Slap A Straight Boy's Ass

I swear I'd like to slap the ass of some straight boys. Well, men, really. Not so much boys. I'm talking about slapping in a bad way, not a good way. I think that one of my least favorite groups of people is men in their 40s who have escaped the strongholds of a dominant wife back home and are now traveling in packs....much like wolves on a hunt. Today, it was a pack of six. On their way to some college football game. Slapping each other on the back, talking loudly, hitting me up for Mimosas before they ever even sat down. Telling other people around them (that they don't even know!) that "We hope you're ready for us." That's never a good sign. They had all sorts of golf magazines and other crap out....looked like they were Pebble Beach Wannabes.

They sported such pretty clothes as nice bright red pullover knit golf sweater vests with bright yellow Nike polo shirts underneath. Complete with Bandon ballcaps and sunglasses that rode up top of the ballcaps. It appear they would have been much more at home in the middle of a Hooter's Restaurant looking at girl's boobs than pretending to be First Class passengers that they certainly were not. (It's more than a seat....it's a way of life, boys.) They looked like they'd have been right at home with a 24 1/2 pound bucket of chicken wings in front of them....I'll be that every one of them lick their fingers and yell "Hot Damn" when the chicks pass by. And, dare I say, that I doubt a chick has glanced at any of them in many years. Oh, and I could clearly see a couple of their belly buttons through their skin-tight polo shirts......they were both outies. Ick. They bantered back and forth about the game, their wives back home, football, golf, and other nonessential, shallow life things like "It's 4 1/2 hours until my boys kickoff." I've never come closer to screaming out "Who gives a shit!" in my life.

Now, believe me, I am all about letting people be who they are. God knows that I've been accused of needing to tone down my hair cuts, clothing, where I shop and where I go more than once -- "Now that you're in your 40's," people say to me. But, I must tell you that I have a harder time permitting certain groups to be themselves than others.....shame on me, I know. It's something about the drawing of attention to one's self at that age that is odd to me. Second of third grade, perhaps? It's like they don't even know who they are as people, nor where they are going in life. It feels like a life with minimal dimension. It's annoying. And I've never been a fan of loud people who expect every one around them to simply put up with them.

So, in spite of the fact that I'd like to slap a straight boy's ass, today I wanted to slap the face of six straight men.