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Sunday, January 30, 2011

Twinkie

It is no surprise that my life is filled with an intimate, up close look at a wide variety of people. Young, old, abled and not, positive and horrible, in a wide variety of colors. I see it all. I hear it all. And I'm at the point in my life where I giggle, laugh and make fun of most of it. It's either that or explode in a violent frenzy of beer drinking and escape slide usage.

Change of subject for a second -- I love t-shirts. I'd almost call it a fetish but that conjures up visions of other things so we'll just call it a strong like (as Facebook would call it). I always look at t-shirts most anyplace we go. And I've been eyeballing this particular line of shirts at Target for quite some time now. But I'm also trying to be more prudent about my discretionary spending so I've chosen not to buy it. And now I know why. Two afternoons headed toward Austin, Texas, I was my typical cheery, smiling self saying "Hi There" to those coming through the forward L-1 boarding door. When lo and behold, I was taken aback. And that doesn't happen often with me. Here she came with MY t-shirt. The one I want!

Do you see the Twinkie in this picture? The picture right here? You see it....right? Well, imagine it stretched tight across the chest of a very large overweight woman (I swear she had to be from Portland.....). Yes sir, that little sponge cake with the sweet chemical filling was nestled in between the floundering breasts of this smiling, happy woman. "Hi there," she said to me as I'm aghast and staring uncontrollably at her titties. It reminded me of Oregon's Three Sisters mountains. I typically would strike up a conversation with people about their t-shirts, watches, glasses, handbags, whatever. But that day, in that situation, I was caught without words. Well, I did have a few, come to think of it. But they were not appropriate for the forward galley on a Boeing 737-800 bound for Austin within earshot of the First Class section. I'm sure that my head was moving from left to right in a reading sort of fashion as I went from Tit 1 to Twinkie to Tit 2. Lord, I will never see that t-shirt the same. No matter who it's on. Oh, and it is what's on the inside that counts, don't 'cha know.

11 comments:

anne marie said...

bwhahahahaha!

Dave2 said...

You know what's inside a delicious Twinkie snack cake? LARD. Yes, LARD. Check the ingredients! As a vegetarian, I can't eat Twinkies, as much as I might want some of that golden sponge-cake goodness.

BosGuy said...

Too funny, but growing up I never really had any of these treats ('cept for when I was over at friends house). Mom was a crazy baker making everything from bread to cookies every day (there are bennies to having an Italian mum). As a result, I never acquired the taste for these treats.

BosGuy said...

BTW - glad to read the past few posts seem to have been on the funny side. I hope that's a reflection of your state of mind.

Ron said...

You are too funny Mr. St. Lewis! You get the prize for my Best Laugh of the Day. "titty right, titty left." Funny stuff. :)

Ur-spo said...

Lard?
Worse and worse

I haven't had a twinkie in ages, but your hilarious prose on the thing makes me giggle now in a completely new way.

Shaney said...

LOL...I bet she is a real 'card' though Lewis...I figure anyone who is brave enough to be large in size and wear clothes that over state the obvious must either be easy going or completely unaware!

Lemuel said...

*Three* Sisters?! :-D

Cubby said...

How long before someone makes a similar t-shirt, but with the Twinkie replaced by something else that is long and hard and filled with white cream? Yes, it's what's on the inside that counts!

Ryan said...

mmmm cream!! lol

Greg said...

I don't know that I'll be able to eat another Twinkie after that visual.