Shakespeare and His Wet Dreams in Utah

Just when I didn't think it could get any better, Pirate's Cove has gone and done it again....well they're getting ready to, at least. You see, this is a local dive bar -- been there forever sort of place. It's two blocks from our current house (we're out of here next Friday the 18th) and I've blogged a few times about such naughtiness as Panty Auctions and Polish Dogs, Boys and their Biscuits, and Lap Dances and Fruitcakes, and other twisted gimmicks they splay across their reader board on very busy Sandy Boulevard in Portland. And this week's sign reminds me of a warm summer night in Vernal, Utah, many many years in the distant past (thankfully). A friend from my church youth group and I had driven to his parent's home, about 650 miles from Boise to Vernal, Utah, to pick up a motorcycle and drive it back home....me on the back end of this motorbike. So, we arrive in Vernal, exchange pleasantries, enjoy dinner, and my buddy and I bed down for the night in his parent's living room on the sleeper sofa hide-a-bed. Now, believe me, nothing happened. But morning time arrives, the sun's first rays are splitting open the giant window in the living room where we are, and I see his mom in the kitchen preparing breakfast. Somewhere in the middle of this scenario, I feel a strange sensation....a sort of wetness and stickiness. And I know you know what I'm talking about so don't play innocent with me, dear readers. Yup, I'd been dreaming. Wet dreaming, apparently. And I'm in my most fancy of underwear -- bright shiny polyester orange briefs that wouldn't absorb a damned thing. I was soaked and so were the sheets. I remember laying there, and laying there, and laying there...contemplating, wondering, waiting for her to disappear. I remember wadding those things up and stuffing them in the very bottom of my overnight bag. So, I'm thinking that maybe I'll go audition up at the Pirate's Cove for a part in this summer's Shakespeare Festival. I wonder what part I could play? After all, I do have a little bit of experience.