This Little Piggy .......

You may as well just sign me up for the county fair. No, not to go to it. To actually be in it. In the 4-H exhibits. In the pens where they keep the piggys. Just grease me up real good and show me off. I'm sure to bring a blue ribbon. You see, I spent all day in an environment where I had no food other than 7-11 sort of snack items to eat. Except, you see, for this last flight tonight. I forgot that I would actually be serving a bit of dinner to my guests in First Class tonight. And actually, I was happy to see it (thinking that maybe there would be extras for me and the rest of the crew.....and, boy oh boy, was there!). I had a whole lot of leftovers. I gave the crew each one. And I still had a bunch left. So, I thought, I'll combine two salads and eat just one of the ravioli bits. So, I did. Oh, along with a piece of garlic toast that was so full of butter that you couldn't even pick it up....it sort of disintegrated when you touched it.....I could feel my arteries slowing to a crawl. So, as soon as that was over with, there were others still in the oven...just sort of staring at me saying "eat me, eat me" (and I know you've all seen that look before). So, I did. Stuffed those bad boys in my mouth faster than you can imagine. Along with TWO more pieces of garlic bread slogged full of butter. Oh, and to make myself feel good, another salad. I swear, it's a damned good thing I'm at the gym regularly. And why is it that I couldn't have just eaten the apple that I had in my bag? So, just send me an application for the fair, would you? I promise to be the best little piggy in the exhibit.



Oh, wait!, one good thing did happen today. I had a very nice compliment from a passenger. A man in his 50s. As he was leaving, he stuck his hand out to shake my hand, smiled at me, and said, "You've been a great little hostess today. Thanks." And with that, he left.

Just Like Bunnies

Sean, Jeffrey and Clyde

So, how does one say thanks to some his bestest (yes, that's now a word) friends in the whole wide world? They bought me food, drove me all over the place in the snow, got up at 3:15am this morning to drive me to the airport and then went on to work from there, they let me watch movies like Torch Song Trilogy, Another Gay Sequel, and we enjoyed Barry Manilow Live From Las Vegas on their giant TV complete with homemade enchiladas last night. I had my bed made for me on a daily basis, clean towels, fresh coffee with vanilla creamer in the morning, and a nice spot on their couch on which to place my West Coast arse. Sean and Jeffrey, I love you guys dearly and already miss you more than you'll know. I listened to Barry Manilow on my I-pod on the way home today and thought about you. And the whining that Clyde did this morning when I was leaving broke my heart. I love the bond that Clyde and I created...he's a beautiful boy.

The pictures are here. There aren't many...I clearly wasn't photographically inspired.

Say You, Say Me -- With a Twist

"Well, honey, thank you," he said to me.....on his knees in the forward First Class galley as I walked through the front L1 (left-hand side, door 1) door at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport a few days ago. He said it with that nearly instant familiarity of knowing another gay person when you meet them. I halfway expect a hand snap and wave of the hand along with the Honey part. He was right. You see, I always travel with goodies when I fly. One bag for the Customer Service Agent at the gate and another bag for the flight attendants when I enter the boarding door. As one who loves receiving, I enjoy the giving as well. It makes the world go 'round -- a quasi more pleasant place to exist. It's earned me seat changes, First Class upgrades, lots of free cocktails, bottles of wine, free food, and lots of conversation about the industry, the trip they are on, my life, their lives, etc. Friends to be had all around. On this particular day, the goodies had earned me a free First Class upgrade on a 3hr. 10min. flight from PDX-ORD. I feasted on a cheese omelet, potatoes and onions, ham, fresh fruit, a danish, coffee, and juice. And I enjoyed The Duchess as well. But, I'm seriously digressing here.


The flight attendant, Glen, did not suffer from an ounce of shyness nor any lack of ability to dive right into my life....with quick and dirty conversation, instant come-ons to me, and language that I'd use....but never at work with someone I'd only just met. His hands were on me instantly. The touchy, feely sort of guy. Now, I'm no prude, believe me. I was just surprised. He smiled. Sat next to me, and grabbed both of my hands to look at the rings on my fingers -- where did they come from, did I have a partner (a quick assumption on his part that I was actually gay!). He asked why I'd moved from one side of the airplane to the other side. I pointed out that it looked like there had been a dog on the other side and that there were dog hairs everywhere. He quickly exclaimed that it looked like someone had been shaved over there. And, by the way, "You could shave me." Umm. I uttered. I sort of glanced away, not really embarrassed (because I'm rarely caught red-faced)....but more just still sorting out this whole thing. He reached his hand out to my arm again and sort of brushed me....in a sexual titillating sort of way. "Oh, f**k you," he said. Quickly followed by, "No, f**k me!" And then the Customer Service Agent was at the front door with his final paperwork....ready to close the door and leave. He disappeared with a quirky smile. His pants too short and sort of unusual, strange sort of shoes on....nothing really fitting of the flight attendant profession. And the matted down, greasy hair.....um....not really. It was like a scene out of a movie.


He sat with me much of the flight. I was doing my best to listen to David Cook's new CD. He came back right after takeoff to see what I'd like to drink (remember, I'm back in the main cabin.....he's the First Class flight attendant). I ordered up a Diet Coke. "With Jack Daniel's or rum," he wondered? Nah, not today, I told him. He went on about it being a Friday afternoon and a perfect time to have a drink. And, by the way, "Are you staying in Albany tonight," he asked? Yeah, a couple of friends are picking me up. "Oh," was his response. So, I had the Diet Coke by itself. But a nice bottle of a California Chardonnay appeared before the end of the flight. All wrapped up in a cloth for taking home with me.


He was a very nice guy. And, again, I'm not unfamiliar with the lines of flirting among men. I love that stuff -- and can dish it out quite easily. But I just kept thinking how odd that he was so in my face and so straightforward and so flirtatious while at work, in uniform, in front of other people. I was flattered. But not attracted. I appreciated the conversation and the offers for additional services. And he left me still thinking about that "F**k you; no, f**k me," line. Reminds me of the old song.

Undie Monday

Week 14 of Undie Monday will take you here.....to Albany, New York, where I have spent this weekend. It's colder than frick (those are the sorts of words we could use growing up in the church....in spite of the fact that we all knew exactly what they stood for). Sean's put out quite a selection of man panties to choose from this week. This series really seems to be da bomb this winter. Happy Monday, Everyone!

Dolphin Swims Gingerly Among Sea of Bears

An out-of-state dolphin was spotted swimming gingerly among a sea of Bears late last night as the evening temperatures dropped to near zero. The future of the dolphin is unknown.

Guess Who I Slept With??

Guess who slept with me (part of) last night? It's true. He left somewhere in the middle of the night. Just like they all do. I layed there awake after that...tossing, turning, hoping he was okay. Just like I do with all of them. It's a giant step forward.....he is such a daddy's boy that to sleep with his uncle is nearly incest. We're on our way to MAD.

Guess Where I'm Going to Dinner ???

Guess where I'm going for dinner tonight? You'll never guess. But it's going to take a while to get there. I'd better get started. Surely, my arms are going to hurt by the time I get there. And I'll need my hat and gloves. And in spite of my clearly not being a Bear, I've been promised the lead role in the weekend bear festivities -- Goldilocks.

The Air of Embarassment

May I just tell you that running like hell home from work after a multi-hour delay because of a disparaged Captain, changing into skimpy gay yoga attire, and driving the Camry Hybrid like a mad man while trying to pass up the TriMet #33 Fremont bus to get to the gym on time is not a good idea. I arrived to a full parking lot (again) and forgot my yoga mat in the car....which I didn't realize until I was all of the way up to the classroom. I had been gone from home since 5:15am and it was now nearing 4pm. I wanted so badly to make it to the gym and yoga this afternoon. Alas, it was only to be the yoga for today. I arrived frazzled but glad to be there. Without my nice mat. Oh well, I'll just use one from the club....except that they are not large enough and they are slick.....neither of which is acceptable when trying to do yoga poses. So, I find my friend Dave and we settle down together at the back of the room up against the windows that open up to the beautiful winter sky and sunshine beaming in.

The music begins a few minutes before 4....the music varies depending on the instructor. But today it was zen-sort-of-stuff. Protocol has it that you really should stretch out and begin to meditate during this time. Talking and other such activity is sin and could easily send you straight to hell (just ask the last person that was talking during this quiet time....it wasn't pretty). So Zen Music and Gay Boy Meet No Mat gets started. We typically begin in a seated position, legs crossed, and arms out on the knees, open and palms up for release. Eyes closed. All is well. Except for this one little teeny tiny thing. Flatulence. And, believe me, once that bad boy has escaped, there's really not much else that can be done to lower expectations any further. I mean, I've heard it a few times but from other people. Not pretty. Oh, but hey, there's one good thing. At least I had decided to move my undersized slick yoga club mat out of the way and sit right straight on the floor -- the wooden floor that makes all noises sound just that much greater than they really are. Lucky me. (Note to self: Keep eyes closed, don't glance anywhere, show no emotion, pretend like it wasn't you.)

I struggled through the whole hour. I tried to do as much of the hour with my eyes closed today...a little personal challenge for enhancing focus and challenging my body. But it was quite obvious that I haven't been to class as regular as of late. I fought my way through Warrior III pose, Dancer's Pose and a few others that brought extra beads of sweat to an already frazzled brow and embarrassed ass. My final remarks to my buddy Dave were that "I sure am a pussy." It's obvious that I have work to do. And less cauliflower and broccoli in my diet.

The Party Is Over

UPDATE: You'll see my photos here.

The party is over. The guests have come and gone. The leftover food has been tossed. And we have an amazing new president! Does anybody else feel the hope that's been painfully missing for a very long time? I swear, it was so incredible to be with good friends on this historic day. Once in a lifetime. You'll read my buddy Stephen's Live Blogging Story Here from our party. Thanks to all who attended.

A Breath of Fresh Air

Can you feel it? The fresh breath of peace...or hope...or rejuvenation? Man oh man, I sure can. I have this "once in a lifetime" feeling. Today's the day and we're having our Inaugural Day Party here beginning at 7:30am. We're expecting 20-25 people for drinks, breakfast snacks, and lots of fun. I wish you were all here....seriously. I could go on and on -- suffice it to say that this day has been a long, long time in coming. As we begin this entirely new era in our nation's history, I wish you all world of peace, love, and joy.....in just the right amounts and just the right times in your lives. Celebrate!

Party Prep !!!

Isn't my husband just delicious? Holding such a warm and welcoming sign in preparation for tomorrow's very early shin-dig here at our condo. We're in the middle of toilet cleaning, blowing up balloons, rearranging televisions and laptops for viewing, cutting up limes for the Bloody Mary's, extra coffee containers, furniture out of the way, sauteing onions and peppers to make breakfast casseroles at 05:00am tomorrow, new roll of toilet paper out, pubic hairs off of the bathroom floor, and the list goes on and on. If you're coming, we'll see you at 7:30 in the morning. If you're not, I'm mad at you.

Undie Monday Winter White Style

It's the very lastest installment of Undie Monday under Bush. George W., that is. And since it's been colder than living crap in much of the US, Sean at Idol Eyes and a Dormy has decided that this week's theme would be Winter White.....well, and there's the strong illusion of white being attributed to pure virgins, as well. Um...yeah. So, check it out. It's a great way to say bye-bye to Bushie and Hello! to a new administration prepared to lead us onward and upward. Happy Martin Luther King Day to you all. Stay warm on this Winter White Monday!

The Celebration Begins

It's quite a weekend, my good buddies. I finished a 4-day trip yesterday and we dove headfirst into our long list of things to get done this weekend. We're preparing for 20-25 people in our small condo for Inauguration Day morning....we're repositioning both of our TVs and will be streaming CNN on both of our laptops. There will be breakfast goodies, Mimosas, Bloody Marys, and Baileys for hot coffee. There will be balloons, name tags that say "Lewis Loves Obama," and there will be Kleenex for the tears that I've already started. I just can't believe this is happening. I've been watching television all morning...Obama's train ride from Philadelphia to Washington. We were at McDonald's about 7 this morning and I couldn't keep my eyes from getting moist as I watched the excitement, the happiness on people's faces.....it's been a very long time since I've seen, or felt, it. We have been in a desperate place as of recent years. And we're still there. It's just that now, I believe, we have someone prepared to actually lead us, show us, help us along in the way we should go. The celebration has already begun. And leave me alone...I can cry if I want to.

I went to yoga yesterday afternoon...it's been a week. It was a beautifully clear and cold winter afternoon and the sun was blasting its way into the room. People around me kept asking if they should close the blinds to keep the sun out....there's no way I could say "yes." I loved it so much. As I sat on my blue yoga mat I was reminded of the worries of the week, the hopefulness of the coming week, and those around me who need help. I was also reminded of my bad attitudes and judgmental slants. And then I read my good buddy at Whisper in the Void's post this morning. Ugh. The truth seems to hit home at just the right times. We ventured back to the gym at 7 this morning and had a great workout....lots of bicep and chest work followed by abs/core crap, and then 25 minutes on the treadmill......intervals of running and fast walking. It felt so good to get back into it, kick it up a notch, and sweat it out. We hit Starbuck's in our neighborhood on the way home for one of their new Tazo Tea Lattes. Yummy.

Tonight is dinner at Alex and Paul's house with my MIL and BIL. After dinner we're going to be locked in the basement to watch Mamma Mia! on their giant TV. Tomorrow we're going to try and see HBO's We Are One concert live from the Washington Mall. And Monday is going to be chuckerblock full of errands and food preparation for Tuesday's party. It's been a long time in coming.

Dinner in Phoenix

Dinner with Jimmi and Darin

Brace! Brace! Brace!

I've written about it before and, unfortunately, I'm writing about it again. I don't care how many times it happens, what airline, nor the ultimate outcome, my heart hurts. My eyes always fill with tears. I even sob and shake uncontrollably, sometimes. The thoughts overwhelm me occasionally. It all strikes far too close to home. And I wish I were home with my honey. I never, ever, want to hear "Brace, brace, brace!" Ever.

Sleep Number Bed

One of the most lovely parts of my job is being able to sleep in other people's beds on a fairly regular basis. Yes, it's true. They are beds filled with who knows what -- pubic hairs (okay if it's a hot guy), dust and dust mites, leftover flaked-off skin, and all sorts of stains. Fortunately, I am home in my own bed many nights....but not last night.

I'm in the middle of a 4-day trip. You'll see it all here. It's not a bad trip at all and finishes early on Friday. But, you see, here's the deal. Last night we finished far later than normal for me. 10:00pm in Orange County. I mean, I'm typically well into REM by that time of night.....after popping a half a generic Benadryl about 7:30pm. So, 10pm is late. Midnight before I wound down, turned off the lights, and climbed into bed. But, wait! What are these things on the bed? An electronic control of some sort. Vibrator? Nope. I fool with it and find out that it's the control for my sleep number bed. What I don't know is how to operate the damned thing. In the dark. (And I typically operate fairly well in the dark.) I push, prod and poke until I make it move up and down (no comments necessary, thank you).

It's not even on both sides, but it'll do....I can't quite make it do what I want. I toss, turn, and think it's too hot in the room -- so I get up and turn the air conditioner down to 67 and go back to bed. I finally fall asleep. I'm not quite sure what time it happened, but it did. One side of the bed deflated completely. Like the air going out of a camping inflatable mattress. Pppsssssstttt......it left 50% of my bed about six inches lower than the other side. I push, prod, poke the controls again....the electronic pump under the bed makes a terrible noise.

I get up, yank all of the decorative pretty Radisson pillows from the other bed and jump into it. It's harder than a rock but I don't care. I'm not touching that control for anything. It's now the middle of the night after going to bed at midnight. And the next thing I know, it's 6:53am....the Southern California warm sunshine is coming in my window. And I'm exhausted. It's a lovely job.

For Sale to My Readers

Beautiful nearly new Sony Cyber-Shot DSC-H9 camera. Bought new at Best Buy and hardly used. Works perfectly and no damage or scratches. $250...an excellent buy. Black in color. I will include Sony Memory Stick Pro Duo 1GB card. You can see from the link below that my asking price is horribly fair. Experience more creative power to capture life’s greatest moments with the Cyber-shot® DSC-H9 digital camera. This high-performance camera impresses with 8.1 megapixel clarity, 15X optical zoom, Advanced Sports Mode, and the NightShot® system for shooting in darkness by infrared light. Super SteadyShot® optical image stabilization and high sensitivity (ISO 3200) mode allow low-light shots without flash to preserve the mood, Face Detection brings out the best in faces, and HD (high definition) output lets you share memories in spectacular high definition detail on compatible HDTV screens.

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Sserd Sdrawkcab

Straight Boy Talk

Occasionally, we apparently become bored with our flamboyant gay lifestyle. (You know, the "gay agenda.") Because we find ourselves having some semblance of straight boy talk. The really macho talk that makes straight girls get all wet and cranked up. The conversations that straight men may be prone to. We blather on indefinitely about chicks, church, trucks, Carhartt, titty bars, and other testosterone-laden nonsense. This was today's conversation:

One Queer to the Other Queer: So, hey buddy, so your car looks pretty clean. You get it washed?

Other Queer to One Queer: Yeah dude, had it washed by the church youth group...they were having a fundraiser for some Jews for Jesus project. Thought it was a good idea to support them.

One Queer to Other Queer: You still going to Sunnyside Nazarene?? (Side Note: SN is known for their anti-gay stance.)

Other Queer to One Queer: Nah, my girl lives closer to City Bible Church up on Rocky Butte so I go up there with her. Plus, they hate the faggots even more than the Sunnyside church did. (Side Note: CBC is REALLY known for its anti-gay stance.)

And then we giggle. And bring our voices back up an octave to a typical gay sort of timbre.

Who knows what tomorrow's straight boy conversation will be. But, I assure you, there will be one.

Yum Yum

Inauguration Party -- Tuesday January 20

We're having an Inauguration Day Party on Tuesday, January 20, at our little teeny-tiny condo. If you're in Portland, please RSVP to me today so I can add you to the list. We're doing Mimosas, Baileys and coffee, and Bloody Mary's along with a simple breakfast. We're asking you to arrive between 7:30-8:00AM and no later than 8:30AM (yes kids, that is in the morning!). We want to be sure that everyone is here early and has the chance to see the actual swearing-in ceremony. So, hit me up today! We're at about 15 so far.

Guess Who?

Queer Folk

Why is it that when women are completely exasperated and fed up with men in general, some of them at least entertain the idea of trying out lesbianism. I keep on running into women who have "had it up to here!" with men and think that "Maybe I should just become a lesbian!" Okay, go for it.

But, on the other hand, I've never heard of any exasperated men who have "had it up to here" with women in general threaten to become gay.

What gives??? It's probably the same thing that makes a straight man like to watch two hot women going at it -- while I've never heard of a woman that gets off on watching two dudes going at it. Weird, this queer world we live in.

New Year's Recap

I'm a little overwhelmed and having trouble focusing on just one singular thought pattern for a post. I could recap the entire New Year's trip to Albany, or on how great it felt to get back to the gym for a few hours this morning, or some wishy-washy New Year's resolution crap, or on how I've pissed off a blogger, or how much snow we've had in this typically snow-free city in the last three weeks, or how much I miss my buddy in New York, or or or or. Suffice it to say that Sean and Jeffrey have lodged themselves nice and deep inside of our hearts and lives. So much so that we now have in our possession a key to their front door. Now that's a close-knit friendship. The ease and comfort with which we moved around one another is uncanny. I was just thinking today about how we stood around the living room of friends Don and George in Westerlo, New York, at midnight and raised glasses of champagne to one another -- in a house we'd never been in before, with handsome men that my honey had never before met -- and how strange that could be seen as by others. And how it's exactly the way I like living my life -- off the cuff, with adventure, without rules, without "shoulds" and "should nots." Thanks to all of our New York buddies for one hell of a great kick off to 2009.

Here's a list of the many movies we watched in New York (I recommend them all): Adam and Steve, To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar, Best in Show, Sordid Lives, All Over the Guy. We also shared in one of life's most amazing movies, Milk while we were there....if you haven't, you should.

We spent much of the week in various stages of undress pandering to the nudism side of our personalities. Thank god they had the heat turned up. We shared in a birthday party, took down Christmas decorations, did dishes, went to four different Target stores, had coffee together in the mornings, and all of the other normal things that make a home just right. We also had quite a photography session (and another one, and another one) one afternoon after purchasing a few little dainties at Target especially for the shoot (please, I beg you, don't hold anything against us...it was a moment of pure abandon). Suffice it to say that none of us will ever be running for any sort of public office.

The boys were kind enough to pick us up at Boston Logan International Airport (3 hours each way) and then return us a week later. Now, that's commitment to a friendship! And we were treated to an unsuspected upgrade to First Class on our flight home last night.....6.5 hours with yummy food, gin and tonics, chardonnay, ice cream sundaes, the works. We left Boston on a beautifully clear afternoon and landed in Portland in (yet another) a snowstorm. I swear, I thought it rained here.

Until we all meet again, I pass you along into a fresh new year. Let's try not to screw it up, okay?? Naked hugs to you all.

Separated at Birth

Definitely separated at birth. Click to make them larger if you dare. I wouldn't if I were you. And yes, Virginia, there are many, many more unpublished ones. And for the real show, head over to Sean's site. Grab a drink first though....a double.

Riding On the New Year's Coat Tails -----

I'm generally not a fan of riding on someone else's coat tails....but in the interest of brevity, and because I want to get to bed pronto, here's a bit of a preview from Sean of the amazing New Year's Eve we had.....I can't tell you how fun it was.