"The suffering of one's soul is an exercise in realizing that self sometimes comes second." -- A. Lewis.
When she looked up at me with those small, round dark eyes and her mouth unable to be closed completely, I broke. Unable to speak, nod her head, or hardly even sit upright without help, she shook and wobbled with the effects of Cerebral Palsy. She may have been 30 or even 40, I couldn't quite tell. She had a folder with her complete with a few names and contact phone numbers at her destination including her Resident Manager -- she must be living in a group home. She couldn't even hold out her hand to point at any of the drinks I was offering her....I chose a can of Coke for her and set it down in front of her. And what exactly did I think she was going to do then? Reach for it? Um, no...she couldn't. I put down a plastic cup next to the can of Coke. She couldn't do a thing for herself. I poured some in the cup for her thinking it may be easier to drink that way. But there was no way she was going to be able to pick up that cup and drink for herself. She couldn't even participate in that simple activity. I was going to actually have to help her drink. Now, we are not required to assist anyone in actually eating or drinking -- just opening the food and making sure they can reach it. But for god's sake, what human being in their right mind was going to just let her sit there and not help out. I knelt down next to her shaking body and struggled to get as much Coke as I could into her mouth. It went everywhere. Down her front....I put napkins under her chin to catch most of it. By god, she struggled her best to get a drink. I was so proud of her. The rest of it ran down her face and onto my hands and right into the ring that my partner bought for me several years ago -- the stickiness of the sugar drenching her and me. The ring is engraved with the words beauty, joy, faith, love, wish, dream, hope, peace, spirit, and soul. She exemplified every one of them. I swear, there is something that pokes at my heart when any of us helps meet the most basic of bottom-line necessities of someone's life. It breaks a guy's heart right in half. My cool, temperate heart gave way. The crustiness and sassy front-running emotion in my life fell hard as the tears gathered quickly in my eyes and then I began to cry right out loud -- in the middle of the aisle way, on my knees, in uniform, with a Coke in my hand. I made my way forward to the galley to compose myself.
God help me if I ever complain that things in my small little life aren't quite how I'd like them to be. I would consider myself a total loss, a failure, a human of pissy proportions and not worthy of a place on this planet if I ever find myself in a position where it becomes apparent that I am not counting my blessings or if I ever see myself as a victim. Thanksgiving is coming up this week here in the United States. I wonder if it will cause me pause to consider those with less than I.
These moments of learning only come to those whose hearts are able to be broken open. To those who are willing to change, to feel, to see without the blinders of greed and self. And only to those whose spirits are yearning to develop a sense of gratefulness. I'm trying. I really am.
14 comments:
It is moments like this one that bring humanity back into the human spirit. I am so thrilled that you prove and prove over again what a kind, soft hearted spirit you really are. One of the many reasons that I consider you a dear and lovely friend although we have never actually met. In all reality, you have in so very many ways touched my soul and spirit over and over.
One day, I hope to shake your hand and tell you thanks for being a friend in person over dinner and drinks.
Until that time, continue to show the world humanity and love that we can all be inspired by what a human is to be.
In the end, it will be those of us who answer the call to serve those who have less abilities that our own selves that are blessed than those we serve.
shalom,
-C
let me put this tissue down so i can type...okay. you, my brother, are a beautiful man with the softest heart in the world. you think you're a crusty, hard old piece of bread - your core is the soft, warm, tender, buttery stuff in the middle. i have never known you to be viscious or cruel to anyone or anything. this was while you were suffering some very viscious, cruel things at the hands of others over the years. you didn't just give this child of God a soda - you made sure it performed its task: to quench her thirst. as One who went before us, you are a walking testament of giving, sharing, loving, and living. i see our Dad in this story. i am so proud we have the last name....i so, so, so love you. that lady's life has been blessed by your kindness.
You're a good soul, Lewis.
you and your husband are going to pay to dry clean every tear sopped peace of clothing I own from reading your posts.
please stop being so beautiful, inside and out...your setting the bar too high for the rest of us.
how lucky am i to know you? thanks for making the world a little better place to be.
I would feed you coke and gladly get it all over me doing it...any day...anywhere...there is no shame in showing compassion for another human being...
You have the heart and soul of a giant. Unselfish and unconditional. Inside and out, you are a beautiful human being and I am honored to know you and blessed to be beside you as we spend the rest of my lives together.
What a marvelous post! Reminding us who often whine how good we have it and reminding us of the needs of others and how even our simple acts of kindness can go so far to help.
Thank you, Lewis!
Extremely moving account! In case there is any cynicism that human kindness has completely left the earth... the good Lord smiled upon this moment when one simple human being selflessly gave of himself to another human who could not do for themselves. As I ponder the passing of my neighbor, I can't help but think that someday in the great beyond this woman will walk right up to you and throw her restored arms around you and thank you!
Beautiful Lewis!
bless you, dear lewis, for a thoughtful post and for giving of yourself to another.
may you and your family have a peaceful thanksgiving!
Yeah man, I whine all the time, but for some people and animals, the experience of living is much sadder than many of us will ever know, so you are right, we are pretty damn blessed.
And I am jealous Blair gets to share the bed with you and vice versa.
LMAO!
I come across similar situations at the nursing home where I am a volunteer.
It always reminds me how lucky I am to have general good health and mobility.
You took this moment to restore the dignity of one who is trapped inside a body that will not obey. And her brain is normal. Such a gift to have you feel with her instead of just for her. Thank you for sharing this.
I get like that with some of my elderly customers. It breaks your heart seeing them struggle to walk. It sure doesn't look like the 'golden' years!
That's a beautiful reminder of how fortunate we really are. I'm going to paraphrase this story for my Thanksgiving guests. Thank you.
Mark :-)
Post a Comment