away. Back to thinking about the girl. And quickly reminded of my sister who spent a good portion of her life on the streets, begging, sleeping rolled up in cardboard for the night under a Rhododendron bush. Thank god she's not there any longer. I wonder if people helped her? I wonder if assholes like me walked on by her or thought less-than-positive thoughts about her. Or if they said "you're welcome" to her if she forgot to say "thanks." God, I hope not. I've thought about this girl for the rest of my day. It occurred to me that she was probably afraid to say anything to me after I totally ignored her on my initial way into get my rich white boy gay coffee. There always seems to be a struggle between my head and my heart. An internal Iraq war going on...based on bad intelligence sometimes, I think. I always try to remind myself that I never know what journey the other person is on. Who they are, where they've come from, or where they are going. Hell, maybe they don't even know. I do know that 2007 is going to be a different year for me. There may even be a stash of dollar bills in my pocket.
17 comments:
Wow, Lewis, powerful post. I, too, have been torn in the past when asked by people on the street for money. Sometimes I've given a little, sometimes not. Amazing, and a shame, such a choice is still necessary in today's world of "plenty."
Lewis - if you have read my old post, you will know that I am a very strong advocate for the homeless - and on many occasions given the last dollar in my pocket - why, because I know I am going to get more - they aren't...
Carry $1.00 bills, change, anything - but if you can't give them money then at least give them respect... they deserve it. They are humans in this universe also and they deserve the same respect and consideration that we afford each other...
Yea - they may by beer or pot or whatever - but that is OK - if that is what they need to get through the day then that is fine by me - who am I to judge - I give them the money willingly with no strings attached - if there are strings then I am doing it to make myself feel good and to boost myself - not to help them...
Given today's society and economy, there but for the grace of God or whoever you believe in goes you and I and everyone else...
OK - I am getting off my soap box now - if you can't tell, this is a very important topic to me...
You never cease to amaze me. Great post.
Just flew into San Fran!! American though....
yeah, i enjoyed this one too. especially the tall vanilla latte part which has me suddenly craving some Starbucks.
anyway, the only time i encounter homeless people is when i am in philly and the (almost) only time I am in philly is to get some weed. so when i see said homeless person i just give them a little pinch. in summer, i ususally pass out bottles water or soda with the weed. i never give money.
I give money when I can. Unfortuanately, I typically don't have money on me anymore because of the nifty debit card I carry. I need to remember to keep some bills on me just for this purpose.
My approach is to give to agencies and shelters that help the homeless, rather than to individuals on the street. I know some people would disagree with me on this but I think it is the most effective way to assist those in need.
Lewis--my very best for a great 2007 to you and those you love!
Happy New Year!!
I don't generally carry cash at all, even change. I used to work in a part of Seattle that had a lot of missions, shelters and homeless, so I was asked for money at least once every block. If I had some change, I'd usually give it, but it would depend on how someone would ask. That may sound judgmental, but when someone has a story down pat that they use on everyone (usually the younger ones), I wouldn't because they seemed more interested in making their living by taking handouts of cash than by actually receiving help. I've been cussed out plenty of times for offering to buy someone a sandwich, or buy them city bus tickets ... things they said they needed money for. But, I often gave something to the people who were polite and friendly and seemed honestly grateful for anything at all, and were gracious if I didn't have anything to give them. What I always try not to do is just plain ignore them. They are people, the have feelings, and I can imagine how humbling it can be if you have to resort to begging.
That said - I absolutely care for helping the homeless, but in the right way. Helping them with their immediate situation, yes - but also with helping them get off of the streets. I give to a variety of organizations for that purpose. I applaud anyone who works to help the homeless with their problems - substance abuse, mental illness, finding a job, finding a place they can live. They are much more qualified than I am to truly help these people. The valley between the wealthy and the poor and homeless in this country is disgusting, and I support anyone who works to dissolve that.
THAT said - this is a beautiful, beautiful post, Lewis. We do best to remember that their are those who need our help, in any way we can give it. If it's supporting these agencies, or giving what you can to people on the street, anything that someone is comfortable with should be done. It's amazing what someone on the streets can do with a couple of bucks - and how well we can do without it. Thanks, Lewis.
compassion!!!
Hey!!!! I've had a chance again to read your blog and love the commentary. Don't we all have that internal debate in our head when it comes to poverty no matter where we are? In the end it comes down to realizing that everyone has their story to tell: Thoughts, emotions, dreams, strengths, and weaknesses.
With Love- Erik
As many have said, there are numerous options if one wants to help. Whether giving cash directly, giving food, or donating to a shelter, the point is where the buck stops. If it stops in a position to help someone, how can that be viewed as wrong, or "contributing to the problem"?
I understand your duality of feelings over the girls and your reaction, but the truth is you obviously care, or else this post wouldn't be here to comment on.
Too many of us think that bad decisions or situations must always imply a conscious choice. It's refreshing to see when one looks beyond the obvious. Thanks for a great post.
But for the grace of God, there go I.
Excellent insights, Lewis! I love you!
Lewis, you have the honour of being the first person to make me have a wee cry today.
I really feeel your internal struggle. Though I have no words to help you in resolution, I can say I commend you for even thinking about such matters.
Some people, sadly, don't even think.
On a personal level, I avoid obvious scammers. I did see a "homeless" girl on the bus once and overheard her mobile phone conversation in which she was complaining at being unable to take her usual spot and being about twenty quid down on the day...
To avoid the "Are they or aren't they?" question, I give to our national homeless charity, Shelter or buy dog food and/or treats for the pets of homeless people.
Five years ago, I'd never have thought about the homeless. Now, I think about them all the time.
We're all on the edge. It might only take a wee thing to tip us over from being home-owners to street walkers. I thank my lucky stars that I'm still on the good side of the line.
Thanks for this post, it's been one of the best things I've read in a very long time.
stop in 2 wish u a happy new year!
happy new year!
Definitely a powerful post. It's hard not to get caught up in the lives we lead, and sometimes it's even harder to take a look in the mirror to see where those lives lead us.
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